Kid-Speak: This is backwards & other news

My little princess was cracking me up the other day. She was trying to tell me something and apparentl forgot the word 'yesterday' Halle: Mommy, do you remember... that day. The other day. Not today. Then in frustration, with wild hand gestures to indicate a reverse in time, she says 'not THIS day... this is backwards' It was just so funny to see her searching for the right word.

And then Daija just threw me for a LOOP before dinner tonight. The table was mostly set, and I asked the kids to grab cups and napkins while I changed out of my work clothes. I'm just finishing and Halle comes in to tell me that Daija poured milk in her cup and spilled some. Visions of a gallon of milk on the already semi-sticky floor prance in my head. As I walk into the kitchen, I say, 'You guys can't leave the milk down here where she can get it', releived that there is only a fist sized puddle of milk on the table bench. Halle says, 'We didn't leave it there... she got it herself.' THAT'S RIGHT! Daija, my 2 years and three week old munchkin, got herself a cup, got out a GALLON JUG (3/4 empty) of milk, and poured herself a glass, 3/4 full, and only spilled that little bit. I turned to go grab a towel, and see this same little munchkin pulling the step stool out from under the sink, and as she steps on to it (looking, I assume, for the dishcloth), she comments to me, 'Mama, mess.' I got the dishcloth for her and she took it and wiped up every drop. Isn't she amazing?

And news on my little man... he got his report card home today (wonder where Halle's is?) and He his grades are all 1/2's (a/b's) in the sections he gets graded work, and almost all S's in the other areas (PE, Music, Library, citizenship, etc), with the exception of Art, where he got an E for excellent and 'works to complete tasks', where he got an I (a C equivalent). His teacher wrote a not that he had done very well this quarter and that she hoped her maternity leave wouldn't be too big of a change for him. My heart was truly warmed by that, as well as the follow up conversation she and I had after the incident last week.

Oh, and I finally found all the paperwork I needed for that packet for the AZ Child Study Center, so I can drop that off hopefully tomorrow and get on their schedule for last this spring or early summer.

So, the results are in...

Is it a bad sign when, at the end of your first session with a therapist, if he turns to you and says,

I'm going to recommend that you see a good psychiatrist.

With emphasis on the word good. Like a regular old, run of the mill, average skill psychiatrist just couldn't help me.

All smart comments aside... I'm showing moderate signs of depression, which probably isn't surprising. I show most of the DSM signs of ADD, which is what I think the problem is. But the thing that hit me clear out of the blue, is that on the behavoiral symptoms index I filled out, my ratings for obessive compulsive order are 16... anything 7 or under is considered normal. I commented to him, 'I'd expect my house to be a lot cleaner if I had OCD.'

So he thinks I need someone really sharp to make a differentiating diagnosis. I think I've been trying to hard to manage ADD that I probably appear really OCD.

Nana Update

Got a call from my mom... my nana is home. I still don't have any details about anything than I did before, which is frustrating, but I'm really happy she's home.

'Uh oh, Mama knock!'

Today I put about 15 boxes of varying sizes on the front porch for a charity pick up. The kids were playing outside while I was moving the boxes from the garage to the porch. Tyler and Halle went inside before I was done, and Daija stuck around with me. I was just rearranging the things in the garage and she was going in and out of the garage door. Just as I was closing the garage, I thought I heard a click. Sure enough, Daija had locked it. I could hear her trying to unlock it and tugging on the door, trying to get it to open. After a few seconds I realized I might be waiting for a while, so I knocked. Then I heard her cute little voice

"Uh oh, Mama knock!"

Unfortunately, the kids were in the back and Crystal had her headphones on. I knocked louder, and I heard the pitter patter of Daija's little feet running. She ran to Crystal, and tugged on her pants and pointed to the back door. Crystal asked her 'what?' and Daija tugged her again. That's when she finally heard the knocking. I hear Daija's litle feet running back to the door, and her breathless "Mama!"

Thank goodness Daija loves me... I might have been out there for a LONG time otherwise!

REAL FEET!!!

OK, of all the things I could be really stoked about, Mattel is making a Barbie™ with REAL FEET. As in, a size proportionate to a real person. With normal arches. And toes. You don’t believe me? Check out the Cali Girl™ Friends. It gets better. It may be my imagination or some wishful thinking, but Cali Girl’s hips seem a little wider than Barbie’s. And her chest… a tad smaller. Her thighs are still anorexic, but overall, the body shape is an improvement. And the very bestest, bestest part? They’re starting to make the dolls so that they look like there is actually some racial and ethnic diversity. Christie, the ‘Black Barbie’, actually has curly textured hair. Summer, who could be a number of ethnicities with her caramel tan, also has curly (not wavy) hair. I think I just rediscovered my childhood passion!

The kids had gift certificates for Target and Wal-Mart and I think I have the three happiest kids on earth tonight. Tyler and Halle especially loved picking our their own stuff!!! Mattel made a killing off Halle. She started off with the Christie Cali Girl and a My Little Pony toy set. She and I were so enchanted with Christie’s curly hair and painted toenails that when we went to Wal-Mart, she passed right by the dreaded Bratz section. First time in over a year she hasn’t begged me for a doll. She picked out the Barbie Cali Girl® (who unfortunately does have the feet that look like they were bound and then stuffed into nine inch high heels and left there for the last five decades) and the 4x4 Beach Car®. We also got the Riding Club Summer® and Lea® dolls. She’s been playing with them all night. Daija loved Halle’s My Little Pony so much that I got her a Cabbage Patch Pony. She also got two sets of ‘fake food’ and a set of dishes. She’s fed her dolls everything from grapes to hot dogs to cookies. She also got a Bear in the Big Blue House DVD that has several shows on using the toilet… I put that on continuous play as soon as we got home. Tyler picked out a set of Spy Vision Goggles, and of course with his larger gift cert, he headed straight for electronics. Picked up some batteries for the goggles, a set of ear buds, and Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams®, which seems like a pretty cool game. I tried to access a really detailed description since the one on the box was pretty sketchy and I like to know what exactly he’s doing… but I got blocked by my own firewall!!!

Nana Update

Finally, I have an update! My grandmother has emphysema, which we knew. She started breathing better as soon as they got her on oxygen; my mom said something about keeping an oxygen tank with her. I don't know if that was actually a suggestion from her doctor or my mother just thinking it sounds like a good idea. Her blood pressure is a little high, as is her cholesterol. There is also fat in her liver. She likes to go out every morning for coffee and breakfast at 'home style' restaurants... Denny's, Coco's, or any similar greasy spoon Mom & Pop joint. She frequently eats lunch at the same kind of place. I've been griping at her about it for years. So that's finally catching up with her. Now, the dark spot on the CT scan - it's not on her lung, as they thought, it's an aneurism on her right aorta. She also has an irregular heartbeat. I'm not sure if this is new, or if she just didn't tell anyone. They have her on a new med for the irregular beat and back on a blood thinner again. She'll need to see her primary doc every three-six months to have that aneurism monitored.

No details on why they want to ultrasound her stomach, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that she had a major intestinal blockage not long ago (she was hospitalized for that too). She's stubborn as anything so I don't imagine she's done much to improve her diet since that little escapade.

Oooh, DRAMA.

There was a little drama in Tyler's class today. Apparently one of the children, J., told Ms. Librarian to shut up. I was floored to hear that. But that's just where the drama started. Apparently two of the girls, afterwards, were making a list of the 'bad kids' for Ms. Teacher (they had a sub), and included J's name. J. went to erase his name and T., who Tyler lists as a 'best friend' said something to him, and apparently J. pushed her. Mr. Substitute witnessed this, and apparently J. ran out of the classroom but came right back. When J. came back, Tyler, who tends to be overprotective when it comes to girls, he told J. that he was going to tell on him. J. flipped him off and called him a f***er. Tyler then proceeded to write a note to Mrs. Teacher.

Dear Ms. Teacher,
J. pushed T.! He ran out of the classroom! He said fuk to me! He told Ms. Librarian to shut up to! If you give him refurl, I would be so thankful!

Your student,

Tyler

I am just more floored by the minute. I'm trying to peice this all together and Ms. Librarian heard what J. said. Mr. Substitute saw what J. did. While what J. did both in the library and the classroom was very wrong, Tyler inflamed the situation and diverted some wrath to himself. Tyler tends to be sensitive, but apparently no one came to his defense when J. made the rude comment; they just all made the 'ooooh' sound, but not 'oooh', like J. did something bad, 'oooh ' like 'he told you'. I tried to explain to Tyler that while J. was definitely in the wrong, and it was good of Tyler to want to stand up for T., there is a difference between telling and tattling. The grown ups in charge already were handling the situation, and to threaten to tell on J. when he was already upset, was not necessary. It would be appropriate for him to have told the adult in charge if no one saw J. push T., but that since the adults already had J.'s actions under control, Tyler has no reason to get involved, as the staff will surely let Mrs. Teacher know what happened. We discussed how J. is normally a pretty nice kid who(as far as Tyler knows) has never been in trouble, never picked on anybody, never called anybody a name. We talked about how everyone has bad days and some examples of mistakes he's made when he was upset or angry. I asked him, how he would feel if he was having a really terrible day and made a BIG mistake that he was probably going to get into a lot of trouble for. Then I asked him how he would feel, in that situation, if someone he thought of as a friend, or at least had never had any problems with, was going to rat him out on top of that, even though he was already in a lot of trouble. I explained that threatening to tell on him at that point was totally unnecessary and very unkind. It's obvious he didn't understand that his actions weren't going to help the situation in any way shape or form; he seemed to think he was doing all the adults around him a favor by breaking it down for them. We talked about giving Mrs. Teacher the note as written. I told him he did not need to tell Mrs. Teacher about the library incident or the shoving. Neither happened to him, and the adults in charge already handled it. He still wanted to tell her about what J. said to him since Mr. Substitute hadn't heard that, and I asked him if he also planned to tell Mrs. Teacher about what he had done, that led to J. making the rude gesture and calling him a bad name. Tyler had been so full of righteous indignation, and he just cried. He told me that he feels like what everybody says he is (stupid, which is a whole 'notha story) and that he wishes he wasn't born. It broke my heart; I hate to see him hurting and I know he is probably feeling as out of step socially as I did (and still do half the time). I don't know if there was a better way I could have explained this to him. I asked him, if you write another note to Mrs. Teacher, do you think that it will make things better between you and J.? And he said no. I asked him if he wrote this letter to Mrs. Teacher, what did he want her to do with it? And he said 'nothing, really.' I asked him, 'Do you think J. should be in any more trouble than he already is?' and Tyler said no. I asked, 'Do you want J. to be punished for it?' and Tyler said 'Not really.' I told him that I thought the best thing for him, and for his friendship with J., would be to say, 'I'm sorry I said I was going to tell on you, and it really upset me when you called me a bad name.' Tyler said J. wouldn't listen. Apparently at some point J. apologized to T. for pushing her, but Tyler informed him that HE would not accept J.'s apology. I asked T. if maybe he just wanted to let it go and forgive it, even if J. didn't want to talk it out, since we know that J. is normally a pretty good kid who he has never had a problem with, and he said that's what he wanted to do.

I'm hoping he's feeling better about this now but I am still very worried.

Mojo, please.

Y'all know I don't ask for the good stuff real often, but if you can send something up to my Nana it would mean the world to me. My mom called this morning to tell me Steve (her husband) took my nana to the ER around 3AM this morning because either she couldn't breathe, or was having trouble breathing. There was a dark spot on her lung in one of the X-rays and they're sending her for a CT scan. I don't have a whole lot of details other than that; my mom is actually on the road right now so I'm getting third hand info from her.

I know it could be a lot of things... scar tissue from TB if she ever had that or maybe something left over from when she had pneumonia... but she's smoked for thirty or forty years now and is in her late 70's, so even if it wasn't something so terrible as lung cancer, at her age, anything can get serious real quickly. So whatever it is you do (hands and knees prayer, healing meditations, get nekkid and dance around a candle, you know, whatever)... think of her while you're doing it. I'd probably be a high school drop out living in a trailer park in kansas with seven kids on welfare right now if it wasn't for my nana.

Tyler's Dr. Appt

Today we met with Dr. Shoptaugh and discussed Tyler's sudden drop in appetite and what is probably rather minor bouts with being unable to fall asleep, as well as my big concern: He is beginning to express obessive or paranoid thoughts that no one likes him, that everyone picks on him, etc. He and I have talked it through, and I've also spoken with his teacher and the staff at his after school program, in addition to doing a little observation on my own. Tyler is far from ostracized, and no one else has noticed any kind of major conflict. When I talk through a situation, it often boils down to the fact that he had a relatively minor conflict with ONE individual, but to hear him tell it, his whole class ganged up on him. He also suddenly became fixated on a scary story he'd heard at his after school program in October, and came to me several nights because he was afraid to be in his room. He has never in his life been afraid of the dark, and although we reasoned out several times that 'RedRum' was just a spooky story, this lasted close to a week. Since Tyler is at a higher risk for depression and other mood disorders, I took that pretty seriously, especially when his dad reported no insomnia, fears, or problems with appetite over Tyler's (unmedicated) winter break.

Some good news first: Since July, Tyler has gained 1.5 pounds, which is a good gain in that time frame. Not huge, but substantial and he wasn't at a flatline or losing as I'd feared. Dr. Shoptaugh thinks that the eating/sleeping problems are definitely related to the Adderrall and scaled his Rx back from 20mg to 15mg. I talked to her about the (very preliminary) research I'd done on dopamine/norepinepherine balance/imbalance and coupling stimulent meds with a non stimulant, like Strattera. She was familiar with the practice, but said it was very, very new practice that still had kinks to be worked out (like everything else LOL). She said that out of 30 patients, she hasn't had one stay on strattera. She's also not sure that his obsessive thoughts/fears are definitely related to medication. She wants us to take Tyler to a behavioralist. She does want to work with us as far as balancing out these chemicals, she's just not sure strattera is going to be the solution, and that she wants to work in conjunction with someone who specializes in this area. I was once again so impressed with her as a medical professional; I wasn't sure she would be comfortable with the med combo since I know she's not a strattera advocate. I was really prepared to have my inquiry squashed and find myself back to trolling the listings for a psychiatrist. So even though she wasn't comfortable making that Rx, I definitely didn't feel like I was on my own.

Unfortunately, there are only two "behavioralists" ; Dr. Melmed of the Melmed Center (which I've heard of, they offer classes for parents, teachers, and kids in addition to counseling), or Dr. Kessler of the Arizona Child Study Center. Thankfully, Dr. Kessler is an in-network providor for my insurance. I've done a little reading and he's got a REALLY impressive bio, with special interests both in ADHD and nutrition. Now, I'm not sure if we'll actually see him, or someone in his practice... but I am so much more comfortable getting this referral than taking whatever random person my EAP would provide. I called this afternoon and it'll be a four-five month wait; Dr. Shoptaugh had said to expect three. So the school year may be close to over before he's seen by them. I have to fill out a packet about an inch thick before they'll even schedule the appointment, but I went and pickthed it up this afternoon and I'm already about half done.

Since I knew it would be a while trying to make do in the meantime, I gave his teacher a heads up and also spoke with the principal at his school. When we had the 504 meeting last year, the only accomodations we had written in were for testing, because he was doing so well. I noted a concern at the time if we ever reached a point Tyler can't take meds, we would have to revisit. His principal thanked me for letting her know what was going on and said she'd touch base with the school social worker about classroom accomodations. So I may be having another 504 meeting before too much longer. His teacher is a nice lady, but I don't really have a rapport of any kind with her and while I believe she's passionate about gifted education, I don't really get the impression she's incredibly in tune with Tyler. I don't think she'd be nearly as proactive in addressing his special needs as his 2nd grade teacher was, especially since she'll be going on maternity leave soon. Which is another worry; there are going to be a lot of changes in the classroom... she'll go on maternity leave sometime in February and then return just a few weeks before school lets out. I wonder how Tyler will handle those transitions, how a sub will handle Tyler, etc. I guess only time will tell.

I also made an appointment for myself with a therapist for next Tuesday.

Bug Spirits...

So tonight when Halle goes to change in her room, she discovers a 'black thing' on her wall. I check it out... it's a MOTH. I tell her not to worry about it... they're like butterflies (a bug Halle likes), just not pretty, and not too smart either. She's starting to panic, so I here I go, to get the Raid. Of course I spray the thing and he's flying around the room and Halle's practically hyperventilating. I had to send her to another room to change until he stopped flying around. Halle went to check things out, and came back to me and told me that his head was twitching, and imitated his poor little chemically induced seizures. Trying to instill some empathy, I say to her... He's close to dying and he really doesn't feel good. You should send up a prayer for his spirit.

Halle replies, firmly.... 'Uh uh. He's a bug.'

Wanna hear something ironic? We observed the last night of Chalica this evening, and we lit our chalice in 'Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.'

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2005, everybody! I hope your new year is starting off well... ours is. After a laid back New Year's at home with the girls, we rang in 2005 with a party on New Year's Day. The girls had a great time with their old KidVentures playmates and I got a chance to catch up with friends, some of whom I hadn't seen since Halle's fourth birthday party! A good time was had by all. Then my little man made it home this morning, along with his dad, Joel. It's nice to have 'little talking Tyler', as Ro calls him, home again. Joel will be here for a day or two as the flights are atrocious this weekend.

Tonight we're having my mother, stepdad, and grandmother over for dinner and to exchange gifts. I am really looking forward to that... not just the joy of giving, but the joy of getting the rest of the stuff out from under the tree so that I can take down the holiday decorations!

Tomorrow is my day off in observance of the New Year, and Tyler has an early doctor's appointment. His appetite has really dropped off and I think we need to do a med change. I'm hoping to cut back or cut out the stimulants and try Strattera again, now that I have a better idea on how others handle the sleepy side effects. It will be nice for Joel to go to this appointment as well; it gets wearing to make these decisions alone. And he'll get to go to Tyler's school as well; I think if Joel is agreeable we'll have lunch there. Tyler doesn't really complain, but I know it must be hard to see other kids' dad's at school functions.

I'm also going to make an appointment tomorrow to see someone myself; I was doing some research last week and came across on article about a study that indicated ADHD children who have parents with untreated issues (ad/hd, depression, etc) do not respond as well to treatment. I've suspected for some time that I'm ADD, and at my physical last month my primary doc suggested I also be screened for depression. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm going to look into it anyway.

Well, Daija has the water bottle I use on her and Halle's hair and has figured out how to squirt it, so I guess that means my blogging time is over. I'll post updates on Tyler's appointment and whatever progress I make for mine, sometime in the next week.

Chalica

I'm not doing this the first week of December... too many work obligations, plus my birthday, Daija's birthday... I feel like the last week of December, right before the new year, is more personally significant. We're not doing any activities, just lighting a chalice for each principal and talking about them, but I'm collecting resources (stories, activities) to implement for the celebration next year. Anyway, here is the scoop for those of you who expressed an interest in more details.

While teaching our session on Religious Holidays / Holydays in our CRE program I realized that Unitarians did not have a holiday / holyday of our own. I believe we all need to be reminded of our beliefs and this is also a great opportunity to share our beliefs with others. This is a first draft. Please email me with any ideas to improve Chalica, as well as pass the idea along to fellow Unitarians.

Chalica - Celebration of the Flame (Unitarian Winter Holiday/Holydays)

Chalica is seven days long and runs from the first Monday in December through to Sunday. Each day represents a different Unitarian Principle, a chalice is lit each day and gift(s) are given and received. Gifts can be made, bought, verbal, written, acts, shared/personal celebrations. One can have seven different chalices or one common chalice. The days are as follows:

Monday: We light our chalice for the inherent worth and dignity of every person. -- Give gift(s) to honour those you do not understand / agree with / like. Examples: - a thank-you card celebrating differences - words of forgiveness / apology - a peace offering such as inviting someone to dinner - help someone in need

Tuesday: We light our chalice for justice, equity and compassion in human relations. - Give gift(s) to honour those in your local community that are less fortunate. Examples: - spend time in a soup kitchen - donate clothes to a worthy organization - display kindness and care to those around you - take part in a political demonstration at city hall

Wednesday: We light our chalice foracceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations. - Give gift(s) to honour fellow Unitarians and their spiritual journey. Examples: - a chalice / book / hymnal - extend words of peace or forgiveness to a fellow Unitarian with whom you may have hurt / not understood in the past - offer / take part in an event at your church / with your congregation - church potluck

Thursday: We light our chalice for a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. - Give gift(s) to honour another tradition, to honour education Examples: - offer / take part in an event that celebrates another religion / tradition - teach someone something you know and love - learn something new from someone else - give a book / read a book

Friday: We light our chalice for the right of conscious and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large. - Give gift(s) to honour democracy Examples: - help a political party - write your government - help a committee at church - host a dinner / party to celebrate democracy

Saturday: We light our chalice for the goal of world peace, liberty and justice for all. - Give gift(s) to honour our global community Examples: - volunteer with an organization that has global influence - write a letter for amnesty international - help your social justice committee hold a fundraiser - donate to a cause such as UNICEF, Doctors without Borders, etc.

Sunday: We light our chalice for respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. - Give gift(s) to our earth and/or its creatures Examples: - start a compost - recycle bottles and cans and donate the money to an environmental /animal aid society - rescue an animal from a shelter - hold an outdoor worship service (dress warm/bonfire)

Happy Chalica! --- End forwarded message ---

Holiday Happenings in AZ

Well, starting a few days back... I got a package in the mail from Tyler's paternal grandparents. The box had some new clothes for Tyler, including three hooded sweatshirts! I guess Grandmommy heard through the grapevine that Tyler has lost a hooded sweatshirt, a hooded denim jacket, and a winter jacket since the beginning of November. I told him, when I gave him the last jacket, if he lost it he'd have to suffer until the weather warmed up. And sure enough, when his dad came to pick him up, I told him... 'Tyler doesn't have a jacket. I hope it's not too cold in VA.' The clothes are all too big, so I put them away, and wrapped the sweatshirts. He'll be thrilled to see them :) Also included was a check for $200, with instructions for me to buy a gift for Tyler from them, and something for the girls as well so they would remember Lean & Rev, and know that they had been remembered. I pondered for a while on this... and decided to get them soemthing I've been wanting them to have for quite some time but have never felt justified in spending the money, and something the kids would have forever. I got each of them a chalice necklace. For those of you who don't know, the UU religious symbol is a Flaming Chalice. While Tyler's grandad is a Reverend for the African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church, I still felt this would be a fitting gift on their behalf... so I ordered Tyler a Contemporary Chalice (he always complains about chains so I'm hoping the leather works better) and Halle and Daija each a Rachel Chalice. I'm hopign they arrive by New Year's Eve, which is when we are doing our family celebration, after Tyler comes home.

Christmas Eve: we were told Thursday to go to lunch and don't come back... I was outta here by noon. Stopped and picked up tickets for Zoolights, similar to Ei's light display but at the zoo and featuring mostly animals and classical and holiday music. Drove down to Ahwatukee becasue I found out Wednesday that one of Daija's gifts ran out of stock before they shipped ours... d@mn amazon.com! I found something comparable, but not quite as cool at Toys R Us. I guess I could have waited till this week since we're spreading out our gifts, but that was the only chance I'd have to shop ALONE. I stopped at Target to get batteries for Tyler's stocking, and film. And earrings for Halle's stocking. And candy for the stockings. But then I bought sunglasses for each of them. And a movie to be a New Year's Eve gift. And a footed bowl candle holder... I was actually looking for a chalice for our table but 'real' ones are quite expensive. This one is glass (easier to clean), is the perfect size, and was only $9.99. Unfortunately, I still spent about $100. I'm hopeless... I should never have gone in there.

When we were grocery shopping on Friday early afternoon, we saw these porceilain dolls that were 50% off from $24.99... Halle was practically hyperventilating. They not only had a black doll, they had two wearing different dresses. I love porceilain dolls and the girls have a few... but they're hard to come by. I couldn't get back before the store closed at 6PM, and of course I had totally hinted that maybe santa would bring them each a doll. I was not feeling motivated at all; we usually watch a sunset to observe the solstice or attend UU services, but about 4:30 I decided we weren't going to do anything. I read, and tidied around the house, and eventually we went to McDonald's drive thru because I'd forgotten about cookies and all the stores were closed by then. We went home the girls took baths, and we watched Christmas cartoons on cable until they passed out. I put together the scooters and filled the stockings. I tried to carry Halle to bed but she was crying hysterically to see Santa, so I let her sleep in the living room. She came back into my room at some point, going right past the scooters without seeing them. When we woke up around 7AM, she asked me if it had snowed LOL. Then we went to check for Santa's visit. The girls both loved the scooters and their stockings... I put Halle's earrings in a jewel box and it was so cute to see her slowly open it and squeal. I hoped she would forget about the dolls but a few hours later she commented that Santa hadn't brought her doll. :( I made up an errand and went and got them as the store was open for a few hours Christmas Day. Daija was down for a nap, and Halle fell asleep watching a movie while I was gone... so I snuck the dolls under their stockings and didn't say boo about them. Halle spotted them after she woke up, but it took a while (Crystal and I were both dying). She figures Santa forgot them the first time around. ;) Ei, it must be an 8/31 thing too because that night at dinner Halle was talking about believing in Santa and Santa believing in you.

Then Saturday night we started our new tradition... honestly I feel a little fake doing Kwanzaa. I wouldn't if Ro or Joel celebrated the holiday, but (culturally speaking) Joel is darn near as white as I am and Ro has absolutely no interest in celebrating it. I've just always questioned my ability to 'officiate' that ceremony authentically, without denigrating it. So when Ei forwarded me an email about something called 'Chalica', I was enthralled. UU has seven principles, and someone somewhere suggested taking a week in December to really focus on our seven principles and what they mean. Like the world really needs another candle lighting holiday/light festival in December (Hanukah, kwanzaa, solstice, christmas, new year), but it's wearing sometimes trying to adapt the traditions of other cultures or faiths to be meaningful to us in ours. So Christmas night, we light a candle in our chalice for the first time for our first principle, and talked about what that principal meant, and what it meant to us and how we 'live' it. I'd bought seven gifts for Kwanzaa anyway, so we were all prepared. The girls each opened one gift the first night, and a second gift last night. The first night was great... I'm letting them choose their own gift from under the tree each night. The first night, Halle chose the package with he 4-ever Best Friends, so I gave Daija her beauty set. Halle was over the moon with her gift, and Daija loved hers too. They played with them all night and most of yesterday. There was minimal mess to clean up, and no overwhelmed, worked up kids with too much stimulation. Then when it was time to choose a gift yesterday afternoon, I was so glad I decided to scale back this year. Halle has such a case of the gimmies. She chose her gift and one for Daija... it turned out to be the book of tangrams for her and a puzzle for Daija. Well, Daija loved the Care Bear Puzzle, but Halle burst into tears. Despite the fact that she loves the tangram set that the school psychologist loaned me last year for Tyler, this gift just wasn't good enough. I explained to Halle that I chose that gift because we really need to give the school back their tangrams, and I know how much she loves them. I told her that I bought her that gift because I thought she would really enjoy it, and that it was very kind of me to do so, and her rudeness was hurting my feelings. I told her that when someone does something kind for you and gives you a gift, you have to use manners even if you don't care for the gift. I insisted that she say thank you, and then I told her I would put the book away and while she thought things over. If she changed her mind about it, I would get it for her, but if she decided she did not want the gift, we could donate it to someone who maybe had never been lucky enough to play with tangrams. Either way I am fine with what she chooses - she will either learn to appreciate a kind gesture, or she will learn to give to those less fortunate. After we ate dinner and lit our chalice for the second principle, we took the zoolights passes 'Santa' left in their stockings and went to zoolights. We really had a wonderful time. The moon was full and it was a little overcast, so kinda hazy. I took a couple pictures of it that I pray turn out. On the way home, Halle told me, that she was thinking about 'the game'. I asked her if she'd decided she wanted to use it, and she said, "I'm still thinking"... and that warmed my heart to know she is really giving the situation thoughtful consideration. I hope she learns what I'm trying to teach with this... that it's the thought behind the gift, and not the glitter that makes it special.

Phoenix Winter Wonderland

OK, for those of you in bad weather, I swear I'm not trying to rub it in... I just thought this was really cute!

Phoenix Winter Wonderland

Palm tress wave, are you listenin'?
In
the pool, water's glistenin'.
A beautiful sight, we're happy
tonight,
Livin' in a Phoenix Wonderland.
Gone away is the
blizzard,
here to stay is the lizard
A warm sunny day, we like it that
way
Living' in a Phoenix Wonderland.
In the desert we will have a
picnic,
cactus sand and rattlesnakes and sun.
Christmas dinner is an old
tradition,
It's pinto beans and tacos by the ton.
Later on we'll
perspire,
temperatures rise even higher.
A warm sunny day, we like it that
wayLiving' in a Phoenix Wonderland.

A reconcilliation?

I almost don't know where to start with this one, so I guess I'll just spit out the short version. Ro wants us to get back together. At first, I thought he was yanking my chain. Then, when I realized he was completely serious, I figured it really had more to do with the girls than with me. He is adamant that isn't so; yes, he misses them but he also misses me and'little talking Tyler'. He misses everybody. He thinks we can work out anything if we compromise. Needless to say I was pretty much completely thrown for a loop by this. When I left him last year I never anticipated us getting back together; I believed that what I valued and considered a priority and what he valued and considered a priority were too different. Over the last year the dynamics of his relationship with the kids has changed a lot, and there have been other changes that I didn't give much thought to before now. We had several long talks about his issue with me, my issues with him, and our respective priorities and what he wants and what I want. I have mixed feelings; on the one hand, leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did because I thought I would never be with anyone else. Our relationship and our family is all I ever wanted. Part of me thinks I have to at least consider the possibility of us working things out, and the other part of me wonders if I'd just be moving backwards. I know there are a few people who think I'd be out of my mind to get back together with him... and a few people who think it wouldn't be me moving backwards, but us moving forwards. I agreed last week to date him. Which is funny to me, because we never dated in the first place. I still wonder, if I'm not just a little crazy.

My *new* most embarassing moment... EVER.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I experienced what I may think may go down on record as being the most utterly humiliating moment of my life. Background: Toya, my best friends niece, has two kids that go to MLK and one that goes to the daycare Daija goes to. Apparently, a woman dropping off her grandson fell out of her car and had a heart attack in the parking lot that morning, and Toya was there dropping off her kids at the time. I picked up Daija first Wednesday night and Toya asked me if I knew anything about it because she was really worried about the family. I know a lot of people at the school so I told her I'd see what I could find out, and headed over tothe school to get Tyler & Halle. Now, by the time I get to the school, usually the only people there are the custodial staff since the office closes at 4PM. So I see one of the custodians and asked him about it. We talked a little about getting ready for the holiday and a little about how unfortunate that family situation was, etc. The kids saw me pull up and came over and just as they were walking up, he commented 'I never see your husband.' I was kinda taken by surprise, and replied 'No, you probably wouldn't.' He asked, 'Why is that?' and I just looked at him, and he said 'Oh, you're not married' and something about my ring, which I didn't really think looked like a wedding band but I guess these days it's hard to tell. But I digress... I of course there is this huge pregnant pause; I didn't know what to say in response to that. And in this huge, pregnant pause, my daughter, the one I should have chloroformed at birth, opened her sweet, angelic mouth and said with a giggle, 'you two look like you're in love.' And I felt my face turn purple and after a moment of stunned silence he asked, 'what did she say?' and I announced it was time for us to go and just started walking. Halle had already turned her attention to arguing with her brother and in this cacophony of noise, he tried to ask me if we could talk sometime and I just nodded like the village idiot. And a week or so later he did ask for my number. He's a nice guy but he's in his early twenties. (sigh) He told me right before my birthday he was dying to spend some time with me. I told him that what didn't kill him would make him stronger. He's sweet, but I just don't see anything coming of it. I feel kinda bad now because I don't know how to tell him I'm just not interested. If he was five years older, I would probably go out with him, but the difference between 31 with three kids, a dog and a mortgage and 23 with no responsibilities to anyone other than yourself is just too much of a stretch.

Look what the cat dragged in, Part 2

OK, volume one was the past six/eight weeks... this one is more about right now. I'm checking out Valley UU and there are a lot of things I really like about it. UUCP is in a very wealthy area and has way more empty nesters and seniors than families... VUU is in a suburb and so there are a lot more families. They have a much stronger RE program and I met with the Directorof RE and really liked her and where she wants to go with it. The congregation as a whole is a little more diverse than the one at UUCP, which is good. But I'm still feeling it out - I've been to four services. I really liked the first three, but had mixed feelings about this last Sunday.I think the Christmas Eve service may be a deciding factor.

Halle has blossomed from reading sight words to reading 'easy readers' independently. She still objects to new books, but once she's gone through a book once she likes to read it over and over. I've seen her take a couple level 2 Barbie readers that I had bought for her, when Tyler was in level 2s o he could read to her... she adds 'contextual' words whenever she hits something she can't sound out and she's pretty good at keeping with the story line. Joel flew in last Wednesday and he & Tyler left on Thursday morning.They'll be back on 12/29. Santa will come at Solstice (Christmas) and we'll start Kwanzaa on 12/26 and just let Tyler catch up after he gets here. But our family gift exchange we'll do on 12/31 at Karamu (the traditional Kwanzaa feast). I'm looking forward to finally doing Kwanzaa.

I'm reallys truggling with Tyler's meds; it's normal to have to titrate up several levels to find the most effective dose, but his appetite has just plummeted and he's been expressing some really anxious thoughts about how his peersperceive him. I've talked to his teacher and the staff at his after school program and they all say that Tyler is not having problems with the other kids. When I go to pick Tyler up he is always playing with other kids(basketball, kickball, football, board games, etc), but to hear Tyler tell it he is ostracized. I made an appointment for 1/3 with our pdoc. I'm hoping she will be on board with what I want to try; if she's not I'm going to have to find either a psychiatrist who can handle Rx's, or as a worstcase scenario, I may have to find another pediatrician for Tyler who specializes in children with ADHD. I've been trying to find psychiatrist (not a psychologist or therapist) within a reasonable distance from my home and I'm not having much luck. I really like Dr. S and I think she's a great (general) pediatrician, but neurological disorders aren't her specialty and she may not have the 'right' experience for Tyler. I'm praying it won't come to that and if she doesn't feel comfortable with my suggestion, I'll be able to find a good psychiatrist who has the experience to do it.

Yesterday morning I gave Daija one of her presents: a doll that only potty's when she sits on her potty seat. Halle was really coveting that doll so I decided to give it after Halle went to her winter rec program. She absolutely loved it and carted it all day. Then I took Daija to sears and got her 2yo portraits. I have a picture of Tyler and I from his 2yo portraits, so when Halle turned 2 I got hers too. So of course Daija and I had a picture taken together as well. She just loves the camera... the photographer said it seemed like her favorite thing in the world was to haveher picture taken and that she couldn't believe how well Daija was following her instructions to lay on her stomach, put her hand here, there, etc. I think I may see a runway in this one's future, especially after the pdoc's comments.

Then we went to my doctor to talk about my issues... some of which I was having last year when I saw him. Mostly that I think I am undiagnosed add.I have a handle on a lot of stuff I could never keep up with at home, but I'm still struggling at work with the portions of my job that are on the'boring' side. I really excel at the things that are crisis level, but the ongoing projects don't get the attention they need. He ordered some labwork to rule out anemia and thyroid stuff (again, but we did that lastyear), and for me to go be screened for add as well as depression. I went through a really rough spot in November, but I really don't think I'm depressed. I guess I'll let someone else make that call though.

Then after lunch it was off to Daija's 2yo well check. Dr. S and I talked for a long time about Daija's attitude... I've never had a hitter before and frankly I'm not sure what to do about it. Dr. S said everything we are doing is 'right', and gave a couple other suggestions; we may have to just ride out the phase. I told Dr. S that I feel like Daija's hitting has a lot to do with her being frustrated because she doesn't communicate well... that her 'actions' seem so much more advanced than her speech. I gave her some examples; if I'm in the kitchen and she's hungry, she will go to the cabinet and get three kids' plates or bowls from the cabinet. She will get a glass of water by herself. She will get a stool to reach things. A few weeks ago Daija was on a stool playing in the sink, dumped suds on the floor and said 'Uh, oh, mama, make a mess' and got a sponge to wipe it up. Dr. S said wow,that's five words... we expect an average 2yo to be using 2 word sentences.She was watching Daija put on her boots, and said it was really impressive that she had the coordination/dexterity to put them on herself, and even got them on the right feet. She said that I might have another Tyler on my hands in terms of intelligence. {sigh}. But Daija is 26 lbs, 6 oz, and 36!!! inches tall. She's still 50th % in weight, but is between the 90th &95th %iles in height. Dr. S says if she's stays on this trend, she'll probably be about 5'10". Model material ;)

Look what the cat dragged in, Part 1

I have recovered from my post election November blah's and December is winding down... so if nobody minds I think I'll be back to pester you guys. I went to my last Christmas party last week. Daija's birthday was yesterday... all the shopping is done for Solstice and Kwanzaa except stocking stuffers and a gift cert for my sis. Although, just to make things fun, I'm planning our
First Annual New Year Open House on Jan 1. I sent out our holiday cards, so I hope you guys receive them before the holidays.

So, how quickly can I recap? Earlier this year I began to feel like my congregation (UUCP) just didn't meet the needs of my family, or families in general for that matter. Last March, I had been thinking about checking into another UU that is about the same distance from where I live now as the one I had been attending, but then I met Mike. He was just joining the church (VUU) and finding his space there so I decided not to do anything. I hadn't been to church since May but since our ministers take summers off I didn't really feel the impact until services would have resumed. I was missing the UU community, but knew I didn't want to go back to UUCP. I was
kinda stewing over the fact that I was stuck with no church because no way could I go to the other one and risk seeing Mike. I had a bells and whistles moment and realized I needed to be there for a particular service and told him I was going to invade his church space (this was mid-Nov). Turns out he wasn't attending all that regularly anyway because of his schedule, but he acted like the possibility of me attending there was the best idea he'd ever heard. That conversation led to a realization that although he had respected my wishes that he not call me, I was getting a lot of mixed messages from him. He was emailing me more often than warranted
(usually once a week) and seemed to want more of my friendship than I was prepared to give so soon after a painful breakup. We had been broken up for well over two months and it still felt like it had just happened. I was fine if I was busy, but once it was time to lay down, or if I was alone in my car with my thoughts, I would cry more often than not. So in the midst of this mental crisis I was having I realized that I was avoiding dealing with this grief, and that he might be doing some avoidance of his own in regards to his expectations being very idealistic. I felt and I needed to acknowledge it and face him. I called him and asked if we could talk, either directly over the phone or in person, because we were both avoiding dealing with some things and neither of us doing all that well with the break up. That was a Thursday, and to my surprise he suggested we get together Saturday. Then Friday he cancelled and asked if we could reschedule for a week or two later due to finals for his classes. He has continued to email me but has made no mention of us talking and determining, realistically, what kind of relationship we could honestly have with each other. He seeks me out, but unless we are talking about ME, MY work, MY kids, MY family, the conversation just dies. Last Friday I told him that I didn't see why he continued to contact me; he isn't open or communicative with me and because of that I don't feel comfortable being open with him, and that it's just not much of a friendship. He emailed me back and said
that he understood and I am right. I'm not sure exactly what that means. I know I'm right... I'm always right. Almost, anyways. But regardless, I felt better about the situation with him from the point I hung up the phone from asking him if we could talk and I haven't cried since. I realized that although I do/did care very deeply for him, it was the comfort of the relationship I was grieving as much, if not more, as losing his presence in my life. I was disappointed, but not crushed the next day when he asked to reschedule. While I'm not thrilled that he never followed up with it, the fact that we still haven't talked really doesn't bother me that much. I guess I feel like I'm finally 'over it'... and for he and I to talk now would just involve me going back to a place I don't want to revisit. I think Mike is still a phenomenal person and care a great deal about him, but his inability to open up to others or to deal with emotional issues will not make it possible for us to be friends. At best, we can be two people who parted on friendly terms. Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to tell him this as kindly as possible. He's out of town until 12/28, so I have a little time...

My little man is off for the holidays...

Tyler wrote a note this morning:

Dear Family,

I'll miss you while I'm gone.

Full House...

Ro is planning on going to England next week, and called Monday afternoon and said he'd keep Daija for the rest of the week. Which is nice for Daija, and good timing - I just spent the equivalent of my van payment on this radiator issue I was having. It shaves a little time off my commute too. So he's staying at my house this week. Joel called at 7:30 to let me know he's on his way to Raleigh. He usually tries to take the red eye right back out, but there isn't a red eye on Wednesday nights. If he gets on this flight, he'll stay the night at my place and fly back out in the morning. Which should make for an interesting evening at the Whitmore house... two baby daddy's under the same roof.

VUU

I have been to VUU three times now, twice with the kids, who seem to be enjoying it. I like it as well. I haven't seen Mike there, although he did ask me how it was going and if I was still considering attending. I told him considering was a good word, I hadn't made a firm decision yet. I won't be going this weekend because this party goes quite late. I think I'm going to continue to attend when I can through the holidays and continue to see how it fits. They do have a Thanksgiving potluck on thanksgiving, which really appeals to me if we do stay there. I love big group dinners at thanksgiving. And they have a special children's service on Christmas Eve, whereas at UUCP, it's more of an adult service with a little 'children's moment' thrown in.

Hyperactivity disorder tied to brain irregularities

Monday, November 29, 2004 Posted: 12:38 PM EST (1738 GMT)
CHICAGO, Illinois (Reuters) –
Brain scans of children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder show abnormalities in the fiber pathways along which brain signals pass, scientists said Monday. The finding indicates the disorder may be more than just a chemical imbalance, they added. Using an imaging technique called diffusion tensor imaging, researchers found subtle anatomical differences in children diagnosed with ADHD that may affect communication between key areas of the brain -- the frontal cortex, basal ganglia, brain stem and cerebellum. "These areas are involved in the process that regulate attention, impulsive behavior, motor activity and inhibition -- the key symptoms in ADHD children," said lead researcher Manzar Ashtari, an associate professor of radiology and psychiatry at North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System in New Hyde Park, New York. In another study, Ashtari found the brain irregularities diminished in children who had been medicated with stimulant drugs for an average of 2 1/2 years. "The findings ... indicate that the therapeutic effect of stimulants may involve a brain normalization process," said co-researcher Sanjiv Kumra, a psychiatrist at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks, New York. "Typically, ADHD is described as a chemical imbalance, but our research has shown that there may also be subtle anatomical differences in areas of the brain that are important in this disorder," Kumra said. Between 3 percent and 5 percent of American children are diagnosed with ADHD. Millions take stimulants to counteract the behavior, which can be disruptive both at home and in school and can lead to problems later in life. The research was presented at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.

VENT: Phoenix Zoo Field Trip/Assignment

So Halle brought home this social studies project she has to complete to go on referenced field trip. I looked at the cover sheet and first page last week, and it looked simple enough... asked her to draw a picture. We've been swamped at home and I never got back to it, until last night. It's due Wednesday, and we should have worked on it over the weekend but it slipped my mind. Anyway, I go through it last night and was pretty irate. The cover sheet indicates she would need minimal assistance... but she's supposed to list things she wants to see at the zoo, what books she's read about the zoo, if she hasn't what books she'd like to read, what animals are found at the zoo, what are only on farms, explain what a reptile is and why the two new rhinos came to the zoo, and write two sentences about why she thinks they have their names. There are no resources included in this assignment (as in, details about the rhinos, lists of books, a worksheet with pictures of animals where she is supposed to circle the ones found in the zoo). It is an essay style assignment and this has to be done all in her own handwriting. Tyler would need 'minimal' assistance with this assignment; Halle will need 'considerable' assistance.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Whitmore, Cynthia
> Subject: Phoenix Zoo Field Trip/Assignment

> Halle will not be turning in her zoo field trip assignment on Wednesday.
> My support person is on her second week of vacation and I have had to
> bring work home several nights, in addition to preparing for our holiday
> celebration, and simply do not have time right now for homework that
> requires much more than what I would consider minimal assistance. Please
> accept my apologies as I can't find a better way to express this, but I do
> not consider this a homework assignment for Halle. Basically, it's a
> homework assignment for me. While she is more than capable of drawing the
> three pictures independently, there is little else on the assignment that
> either won't be spelling out for her, or writing for her so she can copy
> it. This assignment is on par with the work that Tyler brings home, and I
> find it a bit much for a five year old who spells and reads only sight
> words, and does not yet write sentences or surf the internet, to be
> expected to manage without considerable help. I will be able to review
> this assignment with her over the holiday weekend, however, I may not have
> the time to stand over her shoulder and dictate animals, book titles,
> sentences, and theories about animal names to her, and much of the
> assignment may be done orally. I understand that probably will not count
> toward her grade, and am willing to accept that. I also understand that
> you may exclude her from the field trip for not completing the assignment.
> I have explained to her that I will take her at another time, since it is
> really my failure to have adequate time to do this assignment, not hers.
> Also, I find some of the questions confusing and am hoping you can
> elaborate. There are, to my knowledge, no animals at the Phoenix Zoo that
> are only found at the zoo. While many are endangered, they can all be
> found in the wild, and Halle is aware of this. There are also a number of
> farm animals at the zoo, and since we have a membership to the zoo, Halle
> is also aware of that... so should we answer that question differentiating
> between the main zoo and Harmony Farm, or answer that question with names
> of farm animals that are not specific to this zoo? Also, in the question
> about what books Halle has read, I am unsure if the question is about the
> Phoenix Zoo specifically since Zoo is capitalized in the sentence which
> indicates a proper name, or what books has she read about a (generic) zoo.
> Regardless, this is going to require more research on my part... to hunt
> down several book titles/authors and descriptions for her to choose from,
> or to try and find the title of the book she has read. I haven't been
> able to find the one I thought we had; I believe it was donated.
> Thanks in advance for helping clear up my confusion.

Our Weekend

We made it to Raleigh and had a really good visit. It's very pretty there... and the weather was nice. About 10 degrees cooler, but still nice enough for the kids to go outside and play. Steph's husband, Keith, kept commenting how small it is. I know it's a capital and everything, but it seemed really rural to me too. I guess because there were so many trees it was hard to see much else ;) Most of the office buildings I saw were in two story, house like buildings. We went out for tempenyaki (sp?) Saturday, which the kids all loved. Daija kept sharing her (bitten into) food with the couple sitting on the other side of her. The lady was a champ - took it totally in stride and held out her hand for every morsel Daija offered her. I was quite relieved however, that she didn't actually eat any of it.

Queenie Mama for President

Tyler and I were just talking, and he said that if he could vote, he would vote for whoever was losing (my baby is so sensitive). I said that no matter what, he should always vote for the person who will do the best job for the country. Halle swung around in surprise, and said 'mommy, you're the best one for the job', like Tyler and I were stupid for not having figure that out. Who wants to be my running mate? Sorry, Gabe, but Abe Lincoln, watch out. Halle just nominated her momma.

Election Day

I went, got there around 7:30/7:40 and there was a small line but I didn't wait very long before a booth opened up. I spent a good amount of time reading up on local propositions, and I was really proud that I felt like I made informed votes on all of those. My boss was in line for a really long time though, but she lives in a white, upper middle class/upper class area... average age 40, average household income probably 3/4x mine. I was busy busy busy yesterday edumacating myself on all my local propositions. There were a couple that were really hot items 'round here... a lot of finger pointing and drama about what the end results of these props would really be and two that had one side accusing the opposite side of misleading the public. And of course the other ones no one knew anything about cuz all anyone talked about were props 200 & 400. So I did a little bit of researchin', and when I stopped on my way to work to get my little 'I VOTED TODAY' sticker.

Halloween

I wish 'Halloween' would be moved and simply celebrated the last Saturday of October. I'm sure my children are just gems in school today after last night. We went to Enchanted Island Amusement Park like we usually do. We did that for a little over an hour then headed home in hopes of t/t'ing for a little while. I think next year we need to t/t first, then go to Encanto. The party is from 5PM until 9PM, and I noticed that after 6PM, the loooong line for ride bracelets disappeared. By the time we got home around 7:30PM, about half the porch lights were out, so we only went to about six houses before the 'unofficial' end of t/t'ing at 8PM. The kids had a great time; we talked in advance about leaving the park and Tyler did AWESOME; when I said it was time to go, he said 'OK'. Halle pouted for about a second. Daija had mixed feelings about the event. She looked very serious during all the rides she went on, but pitched a fit every time I took her off a ride. She just didn't get that she was going to get on a different one in minute. I was laughing at myself, shoving her into her stroller as she kicked and screamed, then digging frantically for a piece of candy to placate her until the next ride. What a model of parenting skill. But she just LOVED t/t'ing. She was sooo cute; she was not shy at all about walking up to doors and holding out her candy bag. Of course Tyler and Halle would get to the door first, and then after she got her candy she would race after them as fast as her tiny little legs would carry her. Her costume was hooded, and bulky, so her balance was a little off and she didn't have much peripheral vision. She would be running along and at the corner where the sidewalks would meet the driveway, every single time she stepped off the pavement into the grass with one foot, and went tumbling. She never made a whimper though... tolerated me picking her up, then shoved me off so she could retrieve her bag, and she was running again, just as fast as her little legs would go. I tried to teach the kids how to sing 'Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat'. I have clearly spent too much time lecturing them about manners. Tyler was pretty tentative singing it, and Halle got mad at him every time he said it. He'd sing it, and she's say 'Ty-LER' through gritted teeth. I never did get Daija to say trick or treat, but she did say 'day-doo' (thank you) at the last house.

I just printed off a bunch of info about all these different propositions for the election tomorrow... man, this requires way too much brain power.

Magic Fog & Sky Spit

This morning there was this thick, heavy fog, which Halle has never seen before. It was so thick that I could only see about two houses ahead of me while driving this morning. She asked where it came from; I told her it was magic here for Halloween. Her eyes got sooo big. Which reminds me of when it rained last week; Daija doesn't really remember the last time it rained. We were outside and some drops fell on her face, and she kept saying 'eeeewwww' and wiping her face; I think she thought she was getting spit on :)

yikes...

I only have until Friday or Saturday to do my benefits changes. I just sat down and estimated, what my contacts and Halle & Tyler's Rx's and well visits for all of us are going to cost me next year, taking into consideration the increases in my copays and that Tyler's pediatrician thinks his vision is about 20/30 and he's probably going to need glasses soon, how much money I need to put in my medical TFSA. (sigh) $800.

Hell, again...

I had to talk to Halle's teacher yesterday and give her a heads up that one of Halle's friends from class told her that if Halle went trick or treating, she would 'go down to the devil'. Well, I wasn't thrilled by it because Halle gets upset any time she and Hasani have a disagreement, but I know it wasn't said out of malice. I know the little girl very well and she is a sweet little soul. She always runs up and hugs me whenever she sees me and on Monday told me that she wishes I was her mother. I've met her parents, and they are also lovely people. They obviously don't celebrate Halloween, and I'm sure that they've had to try to explain to their little girl why she doesn't get to dress up or go Trick or Treat, and their reasoning is probably that they believe it is Satanic or otherwise sinful in nature, that God wouldn't like it, etc. She's just repeating what her parents believe, but she's still at an age where everything is either black or white - good or bad - right or wrong. I only brought it up to her teacher because Halle may choose to disclose her version of what we discussed if the subject comes up again at school. I wanted her teacher to be aware of what was going on in case Hasani's parents call with any concerns that Halle told Hasani something that is contradictory to their religious beliefs.

Huffing

So I took a plunge from one of the skyscraper high diving boards of parenting today and talked to Tyler (and Halle) about huffing. I've been dreading having to do this for so long... you just never want to have to be the one to tell your kids about the bad stuff. But if he doesn't hear about it from me first... I don't want to think about where and how he'll learn it. He'll be in Jr. High next year. He knows that drugs are bad, and says all the time that he won't do them... he understands that there are legal and illegal drugs, etc. But huffing is something he might not understand is a 'drug.' I've been getting these newsletters from www.theantidrug.com (that's me, btw, in case y'all haven't heard the PSA's), and today there was a link to a newspaper article about a couple boys in Michigan that died (Second Bay City teen dies after 'huffing' accident). I took it home and had him read it, and we talked about what it means to get high... he thought it meant get taller. Can you just imagine, my little baby who is always complaining about being short and wanting to grow, being offered a way to 'get tall?' He'd sign right up. So I explained that sometimes people use drugs to get high, and it's kinda like people using alcohol to get drunk. And I told him how I hope it never happens, but that some time someone might ask him to get high by breathing some fumes, or smoking something, or taking a pill, or sniffing something into his nose, or injecting something in his arm with a needle. I told him how sometimes kids think that it's not dangerous to breathe in fumes from paint or gas because you can buy it at the store, but that it's still really dangerous... it makes you do stupid things like light cigarettes by gas and cause fires, and the chemicals can hurt your body so bad that you can be sitting at home and just fall over dead, even if you're only 14 years old, or 12 years old, or 10, or 8. I told him that getting high can make you hurt people, and steal from people, even people you love like your family. I told him how if a woman is pregnant and does drugs it can hurt her baby so bad the baby can die, or be born with something wrong with it's body, or with brain damage that would make it hard for the baby to learn in school. He wanted to know how I learned so much about drugs, so I told him my introduction to the concept (Elvis) and then he looked at me like I was stupid and commented, 'you know I'm going to think about this tonight when I'm trying to go to sleep' and I told him I wished I never had to ever tell him anything scary or bad, but that I have to make sure he understands how dangerous huffing is. But he's sleeping sweetly now, so hopefully 'Pirates Past Noon' was what he was thinking of after I turned out the light

Halle Update

Halle's still writing her morning message every day... and last week she got 100%'s on both her spelling and math tests. I guess only one of the other 2 kids in her class got 100 on the math. My baby girl is smart :)

In other news...

I've started calling Daija 'Houdini'... I swear she can get into and out of anything. I had to put the extra tall baby gate up at my bathroom entry to keep her out of my makeup. The only thing two baby restraints she can't get out of are her carseat and her feeding chair. She can get into the fridge. If the deadbolt isn't on, she can get out of the house and into the garage. My garage door is weighted... it won't stand open by itself, it's heavy so it will swing shut. HALLE has trouble opening it. But Daija followed me out into the garage two or three times over the weekend. I had to put a flip lock on the pantry to keep her out of it.

Tyler and Halle both brought home perfect attendance awards Friday, and Tyler also brought home an honorable mention award... not bad for a kid who was failing second grade a year ago. I need to remember to call Halle's teacher (someone remind me) to find out if she's doing her morning message every day. I keep forgetting to take that stamp to her teacher.

MAJOR Announcement!!!

Those of you who are mothers will understand... the rest of you will think I'm insane. But I'm OK with that... It's nothing I haven't known for a long time...

Daija came to me tonight, grabbing her backside and saying 'boo boo' (translation: I got #2 in my diaper). I said OK, let's go get it cleaned up and went to the laundry room, where our changing station is. She walked right past me, and started down the hall. When I went to grab her to take her in to the changing pad, she took off running. Went straight to the toilet and tried lifting the lid (which, for a change, was down like it's supposed to be). I asked her, Do you want to sit on the potty? And she replied 'Poh-yee'. So I grabbed the little toilet training insert and got her on there... and sure enough, she finished the last of her 'boo boo' IN THE TOILET!!!

Life is good

SUMBITCH

No other way to describe it. I ask Tyler about his day over dinner, and he tells me something about the school being shut down because there was a crazy person with a gun. I'm thinking, naaaah. I check their backpacks... and in each one is a lovely notice from the principal to inform parents that the school was on lockdown from 7:20 until 8:35 while the police were investigating a shooting at 28th & Chipman, which I believe is less than a mile away.

Halle Update

Well, so far so good. Ro and I had a good long talk with Halle of the good cop, bad cop variety. I did the, 'we want you to learn' and he did the 'you'll deal with me if I hear any more reports like this'. I picked up some stickers and told her that I'd put one in her box on the calendar for every day that she wrote her morning message. I'm going to drop off a little hand stamp with her teacher, so that when Halle turns in her morning message, she can stamp her hand, then I know to give her a sticker. I told Mrs. B.A.G. that I was going to focus on improving just that one area for now, in hopes that getting her off on the right foot first thing in the morning will carry over into the rest of the day, and that once Halle is doing her morning message regularly, I'll focus on another problem area. Apparently Halle came into class both yesterday and today and got out her paper and pencil and got to work, so teacher says it seems to be working so far. Let's hope she keeps it up!

The birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees...

Tyler actually got in trouble last Thursday at PAC because he and another boy were talking about sex and privates. I talked to Tyler and he said that Rashaad said that Tyler had a pretend girlfriend and he was pretending to have sex with her. I was giggling when I asked Tyler if he knew what sex was, and he burst out, exasperated, 'No, I don't, and that's why I never pretend to do it!' Anyway, at that point I could totally see how Tyler would have felt compelled to yell back 'no I'm not having sex' etc. I've always had the approach that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know... and while Tyler knows how babies grow and how they get out, and all the 'correct' names for body parts, he's never asked how babies start or exactly what sex is. But I think we need to have that talk. I love his naivete, but I don't want it to cause him to be a target for being coaxed to do or say inappropriate things (like yelling 'I'm a gaylord')...

oooh, aaaah

... I lost my bra, I left it in my boyfriends car.

Gawd, I love other people's children.

Edited Version:

Oooh, aaaah, I lost my car, I left it at the shopping mall

3rd presidential debate

I didn't see any of the other debates but I did catch about half of this one. I was really bothered by Bush deflecting the question on minimum wage and going off on a tangent about NCLB for a couple reasons. While I believe that better education leads to better wages, I don't think NCLB is going to do that, and frankly, there are educated people out there who are having trouble staying employed so I really was disappointed by his insinuation that the problems in our economy are because of a failure in the education system. There are a lot of educated people who are unemployed and under employed, and the issues in our public education system are not to blame for that. I also wish he would have rebutted some of Kerry's remarks with something more substatial than stating Kerry didn't know what he was talking about. I'd have liked to have heard a detailed, concise, and solid reason or reasons WHY he thought Kerry was wrong.

Tyler & Halle's Conferences

Parent teacher conferences were about two weeks ago - had Tyler's first and he's doing really well. No behavioral problems, his focus/attention is good. He's not consistent with getting his homework turned in though - but that's almost to be expected with him. Other than that, his handwriting is now what she considers grade level, and she confided that his handwriting is not the worst in the class by any means. BUT, it is still laborious for him, which is one of two problems contributing to the improvements he needs to make in language arts. Because it takes him so long to write, he often loses his thought before he's done with the physical activity of writing. He does anything and everything he can to cut whatever he is writing about short - very few details, frequently fragmented sentences. She feels his analytical/logical nature also is a hindrance and she wants him to work on being silly/funny/creative in writing, and that it's OK to write about a character in a way that you wouldn't talk about a real person (like maybe make the character ugly, or crazy, or stupid, etc). So that's going to be our focus for him with his tutors. Oh, and his reading fluency doesn't match his comprehension and apparently Tyler interests lie in/he is choosing books that are beyond his fluency so I need to help him work on that.

Pleased as punch, I head over for Halle's conference. I got over to see Mrs. A.G., and I didn't think it was going to go well when she started off by saying 'Halle, Halle, Halle'. I commented as such, and she told me she is not very happy with my daughter right now. She said she thinks she is a very sweet girl, but she is not happy with her. Apparently, Halle does *nothing*. She comes into class with a smile on her face, but then goes to her seat and sits there, and usually does nothing while the rest of the class writes the morning message "Good Morning. Today is (month, day)." I swear to all that is I almost fell out of my seat when she told me this story.... the other day B.A.G. told her she couldn't have treat or free time or whatever was going on that day until she did the Wednesday morning message - which Halle did. But the on Thursday, thinking it had worked well the day before and she gave Halle the same instruction, Halle came to her two minutes later and said 'I'm done!' She had taken the paper she used Wednesday and erased Wednesday and 29, and wrote Thursday and 30 in their place. I was so glad Halle was not there; I couldn't have held it in. B.A.G. told me she thought it was pretty funny too, but would never tell Halle that. She figures if Halle was smart enough to do that, Halle is plenty smart enough to be writing the message every day like she's supposed too. B.A.G. tells me that she looks at Halle, and Halle looks at her, and she looks at Halle, and Halle looks at her. She says she gets the impression Halle thinks it's her job to sit there and look pretty; she will look over and Halle will be straightening her skirt, or adjusting her socks, etc. She gets a 100% on almost every spelling test, and got an 85% on the last reading test. Academically Halle is one of her best students, but she isn't doing anything to demonstrate that. She has moved her seat several times, no results. She has tried time outs, but that seems to suit Halle just fine (I can agree, Halle used to put herself in time out all the time). She's at a loss, I'm going to try and figure out a way to give her some incentive that will be easy for B.A.G. and I both to follow through on. She and I also talked about kinder standards and how lax the other kinders in the school and district seem to be. I told her how I was totally overwhelmed at the first of the year by her pace but had to say I am so impressed because obviously it isn't overwhelming the kids and they are clearly rising to the challenge, Halle included. She complimented my list of questions and asked where I got them, so that made me feel like a good mom :)

Pro-life? Look at the fruitsby Dr. Glen Harold Stassen

I am a Christian ethicist, and trained in statistical analysis. I am consistently pro-life. My son David is one witness. For my family, "pro-life" is personal. My wife caught rubella in the eighth week of her pregnancy. We decided not to terminate, to love and raise our baby. David is legally blind and severely handicapped; he also is a blessing to us and to the world.
I look at the fruits of political policies more than words. I analyzed the data on abortion during the George W. Bush presidency. There is no single source for this information - federal reports go only to 2000, and many states do not report - but I found enough data to identify trends. My findings are counterintuitive and disturbing.
Abortion was decreasing. When President Bush took office, the nation's abortion rates were at a 24-year low, after a 17.4% decline during the 1990s. This was an average decrease of 1.7% per year, mostly during the latter part of the decade. (This data comes from Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life using the Guttmacher Institute's studies).
Enter George W. Bush in 2001. One would expect the abortion rate to continue its consistent course downward, if not plunge. Instead, the opposite happened.
I found three states that have posted multi-year statistics through 2003, and abortion rates have risen in all three: Kentucky's increased by 3.2% from 2000 to 2003. Michigan's increased by 11.3% from 2000 to 2003. Pennsylvania's increased by 1.9% from 1999 to 2002. I found 13 additional states that reported statistics for 2001 and 2002. Eight states saw an increase in abortion rates (14.6% average increase), and five saw a decrease (4.3% average decrease).
Under President Bush, the decade-long trend of declining abortion rates appears to have reversed. Given the trends of the 1990s, 52,000 more abortions occurred in the United States in 2002 than would have been expected before this change of direction.
How could this be? I see three contributing factors:
First, two thirds of women who abort say they cannot afford a child (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life Web site). In the past three years, unemployment rates increased half again. Not since Hoover had there been a net loss of jobs during a presidency until the current administration. Average real incomes decreased, and for seven years the minimum wage has not been raised to match inflation. With less income, many prospective mothers fear another mouth to feed.
Second, half of all women who abort say they do not have a reliable mate (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life). Men who are jobless usually do not marry. Only three of the 16 states had more marriages in 2002 than in 2001, and in those states abortion rates decreased. In the 16 states overall, there were 16,392 fewer marriages than the year before, and 7,869 more abortions. As male unemployment increases, marriages fall and abortion rises.
Third, women worry about health care for themselves and their children. Since 5.2 million more people have no health insurance now than before this presidency - with women of childbearing age overrepresented in those 5.2 million - abortion increases.
The U.S. Catholic Bishops warned of this likely outcome if support for families with children was cut back. My wife and I know - as does my son David - that doctors, nurses, hospitals, medical insurance, special schooling, and parental employment are crucial for a special child. David attended the Kentucky School for the Blind, as well as several schools for children with cerebral palsy and other disabilities. He was mainstreamed in public schools as well. We have two other sons and five grandchildren, and we know that every mother, father, and child needs public and family support.
What does this tell us? Economic policy and abortion are not separate issues; they form one moral imperative. Rhetoric is hollow, mere tinkling brass, without health care, health insurance, jobs, child care, and a living wage. Pro-life in deed, not merely in word, means we need policies that provide jobs and health insurance and support for prospective mothers.
Glen Stassen is the Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary, and the co-author of Kingdom Ethics: Following Jesus in Contemporary Context, Christianity Today's Book of the Year in theology or ethics.

Monday, back to work...

Well, I feel like I worked all weekend. My weekend was pretty good - productive. Got a lot of work done in the yard yesterday, and a lot of house cleaning... and I rearranged by bedroom. I think I have a little more space this way, even though I had to give up a little 'Fung Shui' to do it. There are only two walls I can put my bed on, and it just so happens that the one that makes sense for the bed, faces the door. But not directly, so I consoled myself with that. The wall that my bed was on is really better suited for an office nook. Anyway, it seems to look better this way, and I can actually feel my ceiling fan now... and I can see my TV from the bathroom (on those rare occasions I remember to check the weather channel!) Got the kids' Halloween pictures done, and I am now counting down to our appointment for family holiday portraits on 10/30. I have 4 more pounds to go by then... I've decided that breaking this weight loss down into five pound increments works a little better! So I'm focusing on getting down to 135 by the end of this month - that probably where I need to be to fit comfortably into most if not all my winter clothes. I probably already told you about my wardrobe crisis; I'm trying really hard to buckle down. I had gotten down to 138 and then shot back up to 144. I went back to phase 1 last week and did pretty well despite the obstacle of a couple oatmeal raison cookies... I took off four pounds. I'm down to 139 now and I'm so excited that 130 is actually on the horizon! Then I'm going to give myself until the PAI Christmas Party to lost another five. I had wanted to get to somewhere between 125-130, so I'm going to see after I get to 130 how that looks/feels before I decide to stay there. Of course, these are very lofty goals considering the holidays approaching. But I made up a 4/5 week meal plan last week and I think that's really going to help. I wrote down specific days for eating out, which are about half as often as we have been. I think I may just rotate the same plan instead of making a new one every month. Five weeks is a pretty long time to go between having the same meal twice...

Five year old girls: Built to cause terror...

Thus goes my Friday afternoon:

3:15PM My cell phone rings. Tyler indicates to me that Halle is not at PAC (Phx Activity City, after school program at MLK).

School is dismissed at 12:30PM on Fridays.

I ask to speak with Miss Nikki, who tells me that Tyler asked to call, and that she had not seen Halle all afternoon, and had thought I had picked her up early or something.

I call the office, and inform the dumb *** secretary (seriously, I think she's an idiot) that Halle is not in PAC. She seems to think *I* should know where Halle is, and informs me that the teachers are all in a meeting. I inform her that I left Halle in the school's custody this morning, therefore I expect her teacher to be able to tell me where my daughter went when school was dismissed, and I need to speak with her NOW. She goes to get her, and B.A.G. tells me that after school, Halle and another student who go to PAC were walking to the cafeteria after school. I inform her that Halle never arrived there, and she indicates that they will do an all call and search the campus. I try to call Salvation Army; their rec center is where ASU's Service Learning Program that Halle and Tyler attend on Tu/Th is, but their line is busy.

3:25PM With most of my coworkers huddled in my cube, I call 9-1-1. I am praying she's at salvation army, but if she's not, someone has a three hour head start with my baby girl and I figure Phoenix PD can check all possible places I think she might be in the time it would take me to get to my car.

3:28PM I hang up with 9-1-1, try Salvation Army again and get through; the old guy who volunteers at the front desk puts me on hold.

3:29PM I get call waiting from the school, click over to Nikki who tells me Mrs. Poole (the attendance clerk; she has a clue and I really like her) got in touch with Salvation Army and Halle went on a field trip with the ASU tutors.

3:30PM Having been disconnected from Salvation Army, I call back and Mr. Volunteer puts me on hold, and gets Miss Janet (preschool director at the Salvation Army) who tells me that she saw Halle with someone from the ASU 'Garden Club' (comprising of the tutors from the SLP). I inform her that I have never heard of the Garden Club, and would love to know why the HELL anyone would take my five year old daughter on a field trip without my knowledge or consent. She says she will go and search the community center for Halle, and I ask her to please do so, so that I can call off the swat team.

3:35PM I am on the phone with ASU's switchboard trying to find out who the Hell is in charge of the Garden Club and where they took my damn child; Miss Janet calls back and tells me that she found Halle in the rec center Library. Apparently Halle got there, realized she was not supposed to be there, and being unsure what to do, just went to the Library with the 'Library Lady', and never mentioned to anyone that SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.

3:38PM I call back to 9-1-1, who informs me that the police have been at MLK for 11 minutes. I explained that I was en route from work, but had just gotten a call and that Halle was at Salvation Army. Ms. 9-1-1 says she'll have the officer meet me there.

I have to give major props to Phx PD - by the time I had tracked Halle down by phone, they had already been to the school and had knocked on all my neighbors' doors... they also beat me to salvation army. I don't think Halle was scared (in her mind, she was in a safe place) at all until I got there and she saw how upset I was and that I had called 9-1-1.

First day of school

We managed to get up and out of the house yesterday! On time, running smoothly. Ro went with us to school; I could tell he was a little 'alarmed' by the school. It's about 50 years old; the school Tyler went to was only 2/3 years old and from what I heard, they went way over budget. It's also about 50/50 Black/Hispanic, with only a handful of white kids and I could tell he was going to the stupid place about that too. He started asking me about private schools which I'm against at this point; there are none in this area I'd be willing to send the kids too, and I can't drive across town for the two/three programs I'd be willing to try. We had a heart to heart
about the quality of the teachers vs. the size of the budget and I think he really came around to see my point of view. I pointed out how well Tyler has done there at the 'gangsta' school and how much trouble he was having at the 'country club' school... and said that if when the kids get older they aren't getting what they need there I'll be happy to revisit it but I really feel like it's important for them to be where they are for now.

Tyler had a great day... all the kids from last year are still in his class, except one of the James' who is still at the school but apparently not in the gifted program anymore. This James was the James who wasn't a particularly good influence, so I can't say I'm unhappy that they won't be
in such close quarters. There are two new boys, and three or four new girls. Mrs. H said he was a little talkative, but that was to be expected.

The kindergarten teachers at MLK don't have teacher's aides (!!!) so I wound up doing that all day yesterday. The kids are just priceless... and a couple of the girls have really high aspirations for kinder. During 'circle time', Mrs. A/G was asking the kids what they wanted to learn. Most kids said read, write my name, one kid wanted to learn to do a cartwheel. But Hasani wants to learn to be a mother, either Kayla or Krishelle wants to learn to be a doctor, and Halle announced that she already knows how to read, so she wants to learn how to baby-sit babies. I really like Hasani, she told me while giving me a hug that I have a really small stomach. Made it a point to introduce myself to her mother ;)

Halle's day had ups and downs... she started off with a bang... happily waved goodbye the first time I went to check on Tyler. Things started to go downhill at the potty/water break. There are 15 girls and 4 boys. There are four stalls in the kinder bathroom. Needless to say, there was a wait for the girls room. It was very hot. Halle is not about being uncomfortable. So 30 minutes or so later, when the teacher needed to turn in attendance and coupled that with a tour of the school so all the kids would know where the nurse and office was, Halle decided it was too hot for a walk so she would just stay in the classroom with me while I made writing packets. I wound up going on the tour of the school. Then, when they started an activity, Halle decided to join me at the work table, and got teary when I sent her back to her seat. When I left to grab something to drink & check on Tyler, she cried. this is when I returned and she wasn't working. I asked her what was wrong, she said she didn't' know what to do. So I'm going over directions, and Mrs. A-G informs me that she knows what to do, because she had turned around to tell someone else what to do. She eventually finished her assignment, and did great at lunch. Cried when I left her room to have lunch with Tyler... when I came back, still not really working. Finally Halle starts working, and almost completes the sheet before Art. She went happily to art without me, and I finished homework folders and chatted a little with her teacher. She did a little better with the activity they did afterwards, but was still more concerned with correcting the mistake the child next to her was about to make than she was with completing her own work. She went to PAC (Phoenix activity city after school program held in he gym), and wanted to stay. So I left for an hour; apparently while I was gone, Miss L. Jones (gifted 2nd grade) went
into the gym, and Halle asked her to stay 'I want an adult to watch me'... apparently Halle wasn't satisfied with the three adult staff members of the program. After we got home, I checked her backpack and her homework was missing. When I questioned her about it, she responded 'I didn't want it.' I asked, 'Where is it?' and she replied 'I put it in the trash at school.' I have explained that the homework was not an optional activity. Last night I told her what a great kindergartener she was, and then went on to explain that I would not be able to stay with her Tuesday because I had to work. She indicated she did not want to go back to school, and that she would rather stay with Crystal. She started to cry, but calmed down when I started naming some of the kids who would really miss her. First thing this morning she did not want to go to school, but by the time she was dressed she seemed fine... I took her to school and waited until she had gotten breakfast and that's all I know. I'm really curious to see how day two went. I have about another hour till school gets out and I'm just dying to know.