and the saga continues...

As you know, I told my sister on the 4th that I thought it would be better for her to just get a storage unit, it would be cheaper. I was surprised that she sounded upset, I expected her to be relieved to save between $100 and $150 and at the same time, get out of a 'lease agreement' for a room she obviously didn't want to live in. On the 5th, I called my mom to see how things were going. Mom tells me that Crystal is angry at her. Apparently Crystal wasn't going to call me at all, and mom told her she needed to before she got kicked out. So it was my mother's fault that she called me and was kicked out anyway. My head reeled! A) that she thought this was my mother's fault in any way, rather than a natural result of her behavior and b) she had been absent from the premesis for the majority of March and had made no effort to pay rent or make payment arrangements for the month of April. I didn't kick her out, she had left of her own accord three or four weeks prior! I just asked her to remove her abandoned property from my home. On Thursday, my sister calls to ask me if it will be OK if she comes next weekend (this coming weekend) to get her stuff. She won't have any money to get a storage unit until then, because her phone was shut off and she had to pay the bill to get it turned back on. I explained that it just didn't make sense for her to pay me rent when she could get a storage unit for far less, but that I understood and the following weekend would be fine. When I get home that night, Ro tells me that he was watching TV and heard something creaking. He muted the TV and heard it again. He got up to check it out, figuring it was the dog, and as he let the dog out, sees my sister slipping out the door with a basket of stuff. He said she didn't come back and say anything, so he didn't even attempt to address her. This of course just strengthened my resolve that she simply cannot continue to live here.

So I've been speaking with my mother regularly about my nana and I found out this Monday, that Crystal had not intended to call me to let me know she couldn't move her things last weekend, and that my mother insisted she call. Mom also tells me that Crystal, and my brother's girlfriend, are very unhappy about what they are going to be charged for room and board: $500. They say they can't afford it. This is when I found out that they are both working only part time, and neither are looking for full time jobs. And that my sister's car payment and insurance together are about $500 per month. AND, that she was suspended on the Friday BEFORE she bought the car. She had it all lined up, but hadn't signed any paperwork or put any money down. Knowing that was her third suspension for the same thing, she still went and bought the car. For some reason, she was convinced she would not be fired. Then, after she was fired, she made no effort to look for a job for weeks.

Someone 'splain this to me. She has $500 in expenses for her car (which astounds me, it's hardly bigger than a minute), she is only working part time. She told me on the 4th that she was planning on moving in the next 45 days, but was not planning at that point to live with my mother. I don't know where she thought she was going to live where her rent, utilities, and groceries would be less than what she paid living here or what she knew my mother was planning on charging our brother for living there. The mortgage at the house my mom and grandma just bought is twice mine, so even divided by more people the expenses are higher. And she knew what my mother had told my brother and his girlfriend rent would be, before the move and before she asked my mom if she could stay there 'for a little while,' which she didn't do until after I told her I wasn't interested in receiving her rent and would prefer she move. My mother told my brother, his girlfriend, and my sister that their rent was due on the 25th of each month for the following month, and presented them each with a lease agreement. She also told them that if they do not pay the rent, they have 72 hours to leave. My sister, and I think my brother's girlfriend, refused to sign the lease, citing it too expensive. My brother has no problem with it, as this was discussed and agreed on prior to them moving into this house at the first of the month.

So, I'm thinking this: If Crystal gets paid on the 15th, and is only working part time, I doubt she can afford to pay $500 to my mother by the 25th (which is before her next payday), rent a storage unit, and cover her expenses for gas and whatever may come due for her vehicle between the 15th and 29th. I start wondering, now that I know she was planning on just not showing up last weekend and now that I know her financial situation, if she is just going to no-show this weekend because she doesn't want to tell me for a second time that she doesn't have money to move. Yesterday my mother called me about my grandmother, and I asked if Crystal was there/could I speak with her. She was asleep, and I heard her tell my mother she would call me back, but I didn't hear from her. I called my mother again yesterday to see if Crystal has said anything, or made any arrangements with my mom's husband, who has a truck and agreed to transport her stuff from my place to wherever but said he's not packing or moving a thing. My mother was under the firm impression that Crystal had called me later that morning before leaving for work. I tell her I think one of two things is going to happen. My sister is going to blow me off again and blame it on the outrageous rent my mother is making her pay, or she is going to tell my mother she can't pay rent because I 'kicked her out.' None of the issues will be related to the fact that she was fired from her job after she got yet another customer complaint, her third suspension. It won't have anything to do with the fact that she financed a vehicle when she should have KNOWN her employment was in serious jeapordy, or that she made no effort to find a job for weeks afterwards, or that she has taken a part time job and made no effort at finding full time employment. It won't have anything to do with the fact that she has been blatantly disrespectful to me or that her behavior has had a negative effect on Tyler and Halle. I told my mom that I really appreciated her insisting Crystal call me last week, but please don't say anything else to her about contacting me. I wouldn't have expected her to just no show then, but I'm aware it's a possibility now. I really want to see what she is going to do when left to her own devices. I already have ample grounds to legally declare that she has abandoned the residence and will be able to declare the same in regards to her property if she doesn't show this weekend. I can't have this dragging out forever, and it's clear that she has no sense of right or wrong and will continue to take advantage for as long as I let her.

"The base of all things is love, respect."
--Vickie Downey, TEWA/Tesuque Pueblo

The greatest weapon of any Spiritual Warrior is love. Love will change minds; love will forgive; love will let go; love will cause good luck; love will heal; love will cry; love will get rid of resentments; love will overcome fear. Love loves love. Any human who is loving will be guaranteed respect. Respect loves love. We need to love and respect ourselves.

Grandmother, Grandfather, today, lead me on the path of love.

"Once you make a friend, a friend never leaves you, even to death.

So a friend is really hard to find."
--Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

Once, an Elder told me he made a decision to be my friend. He said this friendship wasn't based on my behavior or how I acted; he said the friendship was based on his decision. He decided to be my friend. This friendship has happened like he said. Even if I don't see him for a long time, or if I get mad at him, he has never changed his decision. This is true friendship.

Great Spirit, I'm glad you are this kind of Friend.

The 'Crystal Saga'

I know I've mentioned to a few people that there was some drama with my sister, but that it was a long story, and it's been stretching out for two months. Here's the condensed version:

The first weekend of February is when it started - she left the house Saturday morning and comes in Sunday evening while the kids' and I are watching TV. Monday morning I leave for work and there is an unfamiliar car in the driveway. She never mentioned, either before she left or after coming home, anything about a new car.

The rest of that week, she came home later and later each night. I figured she was just enjoying her first car, plus my brother had recently moved into town and was staying with my mother, who lives about an hour away. As one week stretched into two and she wasn't coming home until between midnight and two each morning, although her shift at work starts between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I knew something was up. I didn't ask here where she was, although I did mention to her that the kids were asking where she was. She volunteered that she was working double shifts at work. I knew it was highly unlikely her company needed telemarketers so badly that she would be putting in 80 hours a week. I was actually starting to worry that she might be partying and developing a problem there, because she was downright pissy whenever she was at the house, which wasn't much. Early in March, a concerned family member, who requested anonymity, called to tell me Crystal had been fired from her job 2/3 weeks ago. I wasn't surprised... she has been written up twice for customer complaints and the second time it happened they demoted her. This becomes a joke around the house between Ro and I... once he asked her, 'Aren't you working today?' and she replied, 'No, it's my day off.' Yeah, today and every day. It's a comedy at work too... with coworkers stopping by every few days to see if she's moved out while I was at work or something. I didn't say anything for a while, I was hoping she would come and talk to me about it. I finally confronted her about three weeks ago, and told her that I didn't care... it was her job, or lack thereof, and what she did about it was her business. But this isn't how you treat family, it's not how you would treat a friend, and it's not even how you would treat a roommate. I told her that it showed a marked lack of respect and that I didn't want to live with someone who felt that way about me, and if this is the way she was going to act, she should just move out. I clarified that I was not kicking her out, just that if this is the way you feel about being here, please go. I haven't seen her since. I know she's been here to pick up mail and other items, but she hasn't moved anything out. She paid rent for March, so as far as I was concerned, that room was still hers. I anticipated that she would move her things out by the end of the month, as she had not come 'home' since that conversation. The kids have asked several times why she hasn't been around and I'm at a loss as to what to tell them. They have each made comments though, that indicate even though their feelings are hurt that she just disappeared, they are relieved that she is gone and overall, didn't like her living here. So it's now April, and she had made no effort to contact me about staying and paying rent or moving, etc. I called and left her a message last night, and she called back this evening. OK, short verion over.

I asked what her plans were. She said something about her checking account being messed up, and that tomorrow she would give me a little more than half what she pays in rent, and if it was OK she would give me the rest and some extra out of her next paycheck since it was late. I told her that I wouldn't have charged her a late fee, and she said I know, this is my penalty to myself. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, so you give me a little guilt money and that makes the way you've acted for two months OK? But I thought that might be inflammatory so I just asked why she was even going to pay rent. She replied, because my stuff is still here (not, because I live there) so I asked, are you planning to move out? and she replied, not right away, but within the next 45 days. I asked why she hadn't just talked to me about this (because I should not have had to call and ask), and she said that she had planned to talk to me in person because it's not nice to tell someone you're moving out over the phone. I said, no, and it's probably also not nice to tell someone you want them to move out over the phone, but when the one person avoids and lies to the other person for six weeks that's kinda the way it has to happen. She says she has not avoided me or lied to me. I guess it's just coincidence that I haven't laid eyes on her in over a month. I told her, You have not been up front with me about things that could have had a negative affect on me financially (I decided not to address that the cold shoulder offended me and hurt the kids, that I figure she knew and she obviously could care less). I really don't want you to pay rent. I'd rather that you just came and got your things and if you need to put them in storage, that will be cheaper for you. I asked if she could maybe make arrangements to do that this weekend, and she said she probably could and would get in touch with me to set something up. I could tell she was pissed by her tone, but I just thanked her and said, "I really think this will be better for both of us."

The kids heard part of the conversation and asked if she was coming home. I told them that I had asked her to move out. They wanted to know why, and I explained that I didn't think Crystal enjoyed living here and that instead of talking about it she was just being unhappy and doing things that made the rest of us unhappy, like not spending any time here or being cranky when she was here. We talked for a while about it... Tyler is glad she's gone and Halle said even though she was amean auntie she thinks that I should be able to talk to her so she won't be so mean. They wanted to know if she hated us, and I told them no, it's not them, but that she might be upset with me but I'm not sure because she hasn't talked to me about anything. I told them that I've talked to Crystal several times about being considerate and kind and honest, and that there wasn't anything else I could really do about it. Halle wanted to know if I still loved her and I said yes, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea for us to live together. It seems like she wants to be a grown up and be on her own and if that's the case, she shoudl go and do that and I can't let her live with us and treat them and I the way she has been. I stressed many, many times that I am not Crystal's mom and that she is a grown up so I can't really do anything about her behavior.

But Tyler still asked me, when I was tucking him in bed, if he did something that I really hated over and over and over, if I would sell him. I told him no way... because you are my kid and we belong together and it's my job to help him and teach him the right things.

I have a feeling Halle won't miss Crystal nearly as much when she realizes she'll (eventually) be getting her own room.

Points to Ponder

"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail."
-- Abraham Maslow

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. "

"But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way."
-- Jane Austen

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-- Winston Churchill

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
-- Anonymous

"I'm not overweight, I'm just nine inches too short."
-- Shelley Winters

"Normal: what the average person can accomplish with little or no effort. So why be normal?"
-- Bob Seay

"Today I feel like the meat in an idiot sandwich!"
-- Anonymous

"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents."
-- G. C. Lichtenberg

"Walking Eagle: Person who is too full of crap to fly."
-- Athabascan Tribes saying

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
enough hope to make you happy."

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."
-- Erica Jong

"It is not true that life is one damn thing after another.... It's one damn thing over and over!"
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."
-- Mark Twain

"Nothing so much needs reforming as other people's habits."
-- Mark Twain

"If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all."

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they are going to have some annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor

Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching.
-- Assyrian clay tablet 2800 B.C.

Devoting a little of yourself to everything means committing a great deal of yourself to nothing.
-- Michael LeBoef

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.

Do all the good you can, ...
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.
-- John Wesley

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
-- Erma Bombeck

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
-- Booker T. Washington

Hoppy Easter!!!

We had a good weekend, even though I felt like I was running a marathon. We went to Disney on Ice Saturday, and the kids loved that. Sunday we went to church and they had a little Easter Egg hunt. I should have taken pictures, the girls were so beautiful and Tyler looked so handsome and grown up. Then we drove out to Surprise to visit my nana at the hospital. She's finally out of the intensive care unit, and is in the part of the hospital where they do physical therapy. She told me yesterday that she'd just found out that she was going to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair with a urine bag. My mom didn't know anything about that so I don't know if a doctor told my grandmother that after my mom had left, or if she's just afraid that's what's going to happen and has blown it up in her mind. I couldn't get to the store by myself this week to get the kids' Easter baskets, so my mom went and got them and left them in my nana's room for when we got there. That was really nice, my nana enjoyed watching them eating their candy and it gave the kids something to do other than mess with all the electrical equipment.

Not much in the way of updates, but...

I'm trying to get it together at work since I'm out next week. Taking the kids to SB Sunday and coming home Wednesday. My grandma went into the hospital last Saturday night because she couldn't breath again and was intubated until yesterday. I'm not sure when she'll be able to go home. Ro left Sunday night for England again. Oh, and he called last night because he is supposed to say something at the wedding, congratulating his sister and welcoming her husband to the family. He is clueless what to say and asked for my help, so I'm trying to think of something manly.

You may call me Madame President!

OK, not of the country or anything, but of my kids' PTSO (parent teacher student organization). Kinda operates like PTA, but independant from the state/national association. I kinda got it by default - I've been asking the principal about PTSO for the two years Tyler has been there, and when they held the informational meeting to form a PTSO, I was the only parent there for the first 30 minutes. So I found myself confirmed on Wednesday, and manning an information table and speaking at a literacy carnival on Thursday. You can imagine, between writing the speech and designing an informational flyer to hand out... didn't get much sleep wednesday night. Actually, I haven't gotten much sleep in the last week period.

I'm really excited about this... and nervous too. The school hasn't had an active PTSO in about five years, and IMO, it was probably because they weren't well organized. Apparently, the parents involved moved on over to the middle school and there wasn't anyone to replace them, so I'm guessing they may not have done much in the way of recruiting new members to take over. In a K-3 school that's really important, since each student is at the school only 4 years, rather than 6 to 9 years as they are in K-5 or K-8 schools. You know how I am with a new project... I've spent so much time doing research, and to have a really successful and effective PTSO you have to do a lot more than just send home flyers occasionally. Unfortunately, that seems to be the way most PTSO's operate. And on top of that, there were four principals in the last five years, and resurrecting PTSO just never happened. So I'm starting from scratch. There is some money in the PTSO account (how much TBD), but there are no bi-laws, no minutes of past meetings, no records whatsoever except the bank statements (the treasurer is an employee at the middle school across the street; she also used to work at our school and she's just continued to act in that capacity despite the PTSO being defunct).

So I'm researching how to write bi-laws and trying to figure out what committees I'll need and recruiting members and volunteers. I found some really great resources, one of them being the Three for Me Promise www.three4me.com, and I'll be using that to launch our volunteer drive. We'll be pooling for committee chairpersons from that. I've got lots of great ideas for events from my research too, and I can't wait to get those started.

Well, I should get to work, I have potential volunteers to call from the sign up sheet we put out at last week's literacy fair.

Please don't eat the airplane...

Background: Daija and I have a little war of words where I say 'you silly' and she replies 'no, YOU silly' which can often diffuse a potential temper tantrum.

So over the weekend, I am about to change her diaper and notice a foreign object in her mouth. I asked her to spit it out and it's a couple peices of her little foam AWA plane. I asked her not to eat the airplane, and tossed the peices into the trash. Daija, being two, cries... 'No, MINE!!!'

To distract her, I comment, 'Daija, you have a poopy butt'

And she shoots back, 'No, YOU have a poopy butt'.

I swear, I saw a little bit of a neck roll.

President's Day Weekend...

The kids had the day off school yesterday so I took a vacation day. Got a good bit done around the house Saturday morning, and then laid down Saturday afternoon after I put Daija down, thinking I would take a quick nap (damn Ro, damn him and his naps)... slept for four hours. Was up half the night Saturday.

Then Sunday I went and took my nana out to lunch. My deadbeat brother (the one previously AWOL) is here again, although I do have to commend that he found himself a job within a week this time. I don't know if I mentioned, but during the time frame that he was AWOL, he had an online girlfriend from AZ who was a single parent (either pregnant with her first or had just had a baby). Not 100% sure what happened with that relationship. FF to now: Well, he had another online girlfriend from AZ. (see a pattern?) He moved out here and into my nana & mom/step dad's place. So did his online girlfriend... she and her 3mo daughter (see another pattern?) moved up from Tucson. Now, my brother has been here for all of about three weeks, and he proposed to her a week or two ago. Can y'all just SEE my eyes rolling out of my head and bouncing on the floor? Apparently things aren't going that well between my nana and mom... my mom feels like my nana doesn't like her kids (my siblings). Let's see... my oldest younger sister never so much as sent a card or called to offer her condolences when my grandfather died. My brother... well... do I need to say anything? My youngest sister... well, that's a long story but she generally has attitude (and this is the sibling I know for a fact that Nana doesn't like, but I’ve never seen her be nasty about it, at least no more rude then they are to her). Crystal (younger sister #3, sibling #4, the one who lives with me) also tends to be very short with my nana. Now, my nana is getting up there and is certainly getting more and more challenging to deal with, but frankly if my siblings aren't likable my mother has no one to blame for that. My nana thinks Daniel & Connie & her baby should get their own place... apparently my brother has fines to pay off in KS (I think related to his license) and for this reason, they can't do that. And apparently my nana, mother, and her hubby have all put in a bid on a house... a 4 bedroom house. My nana says she's not sure how that happened... she never wanted more than a three bedroom house. I bit my tongue, but I know exactly how this happened... and my nana can probably expect to be living with my brother and whatever desperate for a man single pregnant/just had a baby internet relationship my brother digs up after this girl realizes what my brother is really like. Or, god forbid, she doesn't realize what he's really like or is OK with is, which means she's just as much as a loser as he is.

Oh, and on my way home from there, I got a flat tire on my new car. Go figure, my spare tire is not a donut... it's a full size spare. Now, I've changed plenty of tires, but the spare was always a donut. It is really amazing how much heaver a regular size tire full of air is, than the flat tire you just took off. I never knew air was so damn heavy, and then because I was wobbly maneuvering it, the damn screws on the rotor thing kept moving! Made me sorry I told the first two people who offered to help that I had it. Fortunately a third person stopped and he got the tire on there for me. So that meant a trip to Discount Tire, and I really didn't feel like I got a discount. I could hear my grandfather's voice in my head (always have the same kind of tire on all wheels) so since the other three wheels were Michellin... there went $172 out of my pocket.

I also checked out two more preschools - the one I like best is unbelievably cheap, but Daija has to be potty trained first. I would hate to switch Daija mid-year, but I really like this particular daycare and I really don't want to leave Daija at Francis' until she's potty trained. That child is never going to stop telling people to shut up as long as she goes there every day. My plan had been to move her after the kids' spring break mid/late March, but I've been thinking of bumping that up a bit. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do now. I'm back to a toss-up between two preschools that were really comparable as far as price, but the 2yo room in one seemed a little cluttered and the playground equipment was a little sparse, but served meals, and the one that didn't serve any meals but had better playground equipment. I guess I'm going to have to visit again.

Tyler - Specialist Update

Oh, I am so behind! I got a phone call earlier this week from Dr. Kessler's office, to schedule Tyler for an appointment. His next available for a new patient: JUNE 20!!! The school year will be over at that point and I'm not sure if Tyler will already be in VA, but if not he'd be leaving shortly after his birthday on 6/27. I figured it would be better to start the process and be able to continue it uninterrupted, so I scheduled it for the last week of July, knowing he'll be back by then since school will start either that week or the following week.

Halle Brag :)

Look at a snippet of the email I got from the tutor Halle is working with this semester! I saw that Halle had some multiplication problems the other day, and she said that her tutor gave them to her, and I was wondering what the tutor was thinking, giving my kinder-girl times tables, which are generally considered 2nd/3rd grade math! Now, I figure she gave them to her because Halle, the nosy parkette that she is, was eavesdropping on the other kid's work. I guess that multiplication rocks CD is paying off ;-)

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, February 17, 2005 2:06 PM
Subject: Halle's tutoring

Anyways, Halle is an absolute doll, and I am having a lot of fun tutoring her. I bought her a white board and she practices her spelling on it, and she loves it. She is a very bright girl for only being in kindergarden... she picks up on my other tutor's 3rd grade math homework easily... she overhears us talking and shouts out the answers. She is amazing. If you have any suggestions or anything on what I can do to help her more, just e-mail me back! Sorry it took so long!

Heart Failure, & other news

So for Valentine's Day, Daija gave me heart failure. I was fixing dinner, Halle was doing her chores and Tyler had been outside, and was coming in and out of the garage to get various toys. I should have known something was up when Daija wanted me to help her put her monkey back-pack on. While Tyler was in his room, and I was in the kitchen helping Halle with sweeping, Daija opened up the garage door. Now, this would normally be no big deal because she was just looking for Tyler and wouldn't have gone any further than where he was. But, Tyler wasn't outside and in the process of opening the door, Daija let Ramie out. Ramie does love to sneak outside for a little jaunt, and if you follow her she'll run for an hour but leave her alone, and she'll be back in 20 minutes... so Ramie took off for her cruise around the neighborhood. Daija followed her. So I'm still in the kitchen, and had just asked Tyler, who had come into the kitchen, where Daija was, when someone pounded on my door. The mailperson, recognizing Ramie from the backyard, asked me 'Do you have daughter?' I knew what was coming next... 'I just saw her following your dog.' Now, why the lady didn't take her hand and lead her in our direction I don't know. I took off running and caught up with Daija and Ramie who had crossed two or three neighborhood streets, nearly two blocks from the house. I asked, breathlessly, 'Daija, what are you doing?' and she calmly pointed at the dog 'Ramie go.' It took some doing, but I convinced her that Ramie would come back but I needed Daija to come home now. Thank God Ramie headed back into our housing development and not for Southern Avenue. I am kinda glad that I've gotten the lost child out of the way early this year. I shouldn't lose another one until 2006.

Oh, and I flubbed the tooth fairy duties. I forgot to leave money under Halle's pillow Monday night. Tuesday, I told her that because she lost her tooth so late in the evening (right before bed), the tooth fairy probably just couldn't get it on her schedule that quickly. Well, while Halle was brushing her teeth, Tyler shook some change out of his bank and left two nickels and seven pennies under her pillow, and then led her back in there to show her where it was. She came running into my room all aglow over her 17 cents (little does she know the going rate for a tooth is now a dollar). I was a little freaked out until I asked how she found the money and she told me 'Tyler showed me' My heart just welled up - I have never fessed up to him that any of the gift giving icons aren't real. It was so sweet to realize that he plays along not only when it comes to himself, but also to create the magic for his sister. Of course, he pocketed two quarters and tried walking very carefully so they wouldn't clink... hoping I'm sure to buy a soda or some candy at school. How very un-tooth-friendly of him!

So, updating on me... I'm good - time will have to tell on the meds, though. Now that I'm off the cough medicine with codeine, I'm coming to realize that at this dosage, Strattera makes me sleepy, occasionally dizzy, and slightly nauseous for several hours after I take it.... the other week I thought it was the cough medicine and/or antibiotics I was taking (I started that stuff the same week I started the 60mg). Wednesday night, I did what a lot of people do, and switched to taking them before bed instead of first thing in the morning. I'm going to have to see how that goes... but if the sleepiness continues in the daytime I'll have to try something else. I was literally asleep (well, dozing) at my desk for almost an hour yesterday, sitting straight up. I feel much better today, so we'll see. I'd really prefer to stay on Strattera if taking them at night does the trick; my only other options are stimulant meds and I can't get a controlled Rx refilled; I would have to go to the Dr. to get a new Rx every month. I already have to do that for Tyler and it's a PITA. And while the Strattera hasn't totally changed my life and made me super motivated to do 'boring' stuff at work, or house work at home, it has helped me be able to keep my attention focused a little better in 'low stimulant' situations (like sitting on a 20 minute conference call where I only need to participate in about 2 minutes of it throughout the call). I have noticed some other really positive side effects that I'm not sure I would get from a stimulant med, since Strattera has similar affects as an anti-depressant (this per the psychologist). One of the common traits of ADHD is people tend to miss social cues. I've come to realize that Ro makes dead pan comments that I used to get really irritated by, and now I realize he's joking so I rib him when he says this stuff that used to really bug me and it's taken some old tension out of our relationship. I've also realized that I have been unfair in the past in regards to him helping. Admittedly, I do think he should help more than he does, but at the same time, I had a tendency to discount anything he did do to help, because it wasn't the way I do it or it wasn't what I considered a priority or what I wanted done. For example, if I leave the bed unmade, that doesn't bother me. However, if he leaves the bed unmade, or makes the bed but the cover is uneven, or pulled to high up, that would bug me. And I would get my panties in a twist with a 'if you're not going to do it right don't do it at all attitude' and remake the bed. Now, I'm just happy that he makes the bed when he gets up after I do and I make sure I make the bed if he gets up first. I still notice when he makes it that the comforter isn't straight, and that the bed skirt is lopsided from him shoving the mattress, but it doesn't bug me and I don't feel a need to 'do it right' or comment on it not being right. I'm just glad he made the bed. And when he gets the kids fast food, I don't get my panties in a bunch because it's not the healthy food I'd prefer they eat or because I had planned something for dinner, I just recognize that he was trying to give me a break from cooking. And he's started checking with me to make sure I don't have something planned for dinner (another thing I'd get pissy about... I'd get home and the kids would have eaten greasy old burgers, and I'd have thawed meat that would go to waste).

I also bought a car last Friday, a 1994 Dodge Intrepid. I made the very difficult decision that I am going to turn the van into the finance company. I have a $360 a month payment, and spent another $2000 in car repairs last year, only $500 of which was covered by my service contract. I had someone check it out while Ro was visiting his family and I had his car for transportation... I have a bad knock sensor and O2 sensor in addition to the fact that the a/c has a wiring problem my mechanic says will probably get very expensive to troubleshoot and there is another electrical problem that no one can figure out; every time I accelerate all the lights in the van come on even though all the doors are securely shut. I only have about 10 thousand miles left on my service contract, and already I anticipate spending at least another thousand dollars in repairs, and that's just what I know of. God only knows what else will fall apart on this thing before I hit 100,000 miles. And the finance company won't defer a payment when I have a car repair (none of which have been less than $300), so I have to short my mortgage and then my mortgage shows late until I get it caught back up. I just can't afford what this van is doing to my budget, and I do not want to get tied up in another 4-6 year car loan... until Daija goes into kinder (in another 3.5 years). If it wasn't for the payment, I could afford car repairs and maintenance. I am getting a nice tax refund this year, and decided to try and find a vehicle from a private owner, preferably a nice retired person who had driven it gently! Ro suggested I start looking now and if I found something really good, he'd give me the money for it (he finally sold his house in December) and I could just give it back when my tax return arrives. So I started looking and it took a week (boy, those sun city 'senior driven' cars go FAST!), but I found this car, which is 11 years old but only had 64K. The couple that was selling it was recently retired and it wasn't being used, as they had another vehicle. Since they were selling their house and moving, they decided since it wasn't being used anyway they'd be better off selling it. It had been the wife's car, and for the seven years they'd lived in AZ, she'd worked only a mile from their house and really only used the car to go back and forth to work. The interior is immaculate except that the passenger air bag cover warped from the heat, the paint looks great, and Chris, my mechanic, checked it out and said it was in great shape except for a leaking compressor, which I'd probably need to replace in the next year or two. It was obvious the car had been really well taken care of and I'd already looked at two that Chris deemed mechanically unsound (thank God for him, I could have been taken for a ride so easily!!!), so I made an offer and we did the title transfer that day. I'm still trying to work out fitting all three kids in back; I can get all the car and booster seats in but the kid have a hard time buckling up... but I'm sure we'll figure it out. Technically, Tyler doesn't 'have' to use a booster anymore but I really prefer that he does, I don't like the way the seatbelt fits him without it. I'm going to look into getting the front airbag disabled; then he could use his booster in the front seat.

A BIG FIRST!!!

OK, I know I've been quiet for a while but I caught a really bad case of bronchitis that kept me out of work for a week, and I (and the house) are still recovering from me being flat on my back for a week.

But, the exciting news that brings me here... Halle lost her first tooth! She had three total loose, two on bottom, one on top. One on the bottom was barely hanging in there, so I asked if I could pull it. She said yes, I gave it a teensy tug, and out it came. How exciting... Tyler's first tooth (and his second) just fell out of his mouth, neither of us ever knew it was loose. Halle has been savoring this right of passage for about two weeks now.

I think I'm going to sprinkle Halle with a little sparkly powder tonight so she'll wake up with a kiss from the tooth fairy :)

Another Tyler Brag

Well, here's a short post for a change. Tyler brought home his 8th consecutive perfect attendance award for last quarter, and also an award for making the Silver Honor Roll.

Rapping at the speed of sound...

Well, due to popular demand I pulled out Tyler's space book and got him to tell me what he had about to say. First of all, there was a typo in my other post... the paragraph should have read, the shuttle can travel much faster than the speed of sound.

So Tyler's question was... if you were the fastest rapper in the galaxy, would the shuttle get to outer space before you could say even one word. So we talked a little bit about the speed of sound... and we determined, that if the shuttle took off at the same time the fastest rapper in the galaxy started to rap, the shuttle would get to space, much faster than the sound of the rapper's voice. At least, I think that's how it works.

It really sucks to have a kid smarter than you are.

After I got home last night and got the girls in bed, I asked Tyler if he'd read any of the 'How to Become an Astronaut 101' articles I'd given him. He said, yeah... I learned a bunch of stuff I didn't know. I showed him some of the stuff I printed about the Civil Air Patrol, and had him read it, then asked him, do you think that's something you'd like to do? And he looked at me and said

I am going to do that.

And we talked a little bit about how it is soooo hard to become an astronaut... so he will have to work very hard starting now, but that even if he can't be an astronaut, there are still lots of other jobs he could do at NASA. He thought I meant he had to get a job now. I told him, no... that means you have to work hard in math and science. And you have to be a certain height (he cried, OH NO, I said don't worry... it's not really tall and he sighed, Oh, good!), so you have to eat right so your body has fuel to grow. You have to make sure you never ever do drugs, because drugs can hurt your body so badly. He brings up that, drugs are medicine.

So then we get into this discussion about legal and illegal drugs. There are prescription drugs that you get from a doctor that you need to help your body, but there are other drugs that are not legal, and it's not legal to take Rx drugs that are not yours. I remind him that some drugs are so dangerous that you can die the very first time you take them. I told him that I'd never done any drugs, so I knew he could NOT do drugs too. I told him how a lot of poeple I went to school with did drugs. He wanted to know how old... I said 13 or 14. He was puzzled, then said... '13 is too young to do drugs. They should have waited until they were 20... or maybe 30.' I was laughing on the inside, but I told him it was not good to do drugs no matter how old you are, but I agreed that 13 was definitely way too young.

Then we started talking about marijuana... I told him that pot kills brain cells so every time you smoke marijuana, you get dumber. I told him that one of the girls I went to school with smoked a lot of marijuana, and she didn't graduate from high school... didn't even finish 9th grade, and now she works at a gas station... and that she wouldn't even be able to get a job mopping floors at NASA.

THEN... Tyler says, 'so that's what nana does, right?' So then I needed to explain the difference in tobacco cigarettes and marijuana cigarettes... one gives you lung cancer, and the other is bad for your lungs, AND it makes you stupid. I am so bad... I'm gonna scar this kid, I swear.

So then he wants to know about other drugs, so I told him about a few, including street names. Now he wants to know what they look like, so he can stay away from them. I told him, we'll work on learning how to recognize them, but you remember these five things and you will be fine...

1. Never EVER take a pill from a friend, even if they say it's just aspirin. Don't swallow any pills unless me, Ro, your dad, or a school nurse gives them to you.
2. Never EVER smoke anything. Smoking is always bad for your lungs, and you never know what other drugs might be crushed inside.
3. Never EVER snort any kind of powder.
4. Never EVER put a needle in your arm.
5. Never EVER breathe in any chemicals.

I think it was the water...

regarding my post on testosterone poisoning... Phoenix had a problem with potable water and there was a ban on using it for consumption all day yesterday and most of today... and I think that might have been the problem. I wonder if he got some bad water before we heard about it. They cleared the water for drinking today. Tonight, Ro kept the kids while I went to Site Council and PTSO meetings at the school for two hours. While I was gone, he fed the kids the burgers I brought, made himself something to eat, cleaned up after the kids, took the diapers I bought and put them all in the basket where I keep the diapers, and gave the kids a snack. He left the house not too long after I got home, but before he went he put his leftover food in the fridge and told me to leave the pan; he'd take care of it.

Careers in Space...

Well, the goal of being an astronaut is kinda like wanting to be a professional basketball player... The number of people who make it that far is very very small. I had read, on one of my 2E lists, where one parent told another that if her son really wanted to work for NASA, not to ever give him meds for ADHD, because that would disqualify him from entry into the program. I've heard the same thing about military service. If I hadn't read that, I probably would have thought Wow, Tyler... that's a great goal. Good for you. And left it at that. So when I started looking at the requirements to see what it said about ADHD and if what I'd heard was fact or rumor, I saw the flight hours required to be considered for the space program. It's a lot and would be very difficult to accomplish as a civilian... the easiest way to get the hours is to be either a commercial or military pilot. Now, Tyler has been interested in space for a while, and his 2nd grade teacher made a comment last year to tell me to make sure he takes AP math classes and that she thinks he should work in the space program, perhaps as an engineer. So I'd already looked into the fact that the high school that is our 'home' school has an aviation and aerospace magnate. I contacted them yesterday and asked them to send me a brochure.

So, if you don't already think I've gone over the top, you will now that I tell you that I've not only emailed the high school, I've also emailed NASA, and the US Coast Guard. I've discovered that Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University has a campus in Prescott AZ, and that UofA is one of the consortium schools NASA gives grants to. Scouting is strongly recommended, but I just don't think I can do boy scouts so I've discovered that the Civil Air Patrol (which is thru the air force) has a cadet program that focuses on and volunteer work and aerospace education opportunities, and Tyler can join that at 12. I've probably printed a ream of paper for him to start reading... not all at once of course, but bit by bit, so that he can have an idea of the work involved if he really wants to do this.

The way I figure it, there is NOTHING that he would do to try and get into the space program that would be a waste of his time or that wouldn't be of use to him whatever his career choice. My plan is to encourage him to do all the things he would need to do, because frankly, you really have to start preparing for a career in space in grade school, starting the with basics of science and math. If worse comes to worse, he just finds a job working for NASA but isn't in the space program, that's still fantastic and that will still make him very happy. In the meantime, I can hold onto the hope that he'll be busy enough preparing for this career that he'll stay out of a lot of the trouble that appeals to boys... especially ADHD boys.

Testosterone Poisoning...

Roro had testosterone poisoning last night. It involved a video game. 8 hours worth. It just made for a very long, angry night. He's been in a funk ever since he came back from England, which is a pretty normal 'cycle' for him... but it's not what I want to be dealing with right now.

Anyway, he started playing this game last night at about 5PM. I asked him probably half a dozen times to get Daija out of my way while I made dinner. And he has this appt with immigration tomorrow. We talked while he was in England about this letter I was going to help him with. Well, either he wasn't home or neither he nor I would think of it when he was. We were supposed to get it out of the way last night. So in about hour three of the video game, I go in and say, 'I have this list of 8 things that need to be done. If you want my help with this letter, tell me what you can take care of.' Without missing a keystroke, he says, 'Don’t worry about the letter' and continues to play the game. I get the kids in bed, and go into the room to get my shoes (I need dryer sheets) and he says to me, 'if you're going to the store, go now'. I lost my patience then and asked him if he minded if I didn't go barefoot. Then while I'm at Safeway, he calls me and asks me to get honey. I told him I wouldn't buy honey to save him from starving and hung up. And can you believe when I got home he was upset that I hung up on him? He never said anything about the honey I didn't buy. Oh, and btw, he didn't turn off that game until 1AM… and I know this because he was playing it right next to me in the bed. Well, he was lying in the bedroom watching cartoons with Daija when I got home... that's where he was at 5 when he started playing, that's where he STILL was at 10 when I crawled in bed. Couldn’t move and miss a keystroke. It actually didn't keep me awake; I just woke up when he started his usual 'I can't get comfortable' side-to-side toss. The fact that 5PM to 1AM is 8 hours pissed me off.

Tonight, he offered to buy pizza (which I took him up on when I discovered my hamburger was still frozen) and although he was glued to a basketball game, he did keep Daija out of the way... even changed her diaper without prompting. However, at about 7 he fell asleep, which he is still doing now.

Can You Hear a Shout in Space?

Tyler was reading this book last week called 'Can You Hear a Shout in Space' and there was this section that talked about the speed of sound... and Tyler got this intense look on his face, and said 'So if you were the FASTEST rapper on the planet...' and then the poor kid saw me biting my lip to keep a straight face and said 'never mind...' I really wish I knew what he had been about to say. A night or two later he was reading this part about astronauts and it was talking about who can become and astronaut. I walked into his room to check on him, and he told me that his new motto is' Less playing, more learning', and went back to that page and had me read it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he can probably work for NASA if he works hard enough, but his condition and meds will probably make being an astronaut unlikely.

I consider ADHD a neurological disorder, but a lot of people lump it with depression, bipolar, and other mood disorders... not sure what NASA does. And depending on how you read the requirements, ADHD could easily fall into a category that could be excluded... for example, while it doesn't spell out ADHD, the section on psychosis does say...

(i) The individual has manifested delusions, hallucinations, grossly bizarre or
disorganized behavior, or other commonly accepted symptoms of this condition; or
(ii) The individual may reasonably be expected to manifest delusions,
hallucinations, grossly bizarre or disorganized behavior, or other commonly
accepted symptoms of this condition.

and under the neurological portion, it says:

(b) No other seizure disorder, disturbance of consciousness, or neurological
condition that the Federal Air Surgeon, based on the case history and
appropriate, qualified medical judgment relating to the condition involved,
finds--
(1) Makes the person unable to safely perform the duties or exercise
the privileges of the airman certificate applied for or held; or
(2) May reasonably be expected, for the maximum duration of the airman medical
certificate applied for or held, to make the person unable to perform those
duties or exercise those privileges.

Someone who is unable to focus their attention or control their impulses can pose a safety risk to others, so even though this really sucks for my kid, I can see the logic behind it. I.E., research has shown that people with ADHD have more car accidents; There are quite a few parents on my 2E list who have teenagers who are a risk to themselves and other behind the wheel of a car, or who were able to get through school w/o meds but need them to drive safely. I'm just not sure if someone taking meds to control it are OK... or if the drugs taken are a problem as well. And I'm not sure how far back this stuff is looked at... but the impression I got is, it counts. I'm just having a hard time confirming anything that spells out what ADHD is considered in the framework of their requirements. I imagine I'm just going to have to email NASA to find out.

What a morning!!!

OK, so Ro was planning on keeping Daija at home this week. Last night he says to me, he wants to go to car dealership in the AM to see about trading in the Escalade, so can I take Daija to the sitter in the AM? I say sure. So this morning, I oversleep. Wake up about five minutes after I usually leave the house. Not too terrible, I can rush and get to work without being too terribly late. Until I remember, that I do not have the option of skipping breakfast, as I need to take my Strattera and since it made Tyler puke if he had it before eating I don't want to take any chances on that count. OK... that puts a minor kink in the works, but we're all still doing pretty good time wise. But at 7:30, the doorbell rings. Who would be ringing my bell at 7:30 you may wonder? The countertop people, who I scheduled to come this week assuming Ro would be at the house, but forgot to mention to him, and of course who never crossed my mind last night. So I had to hang out while they ripped out my sink and countertops to take totheir shop to refinish/laminate. Fantastic. Didn't leave the house till 7:55, which meant I had to go to the kids school, which is only five miles from work, first so they don't miss breakfast/aren't late to class and then backtrack two miles the other side of my house to drop off Daija... oh and pick up my lunch which I forgot. All the while stressing about these countertop people who will need to come back to the house to reinstall, and then of course a plumber has to come put my sink back in. ARGH. Fortunately, I got in touch with Ro and he was able to meet them at the house and wait for the plumber, which helped, but I was over an hour late for work.

Strattera: Day 3

So on day three of my initial dose (there are three doses to start with to get you to what the minimal optimal dosage should be; it's a gradual buildup and you are to take each one for 4-7 days. I think I'm going to be conservative and take each dose for the full seven days). I don't feel 'different' like I did yesterday and Monday, I think I am 'adjusting' to the dosage I'm taking this week, but that may also have been some caffeine withdrawal, since I had to cut back the caffeine to avoid it interfering with the effectivity of the Strattera. Not a lot that I said to Dr. Thomas seemed to shock him, until I divulged how much diet coke I drink. I think the last few days I've probably had no more than 1/3 of what I usually drink. Finding that lime flavored water is really saving my behind... drinking the bubbles kinda gets me over the craving. I also usually walk down to the cafeteria to get ice for it, which takes care of the times I would go get a drink or snack just to walk away from my desk for a few minutes.

And, I'm on my call as I type this and I have thus managed to respond to two inquiries without being prompted a coupla times :)

Psychiatrist Visit

I saw Dr. Thomas yesterday and talked to him about the problems I'm having as well as the behaviors that made me hit so high on OCD; basically, the behaviors that appear OCD aren't so much that I'm afraid something bad will happen if I don't do certain things, it's more behaviors I've adapted to compensate for the ADD (for example, I am constantly checking for my keys, I can't close my car door unless my keys are in my hand, I can't walk away from my desk unless my keys are in my hand, I go to wash dishes and notice that the garbage disposal switch is dirty, so then I need to clean all the light plates in the house because if I don't do it NOW it won't get done... then I notice the wall around the light plate is dirty, I wash that too... then I notice the door jams and the doors are dirty... now all my light plates, walls, doors are clean but I'm exhausted and there are still no clean dishes). I told him about how it seems like the more the kids need of me, the less able I am to handle the household and perform adequately at work... and that I'd like to take the next step in my department, but I am really concerned that I won't be able to do the job adequately because of the nature of the job. He feels that I'm definitely doing everything he would suggest to someone with my condition/in my situation. He gave me some Strattera samples to try, which I started yesterday. They take a while to build up, unlike stimulant meds, but I definitely feel different... I can't exactly describe how. But for the first time in I can't remember how long, I was able to keep up with my morning meeting and not have my named called twice every time one of my requirements came up in the report. I wasn't focused on the meeting completely; I was reading the paper online like I usually do, but I was still able to keep part of my mind focused enough on what was going on in the meeting to be prepared when they needed my updates on certain parts.

Quotable Quote

"Why should any of us be confined within a single area of religious culture? When I read Amos and Jeremiah, I say 'Would to God I were a Jew.' When I read the Parable of the Good Samaritan, I say 'Would I were a Galilean.' When I read the 13th of 1st Corinthians, I wish with all my heart that I might be a Christian after the manner of the Apostle Paul. When I think of Buddha and his Eightfold Path, I say, 'I, too, would be a Buddhist.' And when I remember the trial of Socrates, I say in awe but with exalted spirit, 'Oh that I might be so brave a humanist.' And thus at the end, there is nothing I can say but that, like Emerson and Channing, I want to live with the privilege of the illimitable mind."

-- A. Powell Davies

Kid-Speak: This is backwards & other news

My little princess was cracking me up the other day. She was trying to tell me something and apparentl forgot the word 'yesterday' Halle: Mommy, do you remember... that day. The other day. Not today. Then in frustration, with wild hand gestures to indicate a reverse in time, she says 'not THIS day... this is backwards' It was just so funny to see her searching for the right word.

And then Daija just threw me for a LOOP before dinner tonight. The table was mostly set, and I asked the kids to grab cups and napkins while I changed out of my work clothes. I'm just finishing and Halle comes in to tell me that Daija poured milk in her cup and spilled some. Visions of a gallon of milk on the already semi-sticky floor prance in my head. As I walk into the kitchen, I say, 'You guys can't leave the milk down here where she can get it', releived that there is only a fist sized puddle of milk on the table bench. Halle says, 'We didn't leave it there... she got it herself.' THAT'S RIGHT! Daija, my 2 years and three week old munchkin, got herself a cup, got out a GALLON JUG (3/4 empty) of milk, and poured herself a glass, 3/4 full, and only spilled that little bit. I turned to go grab a towel, and see this same little munchkin pulling the step stool out from under the sink, and as she steps on to it (looking, I assume, for the dishcloth), she comments to me, 'Mama, mess.' I got the dishcloth for her and she took it and wiped up every drop. Isn't she amazing?

And news on my little man... he got his report card home today (wonder where Halle's is?) and He his grades are all 1/2's (a/b's) in the sections he gets graded work, and almost all S's in the other areas (PE, Music, Library, citizenship, etc), with the exception of Art, where he got an E for excellent and 'works to complete tasks', where he got an I (a C equivalent). His teacher wrote a not that he had done very well this quarter and that she hoped her maternity leave wouldn't be too big of a change for him. My heart was truly warmed by that, as well as the follow up conversation she and I had after the incident last week.

Oh, and I finally found all the paperwork I needed for that packet for the AZ Child Study Center, so I can drop that off hopefully tomorrow and get on their schedule for last this spring or early summer.

So, the results are in...

Is it a bad sign when, at the end of your first session with a therapist, if he turns to you and says,

I'm going to recommend that you see a good psychiatrist.

With emphasis on the word good. Like a regular old, run of the mill, average skill psychiatrist just couldn't help me.

All smart comments aside... I'm showing moderate signs of depression, which probably isn't surprising. I show most of the DSM signs of ADD, which is what I think the problem is. But the thing that hit me clear out of the blue, is that on the behavoiral symptoms index I filled out, my ratings for obessive compulsive order are 16... anything 7 or under is considered normal. I commented to him, 'I'd expect my house to be a lot cleaner if I had OCD.'

So he thinks I need someone really sharp to make a differentiating diagnosis. I think I've been trying to hard to manage ADD that I probably appear really OCD.

Nana Update

Got a call from my mom... my nana is home. I still don't have any details about anything than I did before, which is frustrating, but I'm really happy she's home.

'Uh oh, Mama knock!'

Today I put about 15 boxes of varying sizes on the front porch for a charity pick up. The kids were playing outside while I was moving the boxes from the garage to the porch. Tyler and Halle went inside before I was done, and Daija stuck around with me. I was just rearranging the things in the garage and she was going in and out of the garage door. Just as I was closing the garage, I thought I heard a click. Sure enough, Daija had locked it. I could hear her trying to unlock it and tugging on the door, trying to get it to open. After a few seconds I realized I might be waiting for a while, so I knocked. Then I heard her cute little voice

"Uh oh, Mama knock!"

Unfortunately, the kids were in the back and Crystal had her headphones on. I knocked louder, and I heard the pitter patter of Daija's little feet running. She ran to Crystal, and tugged on her pants and pointed to the back door. Crystal asked her 'what?' and Daija tugged her again. That's when she finally heard the knocking. I hear Daija's litle feet running back to the door, and her breathless "Mama!"

Thank goodness Daija loves me... I might have been out there for a LONG time otherwise!

REAL FEET!!!

OK, of all the things I could be really stoked about, Mattel is making a Barbie™ with REAL FEET. As in, a size proportionate to a real person. With normal arches. And toes. You don’t believe me? Check out the Cali Girl™ Friends. It gets better. It may be my imagination or some wishful thinking, but Cali Girl’s hips seem a little wider than Barbie’s. And her chest… a tad smaller. Her thighs are still anorexic, but overall, the body shape is an improvement. And the very bestest, bestest part? They’re starting to make the dolls so that they look like there is actually some racial and ethnic diversity. Christie, the ‘Black Barbie’, actually has curly textured hair. Summer, who could be a number of ethnicities with her caramel tan, also has curly (not wavy) hair. I think I just rediscovered my childhood passion!

The kids had gift certificates for Target and Wal-Mart and I think I have the three happiest kids on earth tonight. Tyler and Halle especially loved picking our their own stuff!!! Mattel made a killing off Halle. She started off with the Christie Cali Girl and a My Little Pony toy set. She and I were so enchanted with Christie’s curly hair and painted toenails that when we went to Wal-Mart, she passed right by the dreaded Bratz section. First time in over a year she hasn’t begged me for a doll. She picked out the Barbie Cali Girl® (who unfortunately does have the feet that look like they were bound and then stuffed into nine inch high heels and left there for the last five decades) and the 4x4 Beach Car®. We also got the Riding Club Summer® and Lea® dolls. She’s been playing with them all night. Daija loved Halle’s My Little Pony so much that I got her a Cabbage Patch Pony. She also got two sets of ‘fake food’ and a set of dishes. She’s fed her dolls everything from grapes to hot dogs to cookies. She also got a Bear in the Big Blue House DVD that has several shows on using the toilet… I put that on continuous play as soon as we got home. Tyler picked out a set of Spy Vision Goggles, and of course with his larger gift cert, he headed straight for electronics. Picked up some batteries for the goggles, a set of ear buds, and Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams®, which seems like a pretty cool game. I tried to access a really detailed description since the one on the box was pretty sketchy and I like to know what exactly he’s doing… but I got blocked by my own firewall!!!

Nana Update

Finally, I have an update! My grandmother has emphysema, which we knew. She started breathing better as soon as they got her on oxygen; my mom said something about keeping an oxygen tank with her. I don't know if that was actually a suggestion from her doctor or my mother just thinking it sounds like a good idea. Her blood pressure is a little high, as is her cholesterol. There is also fat in her liver. She likes to go out every morning for coffee and breakfast at 'home style' restaurants... Denny's, Coco's, or any similar greasy spoon Mom & Pop joint. She frequently eats lunch at the same kind of place. I've been griping at her about it for years. So that's finally catching up with her. Now, the dark spot on the CT scan - it's not on her lung, as they thought, it's an aneurism on her right aorta. She also has an irregular heartbeat. I'm not sure if this is new, or if she just didn't tell anyone. They have her on a new med for the irregular beat and back on a blood thinner again. She'll need to see her primary doc every three-six months to have that aneurism monitored.

No details on why they want to ultrasound her stomach, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that she had a major intestinal blockage not long ago (she was hospitalized for that too). She's stubborn as anything so I don't imagine she's done much to improve her diet since that little escapade.

Oooh, DRAMA.

There was a little drama in Tyler's class today. Apparently one of the children, J., told Ms. Librarian to shut up. I was floored to hear that. But that's just where the drama started. Apparently two of the girls, afterwards, were making a list of the 'bad kids' for Ms. Teacher (they had a sub), and included J's name. J. went to erase his name and T., who Tyler lists as a 'best friend' said something to him, and apparently J. pushed her. Mr. Substitute witnessed this, and apparently J. ran out of the classroom but came right back. When J. came back, Tyler, who tends to be overprotective when it comes to girls, he told J. that he was going to tell on him. J. flipped him off and called him a f***er. Tyler then proceeded to write a note to Mrs. Teacher.

Dear Ms. Teacher,
J. pushed T.! He ran out of the classroom! He said fuk to me! He told Ms. Librarian to shut up to! If you give him refurl, I would be so thankful!

Your student,

Tyler

I am just more floored by the minute. I'm trying to peice this all together and Ms. Librarian heard what J. said. Mr. Substitute saw what J. did. While what J. did both in the library and the classroom was very wrong, Tyler inflamed the situation and diverted some wrath to himself. Tyler tends to be sensitive, but apparently no one came to his defense when J. made the rude comment; they just all made the 'ooooh' sound, but not 'oooh', like J. did something bad, 'oooh ' like 'he told you'. I tried to explain to Tyler that while J. was definitely in the wrong, and it was good of Tyler to want to stand up for T., there is a difference between telling and tattling. The grown ups in charge already were handling the situation, and to threaten to tell on J. when he was already upset, was not necessary. It would be appropriate for him to have told the adult in charge if no one saw J. push T., but that since the adults already had J.'s actions under control, Tyler has no reason to get involved, as the staff will surely let Mrs. Teacher know what happened. We discussed how J. is normally a pretty nice kid who(as far as Tyler knows) has never been in trouble, never picked on anybody, never called anybody a name. We talked about how everyone has bad days and some examples of mistakes he's made when he was upset or angry. I asked him, how he would feel if he was having a really terrible day and made a BIG mistake that he was probably going to get into a lot of trouble for. Then I asked him how he would feel, in that situation, if someone he thought of as a friend, or at least had never had any problems with, was going to rat him out on top of that, even though he was already in a lot of trouble. I explained that threatening to tell on him at that point was totally unnecessary and very unkind. It's obvious he didn't understand that his actions weren't going to help the situation in any way shape or form; he seemed to think he was doing all the adults around him a favor by breaking it down for them. We talked about giving Mrs. Teacher the note as written. I told him he did not need to tell Mrs. Teacher about the library incident or the shoving. Neither happened to him, and the adults in charge already handled it. He still wanted to tell her about what J. said to him since Mr. Substitute hadn't heard that, and I asked him if he also planned to tell Mrs. Teacher about what he had done, that led to J. making the rude gesture and calling him a bad name. Tyler had been so full of righteous indignation, and he just cried. He told me that he feels like what everybody says he is (stupid, which is a whole 'notha story) and that he wishes he wasn't born. It broke my heart; I hate to see him hurting and I know he is probably feeling as out of step socially as I did (and still do half the time). I don't know if there was a better way I could have explained this to him. I asked him, if you write another note to Mrs. Teacher, do you think that it will make things better between you and J.? And he said no. I asked him if he wrote this letter to Mrs. Teacher, what did he want her to do with it? And he said 'nothing, really.' I asked him, 'Do you think J. should be in any more trouble than he already is?' and Tyler said no. I asked, 'Do you want J. to be punished for it?' and Tyler said 'Not really.' I told him that I thought the best thing for him, and for his friendship with J., would be to say, 'I'm sorry I said I was going to tell on you, and it really upset me when you called me a bad name.' Tyler said J. wouldn't listen. Apparently at some point J. apologized to T. for pushing her, but Tyler informed him that HE would not accept J.'s apology. I asked T. if maybe he just wanted to let it go and forgive it, even if J. didn't want to talk it out, since we know that J. is normally a pretty good kid who he has never had a problem with, and he said that's what he wanted to do.

I'm hoping he's feeling better about this now but I am still very worried.

Mojo, please.

Y'all know I don't ask for the good stuff real often, but if you can send something up to my Nana it would mean the world to me. My mom called this morning to tell me Steve (her husband) took my nana to the ER around 3AM this morning because either she couldn't breathe, or was having trouble breathing. There was a dark spot on her lung in one of the X-rays and they're sending her for a CT scan. I don't have a whole lot of details other than that; my mom is actually on the road right now so I'm getting third hand info from her.

I know it could be a lot of things... scar tissue from TB if she ever had that or maybe something left over from when she had pneumonia... but she's smoked for thirty or forty years now and is in her late 70's, so even if it wasn't something so terrible as lung cancer, at her age, anything can get serious real quickly. So whatever it is you do (hands and knees prayer, healing meditations, get nekkid and dance around a candle, you know, whatever)... think of her while you're doing it. I'd probably be a high school drop out living in a trailer park in kansas with seven kids on welfare right now if it wasn't for my nana.

Tyler's Dr. Appt

Today we met with Dr. Shoptaugh and discussed Tyler's sudden drop in appetite and what is probably rather minor bouts with being unable to fall asleep, as well as my big concern: He is beginning to express obessive or paranoid thoughts that no one likes him, that everyone picks on him, etc. He and I have talked it through, and I've also spoken with his teacher and the staff at his after school program, in addition to doing a little observation on my own. Tyler is far from ostracized, and no one else has noticed any kind of major conflict. When I talk through a situation, it often boils down to the fact that he had a relatively minor conflict with ONE individual, but to hear him tell it, his whole class ganged up on him. He also suddenly became fixated on a scary story he'd heard at his after school program in October, and came to me several nights because he was afraid to be in his room. He has never in his life been afraid of the dark, and although we reasoned out several times that 'RedRum' was just a spooky story, this lasted close to a week. Since Tyler is at a higher risk for depression and other mood disorders, I took that pretty seriously, especially when his dad reported no insomnia, fears, or problems with appetite over Tyler's (unmedicated) winter break.

Some good news first: Since July, Tyler has gained 1.5 pounds, which is a good gain in that time frame. Not huge, but substantial and he wasn't at a flatline or losing as I'd feared. Dr. Shoptaugh thinks that the eating/sleeping problems are definitely related to the Adderrall and scaled his Rx back from 20mg to 15mg. I talked to her about the (very preliminary) research I'd done on dopamine/norepinepherine balance/imbalance and coupling stimulent meds with a non stimulant, like Strattera. She was familiar with the practice, but said it was very, very new practice that still had kinks to be worked out (like everything else LOL). She said that out of 30 patients, she hasn't had one stay on strattera. She's also not sure that his obsessive thoughts/fears are definitely related to medication. She wants us to take Tyler to a behavioralist. She does want to work with us as far as balancing out these chemicals, she's just not sure strattera is going to be the solution, and that she wants to work in conjunction with someone who specializes in this area. I was once again so impressed with her as a medical professional; I wasn't sure she would be comfortable with the med combo since I know she's not a strattera advocate. I was really prepared to have my inquiry squashed and find myself back to trolling the listings for a psychiatrist. So even though she wasn't comfortable making that Rx, I definitely didn't feel like I was on my own.

Unfortunately, there are only two "behavioralists" ; Dr. Melmed of the Melmed Center (which I've heard of, they offer classes for parents, teachers, and kids in addition to counseling), or Dr. Kessler of the Arizona Child Study Center. Thankfully, Dr. Kessler is an in-network providor for my insurance. I've done a little reading and he's got a REALLY impressive bio, with special interests both in ADHD and nutrition. Now, I'm not sure if we'll actually see him, or someone in his practice... but I am so much more comfortable getting this referral than taking whatever random person my EAP would provide. I called this afternoon and it'll be a four-five month wait; Dr. Shoptaugh had said to expect three. So the school year may be close to over before he's seen by them. I have to fill out a packet about an inch thick before they'll even schedule the appointment, but I went and pickthed it up this afternoon and I'm already about half done.

Since I knew it would be a while trying to make do in the meantime, I gave his teacher a heads up and also spoke with the principal at his school. When we had the 504 meeting last year, the only accomodations we had written in were for testing, because he was doing so well. I noted a concern at the time if we ever reached a point Tyler can't take meds, we would have to revisit. His principal thanked me for letting her know what was going on and said she'd touch base with the school social worker about classroom accomodations. So I may be having another 504 meeting before too much longer. His teacher is a nice lady, but I don't really have a rapport of any kind with her and while I believe she's passionate about gifted education, I don't really get the impression she's incredibly in tune with Tyler. I don't think she'd be nearly as proactive in addressing his special needs as his 2nd grade teacher was, especially since she'll be going on maternity leave soon. Which is another worry; there are going to be a lot of changes in the classroom... she'll go on maternity leave sometime in February and then return just a few weeks before school lets out. I wonder how Tyler will handle those transitions, how a sub will handle Tyler, etc. I guess only time will tell.

I also made an appointment for myself with a therapist for next Tuesday.

Bug Spirits...

So tonight when Halle goes to change in her room, she discovers a 'black thing' on her wall. I check it out... it's a MOTH. I tell her not to worry about it... they're like butterflies (a bug Halle likes), just not pretty, and not too smart either. She's starting to panic, so I here I go, to get the Raid. Of course I spray the thing and he's flying around the room and Halle's practically hyperventilating. I had to send her to another room to change until he stopped flying around. Halle went to check things out, and came back to me and told me that his head was twitching, and imitated his poor little chemically induced seizures. Trying to instill some empathy, I say to her... He's close to dying and he really doesn't feel good. You should send up a prayer for his spirit.

Halle replies, firmly.... 'Uh uh. He's a bug.'

Wanna hear something ironic? We observed the last night of Chalica this evening, and we lit our chalice in 'Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.'

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2005, everybody! I hope your new year is starting off well... ours is. After a laid back New Year's at home with the girls, we rang in 2005 with a party on New Year's Day. The girls had a great time with their old KidVentures playmates and I got a chance to catch up with friends, some of whom I hadn't seen since Halle's fourth birthday party! A good time was had by all. Then my little man made it home this morning, along with his dad, Joel. It's nice to have 'little talking Tyler', as Ro calls him, home again. Joel will be here for a day or two as the flights are atrocious this weekend.

Tonight we're having my mother, stepdad, and grandmother over for dinner and to exchange gifts. I am really looking forward to that... not just the joy of giving, but the joy of getting the rest of the stuff out from under the tree so that I can take down the holiday decorations!

Tomorrow is my day off in observance of the New Year, and Tyler has an early doctor's appointment. His appetite has really dropped off and I think we need to do a med change. I'm hoping to cut back or cut out the stimulants and try Strattera again, now that I have a better idea on how others handle the sleepy side effects. It will be nice for Joel to go to this appointment as well; it gets wearing to make these decisions alone. And he'll get to go to Tyler's school as well; I think if Joel is agreeable we'll have lunch there. Tyler doesn't really complain, but I know it must be hard to see other kids' dad's at school functions.

I'm also going to make an appointment tomorrow to see someone myself; I was doing some research last week and came across on article about a study that indicated ADHD children who have parents with untreated issues (ad/hd, depression, etc) do not respond as well to treatment. I've suspected for some time that I'm ADD, and at my physical last month my primary doc suggested I also be screened for depression. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm going to look into it anyway.

Well, Daija has the water bottle I use on her and Halle's hair and has figured out how to squirt it, so I guess that means my blogging time is over. I'll post updates on Tyler's appointment and whatever progress I make for mine, sometime in the next week.

Chalica

I'm not doing this the first week of December... too many work obligations, plus my birthday, Daija's birthday... I feel like the last week of December, right before the new year, is more personally significant. We're not doing any activities, just lighting a chalice for each principal and talking about them, but I'm collecting resources (stories, activities) to implement for the celebration next year. Anyway, here is the scoop for those of you who expressed an interest in more details.

While teaching our session on Religious Holidays / Holydays in our CRE program I realized that Unitarians did not have a holiday / holyday of our own. I believe we all need to be reminded of our beliefs and this is also a great opportunity to share our beliefs with others. This is a first draft. Please email me with any ideas to improve Chalica, as well as pass the idea along to fellow Unitarians.

Chalica - Celebration of the Flame (Unitarian Winter Holiday/Holydays)

Chalica is seven days long and runs from the first Monday in December through to Sunday. Each day represents a different Unitarian Principle, a chalice is lit each day and gift(s) are given and received. Gifts can be made, bought, verbal, written, acts, shared/personal celebrations. One can have seven different chalices or one common chalice. The days are as follows:

Monday: We light our chalice for the inherent worth and dignity of every person. -- Give gift(s) to honour those you do not understand / agree with / like. Examples: - a thank-you card celebrating differences - words of forgiveness / apology - a peace offering such as inviting someone to dinner - help someone in need

Tuesday: We light our chalice for justice, equity and compassion in human relations. - Give gift(s) to honour those in your local community that are less fortunate. Examples: - spend time in a soup kitchen - donate clothes to a worthy organization - display kindness and care to those around you - take part in a political demonstration at city hall

Wednesday: We light our chalice foracceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations. - Give gift(s) to honour fellow Unitarians and their spiritual journey. Examples: - a chalice / book / hymnal - extend words of peace or forgiveness to a fellow Unitarian with whom you may have hurt / not understood in the past - offer / take part in an event at your church / with your congregation - church potluck

Thursday: We light our chalice for a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. - Give gift(s) to honour another tradition, to honour education Examples: - offer / take part in an event that celebrates another religion / tradition - teach someone something you know and love - learn something new from someone else - give a book / read a book

Friday: We light our chalice for the right of conscious and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large. - Give gift(s) to honour democracy Examples: - help a political party - write your government - help a committee at church - host a dinner / party to celebrate democracy

Saturday: We light our chalice for the goal of world peace, liberty and justice for all. - Give gift(s) to honour our global community Examples: - volunteer with an organization that has global influence - write a letter for amnesty international - help your social justice committee hold a fundraiser - donate to a cause such as UNICEF, Doctors without Borders, etc.

Sunday: We light our chalice for respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. - Give gift(s) to our earth and/or its creatures Examples: - start a compost - recycle bottles and cans and donate the money to an environmental /animal aid society - rescue an animal from a shelter - hold an outdoor worship service (dress warm/bonfire)

Happy Chalica! --- End forwarded message ---

Holiday Happenings in AZ

Well, starting a few days back... I got a package in the mail from Tyler's paternal grandparents. The box had some new clothes for Tyler, including three hooded sweatshirts! I guess Grandmommy heard through the grapevine that Tyler has lost a hooded sweatshirt, a hooded denim jacket, and a winter jacket since the beginning of November. I told him, when I gave him the last jacket, if he lost it he'd have to suffer until the weather warmed up. And sure enough, when his dad came to pick him up, I told him... 'Tyler doesn't have a jacket. I hope it's not too cold in VA.' The clothes are all too big, so I put them away, and wrapped the sweatshirts. He'll be thrilled to see them :) Also included was a check for $200, with instructions for me to buy a gift for Tyler from them, and something for the girls as well so they would remember Lean & Rev, and know that they had been remembered. I pondered for a while on this... and decided to get them soemthing I've been wanting them to have for quite some time but have never felt justified in spending the money, and something the kids would have forever. I got each of them a chalice necklace. For those of you who don't know, the UU religious symbol is a Flaming Chalice. While Tyler's grandad is a Reverend for the African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church, I still felt this would be a fitting gift on their behalf... so I ordered Tyler a Contemporary Chalice (he always complains about chains so I'm hoping the leather works better) and Halle and Daija each a Rachel Chalice. I'm hopign they arrive by New Year's Eve, which is when we are doing our family celebration, after Tyler comes home.

Christmas Eve: we were told Thursday to go to lunch and don't come back... I was outta here by noon. Stopped and picked up tickets for Zoolights, similar to Ei's light display but at the zoo and featuring mostly animals and classical and holiday music. Drove down to Ahwatukee becasue I found out Wednesday that one of Daija's gifts ran out of stock before they shipped ours... d@mn amazon.com! I found something comparable, but not quite as cool at Toys R Us. I guess I could have waited till this week since we're spreading out our gifts, but that was the only chance I'd have to shop ALONE. I stopped at Target to get batteries for Tyler's stocking, and film. And earrings for Halle's stocking. And candy for the stockings. But then I bought sunglasses for each of them. And a movie to be a New Year's Eve gift. And a footed bowl candle holder... I was actually looking for a chalice for our table but 'real' ones are quite expensive. This one is glass (easier to clean), is the perfect size, and was only $9.99. Unfortunately, I still spent about $100. I'm hopeless... I should never have gone in there.

When we were grocery shopping on Friday early afternoon, we saw these porceilain dolls that were 50% off from $24.99... Halle was practically hyperventilating. They not only had a black doll, they had two wearing different dresses. I love porceilain dolls and the girls have a few... but they're hard to come by. I couldn't get back before the store closed at 6PM, and of course I had totally hinted that maybe santa would bring them each a doll. I was not feeling motivated at all; we usually watch a sunset to observe the solstice or attend UU services, but about 4:30 I decided we weren't going to do anything. I read, and tidied around the house, and eventually we went to McDonald's drive thru because I'd forgotten about cookies and all the stores were closed by then. We went home the girls took baths, and we watched Christmas cartoons on cable until they passed out. I put together the scooters and filled the stockings. I tried to carry Halle to bed but she was crying hysterically to see Santa, so I let her sleep in the living room. She came back into my room at some point, going right past the scooters without seeing them. When we woke up around 7AM, she asked me if it had snowed LOL. Then we went to check for Santa's visit. The girls both loved the scooters and their stockings... I put Halle's earrings in a jewel box and it was so cute to see her slowly open it and squeal. I hoped she would forget about the dolls but a few hours later she commented that Santa hadn't brought her doll. :( I made up an errand and went and got them as the store was open for a few hours Christmas Day. Daija was down for a nap, and Halle fell asleep watching a movie while I was gone... so I snuck the dolls under their stockings and didn't say boo about them. Halle spotted them after she woke up, but it took a while (Crystal and I were both dying). She figures Santa forgot them the first time around. ;) Ei, it must be an 8/31 thing too because that night at dinner Halle was talking about believing in Santa and Santa believing in you.

Then Saturday night we started our new tradition... honestly I feel a little fake doing Kwanzaa. I wouldn't if Ro or Joel celebrated the holiday, but (culturally speaking) Joel is darn near as white as I am and Ro has absolutely no interest in celebrating it. I've just always questioned my ability to 'officiate' that ceremony authentically, without denigrating it. So when Ei forwarded me an email about something called 'Chalica', I was enthralled. UU has seven principles, and someone somewhere suggested taking a week in December to really focus on our seven principles and what they mean. Like the world really needs another candle lighting holiday/light festival in December (Hanukah, kwanzaa, solstice, christmas, new year), but it's wearing sometimes trying to adapt the traditions of other cultures or faiths to be meaningful to us in ours. So Christmas night, we light a candle in our chalice for the first time for our first principle, and talked about what that principal meant, and what it meant to us and how we 'live' it. I'd bought seven gifts for Kwanzaa anyway, so we were all prepared. The girls each opened one gift the first night, and a second gift last night. The first night was great... I'm letting them choose their own gift from under the tree each night. The first night, Halle chose the package with he 4-ever Best Friends, so I gave Daija her beauty set. Halle was over the moon with her gift, and Daija loved hers too. They played with them all night and most of yesterday. There was minimal mess to clean up, and no overwhelmed, worked up kids with too much stimulation. Then when it was time to choose a gift yesterday afternoon, I was so glad I decided to scale back this year. Halle has such a case of the gimmies. She chose her gift and one for Daija... it turned out to be the book of tangrams for her and a puzzle for Daija. Well, Daija loved the Care Bear Puzzle, but Halle burst into tears. Despite the fact that she loves the tangram set that the school psychologist loaned me last year for Tyler, this gift just wasn't good enough. I explained to Halle that I chose that gift because we really need to give the school back their tangrams, and I know how much she loves them. I told her that I bought her that gift because I thought she would really enjoy it, and that it was very kind of me to do so, and her rudeness was hurting my feelings. I told her that when someone does something kind for you and gives you a gift, you have to use manners even if you don't care for the gift. I insisted that she say thank you, and then I told her I would put the book away and while she thought things over. If she changed her mind about it, I would get it for her, but if she decided she did not want the gift, we could donate it to someone who maybe had never been lucky enough to play with tangrams. Either way I am fine with what she chooses - she will either learn to appreciate a kind gesture, or she will learn to give to those less fortunate. After we ate dinner and lit our chalice for the second principle, we took the zoolights passes 'Santa' left in their stockings and went to zoolights. We really had a wonderful time. The moon was full and it was a little overcast, so kinda hazy. I took a couple pictures of it that I pray turn out. On the way home, Halle told me, that she was thinking about 'the game'. I asked her if she'd decided she wanted to use it, and she said, "I'm still thinking"... and that warmed my heart to know she is really giving the situation thoughtful consideration. I hope she learns what I'm trying to teach with this... that it's the thought behind the gift, and not the glitter that makes it special.