Look what the cat dragged in, Part 1

I have recovered from my post election November blah's and December is winding down... so if nobody minds I think I'll be back to pester you guys. I went to my last Christmas party last week. Daija's birthday was yesterday... all the shopping is done for Solstice and Kwanzaa except stocking stuffers and a gift cert for my sis. Although, just to make things fun, I'm planning our
First Annual New Year Open House on Jan 1. I sent out our holiday cards, so I hope you guys receive them before the holidays.

So, how quickly can I recap? Earlier this year I began to feel like my congregation (UUCP) just didn't meet the needs of my family, or families in general for that matter. Last March, I had been thinking about checking into another UU that is about the same distance from where I live now as the one I had been attending, but then I met Mike. He was just joining the church (VUU) and finding his space there so I decided not to do anything. I hadn't been to church since May but since our ministers take summers off I didn't really feel the impact until services would have resumed. I was missing the UU community, but knew I didn't want to go back to UUCP. I was
kinda stewing over the fact that I was stuck with no church because no way could I go to the other one and risk seeing Mike. I had a bells and whistles moment and realized I needed to be there for a particular service and told him I was going to invade his church space (this was mid-Nov). Turns out he wasn't attending all that regularly anyway because of his schedule, but he acted like the possibility of me attending there was the best idea he'd ever heard. That conversation led to a realization that although he had respected my wishes that he not call me, I was getting a lot of mixed messages from him. He was emailing me more often than warranted
(usually once a week) and seemed to want more of my friendship than I was prepared to give so soon after a painful breakup. We had been broken up for well over two months and it still felt like it had just happened. I was fine if I was busy, but once it was time to lay down, or if I was alone in my car with my thoughts, I would cry more often than not. So in the midst of this mental crisis I was having I realized that I was avoiding dealing with this grief, and that he might be doing some avoidance of his own in regards to his expectations being very idealistic. I felt and I needed to acknowledge it and face him. I called him and asked if we could talk, either directly over the phone or in person, because we were both avoiding dealing with some things and neither of us doing all that well with the break up. That was a Thursday, and to my surprise he suggested we get together Saturday. Then Friday he cancelled and asked if we could reschedule for a week or two later due to finals for his classes. He has continued to email me but has made no mention of us talking and determining, realistically, what kind of relationship we could honestly have with each other. He seeks me out, but unless we are talking about ME, MY work, MY kids, MY family, the conversation just dies. Last Friday I told him that I didn't see why he continued to contact me; he isn't open or communicative with me and because of that I don't feel comfortable being open with him, and that it's just not much of a friendship. He emailed me back and said
that he understood and I am right. I'm not sure exactly what that means. I know I'm right... I'm always right. Almost, anyways. But regardless, I felt better about the situation with him from the point I hung up the phone from asking him if we could talk and I haven't cried since. I realized that although I do/did care very deeply for him, it was the comfort of the relationship I was grieving as much, if not more, as losing his presence in my life. I was disappointed, but not crushed the next day when he asked to reschedule. While I'm not thrilled that he never followed up with it, the fact that we still haven't talked really doesn't bother me that much. I guess I feel like I'm finally 'over it'... and for he and I to talk now would just involve me going back to a place I don't want to revisit. I think Mike is still a phenomenal person and care a great deal about him, but his inability to open up to others or to deal with emotional issues will not make it possible for us to be friends. At best, we can be two people who parted on friendly terms. Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to tell him this as kindly as possible. He's out of town until 12/28, so I have a little time...

My little man is off for the holidays...

Tyler wrote a note this morning:

Dear Family,

I'll miss you while I'm gone.

Full House...

Ro is planning on going to England next week, and called Monday afternoon and said he'd keep Daija for the rest of the week. Which is nice for Daija, and good timing - I just spent the equivalent of my van payment on this radiator issue I was having. It shaves a little time off my commute too. So he's staying at my house this week. Joel called at 7:30 to let me know he's on his way to Raleigh. He usually tries to take the red eye right back out, but there isn't a red eye on Wednesday nights. If he gets on this flight, he'll stay the night at my place and fly back out in the morning. Which should make for an interesting evening at the Whitmore house... two baby daddy's under the same roof.

VUU

I have been to VUU three times now, twice with the kids, who seem to be enjoying it. I like it as well. I haven't seen Mike there, although he did ask me how it was going and if I was still considering attending. I told him considering was a good word, I hadn't made a firm decision yet. I won't be going this weekend because this party goes quite late. I think I'm going to continue to attend when I can through the holidays and continue to see how it fits. They do have a Thanksgiving potluck on thanksgiving, which really appeals to me if we do stay there. I love big group dinners at thanksgiving. And they have a special children's service on Christmas Eve, whereas at UUCP, it's more of an adult service with a little 'children's moment' thrown in.

Hyperactivity disorder tied to brain irregularities

Monday, November 29, 2004 Posted: 12:38 PM EST (1738 GMT)
CHICAGO, Illinois (Reuters) –
Brain scans of children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder show abnormalities in the fiber pathways along which brain signals pass, scientists said Monday. The finding indicates the disorder may be more than just a chemical imbalance, they added. Using an imaging technique called diffusion tensor imaging, researchers found subtle anatomical differences in children diagnosed with ADHD that may affect communication between key areas of the brain -- the frontal cortex, basal ganglia, brain stem and cerebellum. "These areas are involved in the process that regulate attention, impulsive behavior, motor activity and inhibition -- the key symptoms in ADHD children," said lead researcher Manzar Ashtari, an associate professor of radiology and psychiatry at North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System in New Hyde Park, New York. In another study, Ashtari found the brain irregularities diminished in children who had been medicated with stimulant drugs for an average of 2 1/2 years. "The findings ... indicate that the therapeutic effect of stimulants may involve a brain normalization process," said co-researcher Sanjiv Kumra, a psychiatrist at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks, New York. "Typically, ADHD is described as a chemical imbalance, but our research has shown that there may also be subtle anatomical differences in areas of the brain that are important in this disorder," Kumra said. Between 3 percent and 5 percent of American children are diagnosed with ADHD. Millions take stimulants to counteract the behavior, which can be disruptive both at home and in school and can lead to problems later in life. The research was presented at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.

VENT: Phoenix Zoo Field Trip/Assignment

So Halle brought home this social studies project she has to complete to go on referenced field trip. I looked at the cover sheet and first page last week, and it looked simple enough... asked her to draw a picture. We've been swamped at home and I never got back to it, until last night. It's due Wednesday, and we should have worked on it over the weekend but it slipped my mind. Anyway, I go through it last night and was pretty irate. The cover sheet indicates she would need minimal assistance... but she's supposed to list things she wants to see at the zoo, what books she's read about the zoo, if she hasn't what books she'd like to read, what animals are found at the zoo, what are only on farms, explain what a reptile is and why the two new rhinos came to the zoo, and write two sentences about why she thinks they have their names. There are no resources included in this assignment (as in, details about the rhinos, lists of books, a worksheet with pictures of animals where she is supposed to circle the ones found in the zoo). It is an essay style assignment and this has to be done all in her own handwriting. Tyler would need 'minimal' assistance with this assignment; Halle will need 'considerable' assistance.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Whitmore, Cynthia
> Subject: Phoenix Zoo Field Trip/Assignment

> Halle will not be turning in her zoo field trip assignment on Wednesday.
> My support person is on her second week of vacation and I have had to
> bring work home several nights, in addition to preparing for our holiday
> celebration, and simply do not have time right now for homework that
> requires much more than what I would consider minimal assistance. Please
> accept my apologies as I can't find a better way to express this, but I do
> not consider this a homework assignment for Halle. Basically, it's a
> homework assignment for me. While she is more than capable of drawing the
> three pictures independently, there is little else on the assignment that
> either won't be spelling out for her, or writing for her so she can copy
> it. This assignment is on par with the work that Tyler brings home, and I
> find it a bit much for a five year old who spells and reads only sight
> words, and does not yet write sentences or surf the internet, to be
> expected to manage without considerable help. I will be able to review
> this assignment with her over the holiday weekend, however, I may not have
> the time to stand over her shoulder and dictate animals, book titles,
> sentences, and theories about animal names to her, and much of the
> assignment may be done orally. I understand that probably will not count
> toward her grade, and am willing to accept that. I also understand that
> you may exclude her from the field trip for not completing the assignment.
> I have explained to her that I will take her at another time, since it is
> really my failure to have adequate time to do this assignment, not hers.
> Also, I find some of the questions confusing and am hoping you can
> elaborate. There are, to my knowledge, no animals at the Phoenix Zoo that
> are only found at the zoo. While many are endangered, they can all be
> found in the wild, and Halle is aware of this. There are also a number of
> farm animals at the zoo, and since we have a membership to the zoo, Halle
> is also aware of that... so should we answer that question differentiating
> between the main zoo and Harmony Farm, or answer that question with names
> of farm animals that are not specific to this zoo? Also, in the question
> about what books Halle has read, I am unsure if the question is about the
> Phoenix Zoo specifically since Zoo is capitalized in the sentence which
> indicates a proper name, or what books has she read about a (generic) zoo.
> Regardless, this is going to require more research on my part... to hunt
> down several book titles/authors and descriptions for her to choose from,
> or to try and find the title of the book she has read. I haven't been
> able to find the one I thought we had; I believe it was donated.
> Thanks in advance for helping clear up my confusion.

Our Weekend

We made it to Raleigh and had a really good visit. It's very pretty there... and the weather was nice. About 10 degrees cooler, but still nice enough for the kids to go outside and play. Steph's husband, Keith, kept commenting how small it is. I know it's a capital and everything, but it seemed really rural to me too. I guess because there were so many trees it was hard to see much else ;) Most of the office buildings I saw were in two story, house like buildings. We went out for tempenyaki (sp?) Saturday, which the kids all loved. Daija kept sharing her (bitten into) food with the couple sitting on the other side of her. The lady was a champ - took it totally in stride and held out her hand for every morsel Daija offered her. I was quite relieved however, that she didn't actually eat any of it.

Queenie Mama for President

Tyler and I were just talking, and he said that if he could vote, he would vote for whoever was losing (my baby is so sensitive). I said that no matter what, he should always vote for the person who will do the best job for the country. Halle swung around in surprise, and said 'mommy, you're the best one for the job', like Tyler and I were stupid for not having figure that out. Who wants to be my running mate? Sorry, Gabe, but Abe Lincoln, watch out. Halle just nominated her momma.

Election Day

I went, got there around 7:30/7:40 and there was a small line but I didn't wait very long before a booth opened up. I spent a good amount of time reading up on local propositions, and I was really proud that I felt like I made informed votes on all of those. My boss was in line for a really long time though, but she lives in a white, upper middle class/upper class area... average age 40, average household income probably 3/4x mine. I was busy busy busy yesterday edumacating myself on all my local propositions. There were a couple that were really hot items 'round here... a lot of finger pointing and drama about what the end results of these props would really be and two that had one side accusing the opposite side of misleading the public. And of course the other ones no one knew anything about cuz all anyone talked about were props 200 & 400. So I did a little bit of researchin', and when I stopped on my way to work to get my little 'I VOTED TODAY' sticker.

Halloween

I wish 'Halloween' would be moved and simply celebrated the last Saturday of October. I'm sure my children are just gems in school today after last night. We went to Enchanted Island Amusement Park like we usually do. We did that for a little over an hour then headed home in hopes of t/t'ing for a little while. I think next year we need to t/t first, then go to Encanto. The party is from 5PM until 9PM, and I noticed that after 6PM, the loooong line for ride bracelets disappeared. By the time we got home around 7:30PM, about half the porch lights were out, so we only went to about six houses before the 'unofficial' end of t/t'ing at 8PM. The kids had a great time; we talked in advance about leaving the park and Tyler did AWESOME; when I said it was time to go, he said 'OK'. Halle pouted for about a second. Daija had mixed feelings about the event. She looked very serious during all the rides she went on, but pitched a fit every time I took her off a ride. She just didn't get that she was going to get on a different one in minute. I was laughing at myself, shoving her into her stroller as she kicked and screamed, then digging frantically for a piece of candy to placate her until the next ride. What a model of parenting skill. But she just LOVED t/t'ing. She was sooo cute; she was not shy at all about walking up to doors and holding out her candy bag. Of course Tyler and Halle would get to the door first, and then after she got her candy she would race after them as fast as her tiny little legs would carry her. Her costume was hooded, and bulky, so her balance was a little off and she didn't have much peripheral vision. She would be running along and at the corner where the sidewalks would meet the driveway, every single time she stepped off the pavement into the grass with one foot, and went tumbling. She never made a whimper though... tolerated me picking her up, then shoved me off so she could retrieve her bag, and she was running again, just as fast as her little legs would go. I tried to teach the kids how to sing 'Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat'. I have clearly spent too much time lecturing them about manners. Tyler was pretty tentative singing it, and Halle got mad at him every time he said it. He'd sing it, and she's say 'Ty-LER' through gritted teeth. I never did get Daija to say trick or treat, but she did say 'day-doo' (thank you) at the last house.

I just printed off a bunch of info about all these different propositions for the election tomorrow... man, this requires way too much brain power.

Magic Fog & Sky Spit

This morning there was this thick, heavy fog, which Halle has never seen before. It was so thick that I could only see about two houses ahead of me while driving this morning. She asked where it came from; I told her it was magic here for Halloween. Her eyes got sooo big. Which reminds me of when it rained last week; Daija doesn't really remember the last time it rained. We were outside and some drops fell on her face, and she kept saying 'eeeewwww' and wiping her face; I think she thought she was getting spit on :)

yikes...

I only have until Friday or Saturday to do my benefits changes. I just sat down and estimated, what my contacts and Halle & Tyler's Rx's and well visits for all of us are going to cost me next year, taking into consideration the increases in my copays and that Tyler's pediatrician thinks his vision is about 20/30 and he's probably going to need glasses soon, how much money I need to put in my medical TFSA. (sigh) $800.

Hell, again...

I had to talk to Halle's teacher yesterday and give her a heads up that one of Halle's friends from class told her that if Halle went trick or treating, she would 'go down to the devil'. Well, I wasn't thrilled by it because Halle gets upset any time she and Hasani have a disagreement, but I know it wasn't said out of malice. I know the little girl very well and she is a sweet little soul. She always runs up and hugs me whenever she sees me and on Monday told me that she wishes I was her mother. I've met her parents, and they are also lovely people. They obviously don't celebrate Halloween, and I'm sure that they've had to try to explain to their little girl why she doesn't get to dress up or go Trick or Treat, and their reasoning is probably that they believe it is Satanic or otherwise sinful in nature, that God wouldn't like it, etc. She's just repeating what her parents believe, but she's still at an age where everything is either black or white - good or bad - right or wrong. I only brought it up to her teacher because Halle may choose to disclose her version of what we discussed if the subject comes up again at school. I wanted her teacher to be aware of what was going on in case Hasani's parents call with any concerns that Halle told Hasani something that is contradictory to their religious beliefs.

Huffing

So I took a plunge from one of the skyscraper high diving boards of parenting today and talked to Tyler (and Halle) about huffing. I've been dreading having to do this for so long... you just never want to have to be the one to tell your kids about the bad stuff. But if he doesn't hear about it from me first... I don't want to think about where and how he'll learn it. He'll be in Jr. High next year. He knows that drugs are bad, and says all the time that he won't do them... he understands that there are legal and illegal drugs, etc. But huffing is something he might not understand is a 'drug.' I've been getting these newsletters from www.theantidrug.com (that's me, btw, in case y'all haven't heard the PSA's), and today there was a link to a newspaper article about a couple boys in Michigan that died (Second Bay City teen dies after 'huffing' accident). I took it home and had him read it, and we talked about what it means to get high... he thought it meant get taller. Can you just imagine, my little baby who is always complaining about being short and wanting to grow, being offered a way to 'get tall?' He'd sign right up. So I explained that sometimes people use drugs to get high, and it's kinda like people using alcohol to get drunk. And I told him how I hope it never happens, but that some time someone might ask him to get high by breathing some fumes, or smoking something, or taking a pill, or sniffing something into his nose, or injecting something in his arm with a needle. I told him how sometimes kids think that it's not dangerous to breathe in fumes from paint or gas because you can buy it at the store, but that it's still really dangerous... it makes you do stupid things like light cigarettes by gas and cause fires, and the chemicals can hurt your body so bad that you can be sitting at home and just fall over dead, even if you're only 14 years old, or 12 years old, or 10, or 8. I told him that getting high can make you hurt people, and steal from people, even people you love like your family. I told him how if a woman is pregnant and does drugs it can hurt her baby so bad the baby can die, or be born with something wrong with it's body, or with brain damage that would make it hard for the baby to learn in school. He wanted to know how I learned so much about drugs, so I told him my introduction to the concept (Elvis) and then he looked at me like I was stupid and commented, 'you know I'm going to think about this tonight when I'm trying to go to sleep' and I told him I wished I never had to ever tell him anything scary or bad, but that I have to make sure he understands how dangerous huffing is. But he's sleeping sweetly now, so hopefully 'Pirates Past Noon' was what he was thinking of after I turned out the light

Halle Update

Halle's still writing her morning message every day... and last week she got 100%'s on both her spelling and math tests. I guess only one of the other 2 kids in her class got 100 on the math. My baby girl is smart :)

In other news...

I've started calling Daija 'Houdini'... I swear she can get into and out of anything. I had to put the extra tall baby gate up at my bathroom entry to keep her out of my makeup. The only thing two baby restraints she can't get out of are her carseat and her feeding chair. She can get into the fridge. If the deadbolt isn't on, she can get out of the house and into the garage. My garage door is weighted... it won't stand open by itself, it's heavy so it will swing shut. HALLE has trouble opening it. But Daija followed me out into the garage two or three times over the weekend. I had to put a flip lock on the pantry to keep her out of it.

Tyler and Halle both brought home perfect attendance awards Friday, and Tyler also brought home an honorable mention award... not bad for a kid who was failing second grade a year ago. I need to remember to call Halle's teacher (someone remind me) to find out if she's doing her morning message every day. I keep forgetting to take that stamp to her teacher.

MAJOR Announcement!!!

Those of you who are mothers will understand... the rest of you will think I'm insane. But I'm OK with that... It's nothing I haven't known for a long time...

Daija came to me tonight, grabbing her backside and saying 'boo boo' (translation: I got #2 in my diaper). I said OK, let's go get it cleaned up and went to the laundry room, where our changing station is. She walked right past me, and started down the hall. When I went to grab her to take her in to the changing pad, she took off running. Went straight to the toilet and tried lifting the lid (which, for a change, was down like it's supposed to be). I asked her, Do you want to sit on the potty? And she replied 'Poh-yee'. So I grabbed the little toilet training insert and got her on there... and sure enough, she finished the last of her 'boo boo' IN THE TOILET!!!

Life is good

SUMBITCH

No other way to describe it. I ask Tyler about his day over dinner, and he tells me something about the school being shut down because there was a crazy person with a gun. I'm thinking, naaaah. I check their backpacks... and in each one is a lovely notice from the principal to inform parents that the school was on lockdown from 7:20 until 8:35 while the police were investigating a shooting at 28th & Chipman, which I believe is less than a mile away.

Halle Update

Well, so far so good. Ro and I had a good long talk with Halle of the good cop, bad cop variety. I did the, 'we want you to learn' and he did the 'you'll deal with me if I hear any more reports like this'. I picked up some stickers and told her that I'd put one in her box on the calendar for every day that she wrote her morning message. I'm going to drop off a little hand stamp with her teacher, so that when Halle turns in her morning message, she can stamp her hand, then I know to give her a sticker. I told Mrs. B.A.G. that I was going to focus on improving just that one area for now, in hopes that getting her off on the right foot first thing in the morning will carry over into the rest of the day, and that once Halle is doing her morning message regularly, I'll focus on another problem area. Apparently Halle came into class both yesterday and today and got out her paper and pencil and got to work, so teacher says it seems to be working so far. Let's hope she keeps it up!

The birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees...

Tyler actually got in trouble last Thursday at PAC because he and another boy were talking about sex and privates. I talked to Tyler and he said that Rashaad said that Tyler had a pretend girlfriend and he was pretending to have sex with her. I was giggling when I asked Tyler if he knew what sex was, and he burst out, exasperated, 'No, I don't, and that's why I never pretend to do it!' Anyway, at that point I could totally see how Tyler would have felt compelled to yell back 'no I'm not having sex' etc. I've always had the approach that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know... and while Tyler knows how babies grow and how they get out, and all the 'correct' names for body parts, he's never asked how babies start or exactly what sex is. But I think we need to have that talk. I love his naivete, but I don't want it to cause him to be a target for being coaxed to do or say inappropriate things (like yelling 'I'm a gaylord')...