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Monday, October 04, 2004

Monday, back to work...

Well, I feel like I worked all weekend. My weekend was pretty good - productive. Got a lot of work done in the yard yesterday, and a lot of house cleaning... and I rearranged by bedroom. I think I have a little more space this way, even though I had to give up a little 'Fung Shui' to do it. There are only two walls I can put my bed on, and it just so happens that the one that makes sense for the bed, faces the door. But not directly, so I consoled myself with that. The wall that my bed was on is really better suited for an office nook. Anyway, it seems to look better this way, and I can actually feel my ceiling fan now... and I can see my TV from the bathroom (on those rare occasions I remember to check the weather channel!) Got the kids' Halloween pictures done, and I am now counting down to our appointment for family holiday portraits on 10/30. I have 4 more pounds to go by then... I've decided that breaking this weight loss down into five pound increments works a little better! So I'm focusing on getting down to 135 by the end of this month - that probably where I need to be to fit comfortably into most if not all my winter clothes. I probably already told you about my wardrobe crisis; I'm trying really hard to buckle down. I had gotten down to 138 and then shot back up to 144. I went back to phase 1 last week and did pretty well despite the obstacle of a couple oatmeal raison cookies... I took off four pounds. I'm down to 139 now and I'm so excited that 130 is actually on the horizon! Then I'm going to give myself until the PAI Christmas Party to lost another five. I had wanted to get to somewhere between 125-130, so I'm going to see after I get to 130 how that looks/feels before I decide to stay there. Of course, these are very lofty goals considering the holidays approaching. But I made up a 4/5 week meal plan last week and I think that's really going to help. I wrote down specific days for eating out, which are about half as often as we have been. I think I may just rotate the same plan instead of making a new one every month. Five weeks is a pretty long time to go between having the same meal twice...

Monday, September 27, 2004

Five year old girls: Built to cause terror...

Thus goes my Friday afternoon:

3:15PM My cell phone rings. Tyler indicates to me that Halle is not at PAC (Phx Activity City, after school program at MLK).

School is dismissed at 12:30PM on Fridays.

I ask to speak with Miss Nikki, who tells me that Tyler asked to call, and that she had not seen Halle all afternoon, and had thought I had picked her up early or something.

I call the office, and inform the dumb *** secretary (seriously, I think she's an idiot) that Halle is not in PAC. She seems to think *I* should know where Halle is, and informs me that the teachers are all in a meeting. I inform her that I left Halle in the school's custody this morning, therefore I expect her teacher to be able to tell me where my daughter went when school was dismissed, and I need to speak with her NOW. She goes to get her, and B.A.G. tells me that after school, Halle and another student who go to PAC were walking to the cafeteria after school. I inform her that Halle never arrived there, and she indicates that they will do an all call and search the campus. I try to call Salvation Army; their rec center is where ASU's Service Learning Program that Halle and Tyler attend on Tu/Th is, but their line is busy.

3:25PM With most of my coworkers huddled in my cube, I call 9-1-1. I am praying she's at salvation army, but if she's not, someone has a three hour head start with my baby girl and I figure Phoenix PD can check all possible places I think she might be in the time it would take me to get to my car.

3:28PM I hang up with 9-1-1, try Salvation Army again and get through; the old guy who volunteers at the front desk puts me on hold.

3:29PM I get call waiting from the school, click over to Nikki who tells me Mrs. Poole (the attendance clerk; she has a clue and I really like her) got in touch with Salvation Army and Halle went on a field trip with the ASU tutors.

3:30PM Having been disconnected from Salvation Army, I call back and Mr. Volunteer puts me on hold, and gets Miss Janet (preschool director at the Salvation Army) who tells me that she saw Halle with someone from the ASU 'Garden Club' (comprising of the tutors from the SLP). I inform her that I have never heard of the Garden Club, and would love to know why the HELL anyone would take my five year old daughter on a field trip without my knowledge or consent. She says she will go and search the community center for Halle, and I ask her to please do so, so that I can call off the swat team.

3:35PM I am on the phone with ASU's switchboard trying to find out who the Hell is in charge of the Garden Club and where they took my damn child; Miss Janet calls back and tells me that she found Halle in the rec center Library. Apparently Halle got there, realized she was not supposed to be there, and being unsure what to do, just went to the Library with the 'Library Lady', and never mentioned to anyone that SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.

3:38PM I call back to 9-1-1, who informs me that the police have been at MLK for 11 minutes. I explained that I was en route from work, but had just gotten a call and that Halle was at Salvation Army. Ms. 9-1-1 says she'll have the officer meet me there.

I have to give major props to Phx PD - by the time I had tracked Halle down by phone, they had already been to the school and had knocked on all my neighbors' doors... they also beat me to salvation army. I don't think Halle was scared (in her mind, she was in a safe place) at all until I got there and she saw how upset I was and that I had called 9-1-1.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

First day of school

We managed to get up and out of the house yesterday! On time, running smoothly. Ro went with us to school; I could tell he was a little 'alarmed' by the school. It's about 50 years old; the school Tyler went to was only 2/3 years old and from what I heard, they went way over budget. It's also about 50/50 Black/Hispanic, with only a handful of white kids and I could tell he was going to the stupid place about that too. He started asking me about private schools which I'm against at this point; there are none in this area I'd be willing to send the kids too, and I can't drive across town for the two/three programs I'd be willing to try. We had a heart to heart
about the quality of the teachers vs. the size of the budget and I think he really came around to see my point of view. I pointed out how well Tyler has done there at the 'gangsta' school and how much trouble he was having at the 'country club' school... and said that if when the kids get older they aren't getting what they need there I'll be happy to revisit it but I really feel like it's important for them to be where they are for now.

Tyler had a great day... all the kids from last year are still in his class, except one of the James' who is still at the school but apparently not in the gifted program anymore. This James was the James who wasn't a particularly good influence, so I can't say I'm unhappy that they won't be
in such close quarters. There are two new boys, and three or four new girls. Mrs. H said he was a little talkative, but that was to be expected.

The kindergarten teachers at MLK don't have teacher's aides (!!!) so I wound up doing that all day yesterday. The kids are just priceless... and a couple of the girls have really high aspirations for kinder. During 'circle time', Mrs. A/G was asking the kids what they wanted to learn. Most kids said read, write my name, one kid wanted to learn to do a cartwheel. But Hasani wants to learn to be a mother, either Kayla or Krishelle wants to learn to be a doctor, and Halle announced that she already knows how to read, so she wants to learn how to baby-sit babies. I really like Hasani, she told me while giving me a hug that I have a really small stomach. Made it a point to introduce myself to her mother ;)

Halle's day had ups and downs... she started off with a bang... happily waved goodbye the first time I went to check on Tyler. Things started to go downhill at the potty/water break. There are 15 girls and 4 boys. There are four stalls in the kinder bathroom. Needless to say, there was a wait for the girls room. It was very hot. Halle is not about being uncomfortable. So 30 minutes or so later, when the teacher needed to turn in attendance and coupled that with a tour of the school so all the kids would know where the nurse and office was, Halle decided it was too hot for a walk so she would just stay in the classroom with me while I made writing packets. I wound up going on the tour of the school. Then, when they started an activity, Halle decided to join me at the work table, and got teary when I sent her back to her seat. When I left to grab something to drink & check on Tyler, she cried. this is when I returned and she wasn't working. I asked her what was wrong, she said she didn't' know what to do. So I'm going over directions, and Mrs. A-G informs me that she knows what to do, because she had turned around to tell someone else what to do. She eventually finished her assignment, and did great at lunch. Cried when I left her room to have lunch with Tyler... when I came back, still not really working. Finally Halle starts working, and almost completes the sheet before Art. She went happily to art without me, and I finished homework folders and chatted a little with her teacher. She did a little better with the activity they did afterwards, but was still more concerned with correcting the mistake the child next to her was about to make than she was with completing her own work. She went to PAC (Phoenix activity city after school program held in he gym), and wanted to stay. So I left for an hour; apparently while I was gone, Miss L. Jones (gifted 2nd grade) went
into the gym, and Halle asked her to stay 'I want an adult to watch me'... apparently Halle wasn't satisfied with the three adult staff members of the program. After we got home, I checked her backpack and her homework was missing. When I questioned her about it, she responded 'I didn't want it.' I asked, 'Where is it?' and she replied 'I put it in the trash at school.' I have explained that the homework was not an optional activity. Last night I told her what a great kindergartener she was, and then went on to explain that I would not be able to stay with her Tuesday because I had to work. She indicated she did not want to go back to school, and that she would rather stay with Crystal. She started to cry, but calmed down when I started naming some of the kids who would really miss her. First thing this morning she did not want to go to school, but by the time she was dressed she seemed fine... I took her to school and waited until she had gotten breakfast and that's all I know. I'm really curious to see how day two went. I have about another hour till school gets out and I'm just dying to know.

Friday, March 10, 2000

"The Terrorist," written by Caroline B. Cooney

Dear Mr. Corman;

I am writing this letter urging the recall of the book "The Terrorist". I am not of Islamic faith but know many who are and find the stereotypes presented in this work to be inappropriate for middle-school children, whom I understand this book is marketed to. Children of this age have often have no experience with any faith outside their own. It would be a terrible shame for any child to have his or her first impression of Islam be such a negative one. This book gives the overall impression that all Muslim people are evil and that Islam is a corrupt and invalid religious institution. The following quote: "Islam. You thought that religion was a pact between youand God, but it wasn't...Men who hated women. Men who wanted women literally locked in their clothes and their homes." particularly disturbs me as my personal experience (having been in an inter-faith relationship with a Muslim) has led me to believe no such thing. I think that this book perpetrates the false belief that many cultural abuses of women in third world countries can be attributed to Islam. I suggest that you peruse the religious tolerance web-site ( http://www.religioustolerance.org/islam.htm ) and compare the book you have published with the facts about Islam and you can see for yourself the gross misconceptions the author and you, as the publishing company, are thrusting upon a captive audience of young and impressionable pre-teens.

Thank you in advance for your kind consideration.

Thursday, March 09, 2000

More Kid-Speak

Last night I told Tyler that after his bath we would have a special treat... cheesecake (got started on calorie free thursday wednesday night...) so he got in the tub and wanted out less than five minutes later... by which time I was on the phone re: a new job opp... he's yelling for me to come wash his hair... I told him to hang on a few minutes and I'd be there. Apparently I wasn't fast enough... he got out of the tub and I heard him muttering... fine then, my hair will just have to stay dirty!

And Miss Halle has been chanting ba-ba for a few days and last night made the transition to da da!

Wednesday, March 08, 2000

Tyler-Speak

Last night I cooking corn tortillas for dinner... Tyler asked me "are we having tacos" and I said yes, and he said, "you're such a good feeder, mommie"...

I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a good cook or if he is just grateful that his sleep-deprived, absent-minded mommie remembered to actually plan something for dinner!

Also, last night he told me that I was going to die (what do they put on PBS these days?)... but that if I don't die, I won't... and that if I ever need anybody to save me, let him know...

Monday, March 06, 2000

jobs falling out of the sky

OOOH! I am feeling much love lately! Brian and I worked for Shell Vacations/Orange Tree - I left a little over a year ago, as did he. There was a huge stink with my boss (commonly referred to as the wicked bitch of the west). She basically made some very slanderous statements insinuating that he sexually harassed the female employees and cited several other admins/managers in the office and indicated I could expect to be next on his list and that she was going to take the issue to HR. Well he hadn't done anything to me but of course I was concerned - I asked one of the admins she mentioned (who was renowned around our office to be a straightforward say it like it is person) about it, and she said she didn't know what the hell my boss was talking about. Without going into much detail, I gave Brian a general idea what had been said to me. Donna wrote me up, and Brian took the issue to the Division VP, that Donna had no right to reprimand me for discussing a work related issue with him, because he was also a manager and I had the right to discuss any concerns I might have with him. Anyway, my reprimand was retracted and my boss was demoted as office manager! Y'all are probably wondering why the hell I'm telling you this, but that was all background info... I lost touch with Brian around April of last year and he got in touch with me over the weekend and asked if I'd be interested in joining his company as the Administrative manager for his department... and basically said that unless I'm making a million dollars a year he'll pay my asking price! woohoo!!! Anyway, I sent him an email with some questions... I’ll keep you posted.

Friday, March 03, 2000

Friday...

I think I forgot to mention I had some ~GREAT~ news on Monday! Tyler's dad called and said he absolutely can't wait until summer and that he'll be calling me with an itinerary for a visit in about a month. I think he's been getting a little pressure from his parents (specifically mom) not to take time off work yet. I am very happy, and have already approached Roro with him having his first weekend visit with Halle when Joel comes... I'll send my sister to her mother (for the weekend, and maybe longer) and I'll be heading somewhere... don't know where but maybe to visit Kath! Hopefully Joel will be willing to housesit (ok, the house doesn't really need watching but RaMie would probably appreciate being walked).

More on Roro... I talked with him in more detail about the fact he had the wrong back surgery... well, after I told him I didn't htink that surgery would help him, he got a 2nd opinion, and the 2nd surgeon said it was not the best surgery... so what did genius do? He let the first surgeon do it anyway! So I doubt we have grounds for a mal-practice lawsuit (LOL), but maybe we can award the first "Idiot of the Millenium" trophy... he went back to work on Wednesday and is working light duty, day shift, M-F... and he gave me some $$ last night, always happy when that happens :o)... it's not the full amount he usually gives me but after two months of getting nothing, every little bit is a lot!

Tyler has a new friend... named Jackson {where does he come up with these names? he named his doll Gus}... Jackson makes a mess in Tyler's room... but he does help clean up. Jackson is a dog... but a friendly dog. Jackson is "bigger than me"... and my sitter and I were talking to Tyler about jackson and she asked him where jackson was and he said... "in here {rubbing his tummy}... I'm going to the office for the doctor to take him out..."

Calgon? Please? Valium, anyone have some spare valium?

Monday, February 28, 2000

quick update...

I got Halle's ears peirced on Sunday! She was PISSED for about a minute and then she was fine, smiling and happy. I got her earrings with the diamond stone in the middle and pink stones all around so it looks like a flower. She looks so cute in them!

Both kids have colds, but only Tyler has pink eye... halle doesn't have it but I'm putting the drops in her eyes anyway just in case. Halle weighs 18lbs... Tyler weighs 31! I meant to check Tyler's chart to see what he weighed at 6 mos but I forgot to.

And surprise of all surprises... Roro didn't pick Halle up yesterday. I just knew that he would wait until it was a time where I wouldn't let him take her anyway, and sure enough he called at 8:15 knowing that I put her to bed at 9:00. I just started telling him about the doctor's appt and her ears and said that's all that's happened today... I didn't even bring up him picking her up (or not picking her up, as the case was)... but I'm sure he expected me to. I wish he would stop playing these games... but then what would I get my amusement from? it's all funny to me...

Friday, February 25, 2000

Thunder Perfect Mind

I am the first and the last
I am the honoured one and the scorned one
I am the whore and the holy one
Iam the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the barren oneand many are her sons
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband
and he is my offspring
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent
and the word whose appearance is multiple
I am the utterance of my name
I am knowledge I am ignorance
I am shame I am boldness
I am shameless and am ashamed
I am strength I am fearGive heed to me
I am the one who is disgraced and the great one
I am she who does not keep festival
and she whose festivals are many
I am the wisdom of the Greeks
and the knowledge of the barbarians
I am the one whose image is great in Egypt
and the one who has no image among the barbarians
I am the one who has been hated everywhere
and who has been loved everywhere
I am the one whom they call Life
and you have called Death

Wednesday, February 23, 2000

Humpday again already?

I called Roro this afternoon and told him that I am not going to file against him in court. I told him that if he wants Halle's interest to be protected that he needs to go file... I would have to take at least half a day off work to go file and he is off work right now anyway, so it's not like he doesn't have the time. I also told him that I am not going to give him something to throw in my face later, because even though he was the one who wanted me to do it, you all know how he is. I told him that it's up to him to take responsiblity for his daughter, I can't make him do it and anything he gives will be up to him, I can't make him and I'm not going to ask the courts to make him. We also got into a discussion about him not giving me anything at all, and he said that he's broke and doesn't have anything to give me... I said I won't touch that... but he pressed it so I said, what about your cell phone? he said that's only $29, what would $29 do for you? I said, buy a case of diapers at sam's club which would last the baby almost a month, buy 3 cans of formula which would last two weeks... he said that if I needed formula or diapers I should have said so and he would get them... I said I shouldn't have to ask, you should just do it or at least offer or ask if I need anything. If you have an extra $29 it should go to your daughter before it goes to AT&T.

I am thinking I'm sending my sis back to my mom. I am tired of repeating myself, tired of $$ mysteriously disappearing, tired of everything...

Tuesday, February 15, 2000

Going to court... eeewwwww

UGH!!! I just got off the phone with Roro... and I was in such a good mood. He had his preliminary hearing with Sandy this morning, who downright stuttered over his box of receipts... :o) They have 30 days to work out a visitation/custody agreement, and then they go back to court and the judge will determine child support and/or custody if they haven't worked something out. In this 30 days Roro wants me to file against him for child support... {picture me stomping, kicking pulling hair, gnashing teeth. I do not want to go to court - DCSE does not live in my house and I don't want it involved in my life! We are all adults, dammit!} He also wants to Halle and Brianna's visitation with him to coincide so that they can be together as well. I told him that I think as long as he wants their visitations to be together, that is a conversation the three of us should have together. He agreed but said not now... I am sure that Sandy is pissed. The advisor told her that it would be in her best interest to work something out with Roro because the judge will not give her sole custody, that sole custody is usually only given when the parent is delinquent (a drunk, drug addict, abusive, etc). So he'll get joint, and she won't be able to cut Bri's hair, pierce her ears, move, change her phone number, without letting him know and getting his agreement. I doubt she's in the mood to discuss anything. Hopefully she'll CHILL THE F#CK OUT before this 30 days is up. Baby momma drama, y'all!

Monday, February 14, 2000

Weekend alone...

I went out Friday night (part of my efforts to move on). I had fun, was on pins & needles waiting for Roro to show up at the club but he didn't. I met a guy, Mark, who was very nice, gave me his phone number (and didn't ask for mine, 10 points, buddy!) and didn't grope me on the dance floor. Tree was there, however (Roro's BF) and I am surprised that he hasn't told Roro he saw me, and even more surprised that if he did, Roro hasn't said anything to me. And except for calling me Thursday wanting tickets, he hasn't called at any inappropriate times. Of course, I find it interesting that since I told him to leave me alone and that he needs to spend time w/Halle on his own he hasn't been by to pick her up. Saturday afternoon when he finally got in touch with me he wanted to know where we'd been, that he had wanted to come get her. Of course, he never called my cell phone, it just so happens I was two miles away from his house at the Chinese Cultural Festival and could have easily dropped her off. Same thing Sunday, he called in the afternoon while she was napping. He needs to get it through his head that he can't just wing through anymore. He needs to make reservations. Our time is valuable.

Thursday, February 10, 2000

The Talk

My head is throbbing, my eyes are burning, my stomach is queasy and I overall feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I am operating on barely three hours of sleep, and very restless sleep at that. Roro and I had the infamous talk last night. I started out by apologizing to him for saying that I didn’t need him and explained that I had said that to disabuse him of the notion that I was trying to trap him into a relationship or have a baby just to get money from him. I told him that I never meant to make him feel like he wasn’t important or that I didn’t want him to be around. Then he asked what else was on my mind, and I said I wish you would tell me what you want from me. He was quiet for a minute and said what do you want me to tell you… DUH! We started talking and he said that he wasn’t happy with himself and that he knew he couldn’t make anyone else happy and that he frequently took out his frustrations on others and that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now, he rambled a lot, and also said that he wasn’t just using me for sex and that he wasn’t trying to lead me on. I told him that I can understand that but if you can’t give me what I want (he interjects here… you’ll find someone else who will) and I said no, if you can’t give me what I want I need you to back off me. I said to him, we are not two strangers/acquaintances who are just hanging out and having sex, we'll never be able to go back to that casual kind of relationship. We have a baby and a history and I care a lot about you. I explained that there are two different kinds of relationships – a relationship where two people care about each other and are committed to each other and then there is the relationship where two people just fuck. He asked me what relationship I was in, and I said I am in a relationship with someone and we just fuck and that’s not the relationshp I want to be in. He said that he wouldn’t bother me that way anymore, and I asked him if he realized how many times he’s said that to me? I explained to him that he is really the only person I’m comfortable spending time with right now because Halle is so little and Tyler is so grown and my time is so limited, and that it was a very lonely time for me and that it was very hard for me to say no to him and that by putting me in that position, can’t he see that just by approaching me he is leading me on? And then I told him that I don’t want to have these kinds of feelings for you where I have nightmares about busting you cheating… and then we got into a discussion about this recurring nightmare I’ve been having ever since he came back from England where I walk into a room and catch him having sex w/another woman. He got defensive because he's never cheated and I got frustrated because he's not LISTENING to me or making any effort to understand how insecure I am in this situation, so I started listing all the things that he shouldn’t have done which escalated into him throwing out his “American women are never satisfied” and “if you want to go to court we can go to court” (I have NEVER in the 14mos of our parenting relationship said I wanted to go to court… but “all” American women do so we can if I want) and that all American women want is child support anyway. I threw in a few statements about him taking responsibility for himself and stop using the fact that he’s made some crummy choices in women as an excusefor everything that hasn't gone right for him and that he might want to wake up and realize that he didn’t live back home anymore. And of course once I started bringing up his mistakes he didn’t want to “talk about this shit anymore because it’s in the past”. I took a few deep breaths and said I knew that I’d brought this up before but that I really feel like it’s time for us to start separating Halle’s visitation… he asked me to explain and I said I think you should start spending time with her here at your house and not at mine. He said that’s a good idea. Then he said “anything else” and I asked him not to call my house after 10PM anymore and not to stop by without calling. He said fine, and I started to get up and leave and he throws out… don’t call me unless it’s an emergency. I said fine and kept going, and he added don’t call to tell me when she does something, only call if it’s an emergency. I said OK and left. I heard him open the door so I know he was watching me leave. I don’t know if he was expecting me to come running back, or probably thinking I’d break down in tears as soon as I got outside but I’ll be damned before giving him the satisfaction. I waited till I was pulling out of the parking lot ;o) Anyway, that was the talk and I am mourning now too. If he chooses to be unhappy with his life that’s fine, but I’m pretty happy with mine and I’m not going to let him drag me down with him. So now I have to find my DIVA self. But first things first I need to have a REALLY good cry. {sigh} I’ll just have to find the time.

Tuesday, February 08, 2000

Tiamat, Mummu and the formless creating Sea

Among the ancient cuneiform poems that have been discovered in the last century and a half, the Babylonian Creation Epic (dated about 2500 BCE) caused excitement among biblical commentators in our late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. They were able to use this poem to show extraordinary similarities with the Genesis creation story. Today feminist theologians use it to review material that until recently has been overlooked or discounted. The creation myth, named the ‘Enuma Elish’ (When on high), like Genesis begins with an account of pre-creation.

When on high were not raised the heavens
And also below on earth a plant had not grown up
Alone there existed primordial Apsu, who engendered them
Only Mummu and Tiamat who brought them all forth
Their waters could mix together in a single stream
In the depths of their waters were the gods created.

There are references to ‘the chaos Tiamat’ who was ‘the producing mother of all of them’. She is referred to as a sea monster, a chaos monster and ‘the deep’. There is a Babylonian depiction of her as a dragon.

The Epic describes her story. Creation of the gods comes first, from her body; then there is dissension between them. Eventually her descendant Marduk with his various friends manages to kill her and tear her apart. He gives the various divisions of her body to his friends and each of these becomes master of some part of the universe created from Tiamat.

Whether Tiamat ‘alone’ created the world, or with the help of Mummu, an enigmatic figure – sometimes female sometimes male – and with Apsu, god of the sweet waters as engendering father, depends on the text. Mummu, whose name is related to the word for mother in almost all languages, appears to be an aspect of Tiamat described as a ‘chaos monster’. The primeval sea, her home, has been understood by numerous ancient writers to be the origin of life.

The concept of Tiamat as a dragon indicates a vision of totality, thus encompassing the four elements 0f a dragon is amphibian, living in both sea and on land; it breathes fire and air. The formless deep which is the body of Tiamat contains everything within it necessary for life – and she herself creates various forms and monsters during the battle with Marduk.

In addition to this totality – a wholeness without form – Tiamat is described as ‘holding the Tablets of Destiny’ which appear to symbolize supreme knowledge of the world and its future.

The Enuma Elish describes how the god Marduk assembles a force to overcome Tiamat and Mummu, in order to become lord of the universe and possess the Tablets. After a horrific battle he is successful. How he kills Tiamat and the way he disassembles the various parts of her body and builds the different areas of the universe from them have been widely commented upon, as has the possible relationship of Tiamat to the Hebrew Tehom (the ‘void’, Genesis 1:2), and the idea that she was an alternative source of creation which must, in the Hebrew bible, be shown to have been vanquished.

Until recently, there was a general consensus among scholars that the dismembering of the ‘chaos dragon’ brought about what Jacobsen (1946) called ‘the fundamentals of world order’. The separation of her various parts and labeling them, as areas of the world, and putting them under the dominion of various lords has, Jacobsen suggests, contributed to the orderly control of Nature. Today, this is no longer a unanimous view, owing to the reappraisal by female scholars. Mary Daly (1979) uncompromisingly names the Tiamat-Marduk story as a ‘sado-ritual syndrome enactment of goddess murder’. Ruby Rohrlich-Leavitt (1977), documenting the consolidation of the state into the hands of a male elite in Sumer during the fourth millennium BCE draws attention to the relevance of the murder of Tiamat and its methods to ways in which force and violence were used to enslave women of the period.

In fact, Tiamat stands out not, as Jacobsen believes, as a symbol of passivity and inaction, but of wholeness and totality. She is the creator goddess from whom all beings emerge, and further, she is the keeper of the tablets of destiny. The later Babylonian priest Berosus, naming her as the ‘woman Omoroka’, praises her as Mistress of Incantations and Mistress of the Moon. ‘The Coil of Tiamat’ is part of certain Kabbalistic doctrines, reflecting echoes of ancient mysteries. N K Sandars 91971) points out that the Babylonian hymns, whilst recounting Tiamat’s defeat, also intimate that she is never really destroyed. The Hymn of Praise exhorts Tiamat to ‘recede into the future…till time of old’. Durdin-Robertson (1975) reflects that the zoomorphic beings of Tiamat’s creation are probably considered to be prototypes of the present Western zodiac, and connect with the well-known Chaldean (Babylonian) skills of astrology and astronomy.

Thus Tiamat comes well within the definition of a Wisdom goddess; creator of the gods, possessor and keeper of the Tablets of Destiny, repository of magical and intellectual powers, and with even a hint of immortality. That she lives in, and is goddess off, salt water gives the idea of the sea as the source of life.

Excerpted from : In a Chariot Drawn by Lions, Wisdom Goddesses in the Ancient Near East, Ch. 6

Friday, February 04, 2000

on that job opportunity...

I've pretty much passed on it already. The hours for the job are 7:00AM to 4:30PM. Can't do it. Add that to the commute and my day away from the kids would increase by about 2 hours. No money is worth it. Sam was supposed to get back to me yesterday about the hours, I told him it was not possible for me to be there by 7A anyway, Tyler's preschool he'll start soon doesn't even open till 7.

Wednesday, February 02, 2000

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

I must have a Cyndi-fest for a minute….in October when I was job interviewing, I interviewed for two days and got three job offers. I took the job w/NCTI and turned down OCS and CFP. Sam w/CFP said he understood my desire to join the training company since my interest lies more in a training/HR direction, and that their current HR person would be retiring in two to three years and to please update him if my information changed because he would be keeping my resume… Two weeks later OCS contacted me by letter asking me to come in and interview for a higher position than they originally offered me. It could have been a little more money, but not a lot more, and it definitely would have been a lot more work and stress and not nearly as much fun as what I do right now. Well, Sunday Sam from CFP called me and left a message w/my sis. I figured that whoever they hired for the position they’d offered me hadn’t worked out and that he was calling to see if I’d reconsider. I called him back with the intention of telling him that I was very flattered that he’d contacted me, but that I’m very happy where I am and in light of some personal issues (meaning Roro possibly not working for a long long time), I wasn’t interested in making a change. He called me three times on Monday before I called him back Tuesday AM. Then he caught me at home last night just as I was walking in the door and starts telling me about a different position, a marketing position in their sales department, how impressed he had been in our interview and how much they still want me on their “team”…. And proceeds to offer me 5K more than I am making in salary, a $3000 signing bonus ($1000 at 90 days and $2000 paid on my 1yr anniversary), as well as a potential monthly bonus of $500/mo and he will guarantee in my employment contract that I will get bonus at least 6 times my first year, which is another $3000.00. And of course if the department makes bonus more than 6 times, I’d get that too, which could potentially be another $3000.00 if they hit bonus every month!!! So if I took this job, I’d be guaranteed to make 11K MORE than my current salary, and could potentially make up to 14K more than my current salary if we hit bonus every month ($500x12 would be $6000.00 in bonus)… and he says he'll speed up the insurance benefits and that we can probably bypass the waiting period. I am SERIOUSLY considering this offer. I really LOVE my work now, the involvement with Nite Hoops is incredibly rewarding, and I really like my boss and I’ll hate to leave him. However, I have done work in the past that is similar to this position and I really enjoyed it, although not as much as I love what I do now. I don’t know what Roro will do if he can’t go back to work. He’s worked in aircraft maintenance all his "grownup" life, for about 15 years. He loves planes, flying them, working on them… it’s all he ever wanted to do growing up. I know he is probably perfectly capable of doing a management job, but let’s face it, in corporate america he’ll never get one. He doesn’t have a bachelor’s degree, he’s black, and he’s foreign. If he was only dealing with one of those issues it might be a different story, but with three strikes, he’s out…. I know that he could easily get a management position with an airlines back in Sudan, but with the difference in the standard of living between here and there is so HUGE that him making great money in their economy may not mean jack as far as him helping me financially for the baby… I know that when he has money he gives it to me, so I’m not pissed at him for not helping out right now, I am stressed about it and this new job would alleviate that stress. The salary alone (not including bonuses) is an additional $400/mo, which is more than Roro gives me in child support anyway. I need you guys to play devil’s advocate, with the exception of the fact I’d be leaving a job I love and a company I’m very proud of, and my commute will be a little longer, I can’t see a major downside here since I’m sure I’ll also like the new job and they already think I’m the cat’s meow… and I want to be totally sure of this decision.

Monday, January 31, 2000

Monday, Monday...

Joel called me Saturday morning to ask me if he gets to declare Tyler this year. Is it that hard to remember he gets odd years? I told him I'd have to look just because he irritated me. Also, he only declares Tyler when his CS is current, and DCSE says it ain't. I don't really care one way or the other, I upped my whatchacallits and hardly had any taxes taken out anyway. I also had another lovely conversation with Joel's mama on Saturday. She wants Tyler to come and visit Joel this summer in VA while she's down there, which is fine with me. However, when we first talked about it she was wanting Tyler to be there the whole time that she would be there, which would be 3-4 weeks. I just said we'll see because I feel like that is a decision that Joel and I need to make. I told Joel that I didn't think Tyler's first time away from me needed to be that long... he's never been away from me longer than 3 days. I said two weeks would be a good start and we can eventually work our way up to him going to his dad for a month or 6 weeks during the summer. But by the time this summer visit rolls around, he'll have not seen joel for about 10 months. Joel says fine, no problem. Then his mother calls me today and tries to tell me that Tyler will need to be there for 3-4 weeks, then as we get deeper into the conversation, I determine she's really talking about 5 weeks maybe 6 because there is a family reunion planned the third week of August that she wants to stay for. I planted my feet firm and told her that will not happen. This first visit WILL NOT be longer than two weeks. And then she actually asked me how I felt about Tyler flying alone. HELLO!!!! he is 3! Well, he'll be 4 by the time this trip rolls around, but I don't think so! I also made it clear that ALL finances involved in this trip were Joel's responsibility - he was the one who decided to move clear across the country and although I'd be happy to try and get a buddy pass from Roro and escort Tyler there, I'm not paying a damn thing. I love Joel's mom, but Joel needs to make his own arrangements with me and quit trying to let her be the go-between. Speaking of buddy passes, that may not even be an option. The physical therapist told Roro Friday that he'll never be able to return to work at 100%. Lovely, huh?

Friday, January 28, 2000

Drop the Chalupa

Last night Tyler was doing somersaults and modified cartwheels through the living room chanting "drop the chalupa". Halle was giggling like a nut! She seems to be exhibiting all the classic signs of teething. With the exception of drooling and chewing on stuff, Tyler never really teethed. Halle isn't eating as well as usual the past few days and seems cranky. I think I remember somewhere that sometimes sucking is uncomfortable for teething babies, but since I never went through it with Tyler I'm not sure. Anyway, Halle is barely eating in the mornings and then eats a lot in the evenings, but she kinda plays with her bottles, she doesn't just suck it down like she used to. She'd rather watch Tyler do whatever he's doing. I had to make him sit down (not an easy feat for him) this morning just so she'd eat.

Thursday, January 06, 2000

Rubber Duckie, you're the one... you make bathtime so much fun!

While I was pregnant with Halle, Tyler got a little snippy with me about using *his* bathroom. I gently explained to him that the bathroom didn't belong to him, and that when the baby came, they would share it. This totally intruiged him... and he asked me "Mommi, will the baby take a baffwif me?". I was flooded with memories of myself, my sister, and my brother in the tub together - my by the drain and spout because I was the oldest, my sister at the far end, and our brother in the middle because he was the baby.Throughout my pregnancy and Halle's early infancy, Tyler and I both looked forward to their first bath together with great anticipation. Santa broughtHalle a bath seat for Yule, and on Christmas Eve Tyler introduced her to the wonderful world of rubber duckies!

Queenie Mama

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PHX, AZ, United States
I’m a thirty-something Unitarian Universalist-urban-professional-hippie-ghetto-trailer park-country-anti-racist-pro-choice-standing on the side of love-1983 station wagon driving-single-ADHD-volleyball/boxing/wrestling mom of three multiracial children and two bad-ass dogs.

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