curlykidz

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Friday, October 15, 2004

oooh, aaaah

... I lost my bra, I left it in my boyfriends car.

Gawd, I love other people's children.

Edited Version:

Oooh, aaaah, I lost my car, I left it at the shopping mall

Thursday, October 14, 2004

3rd presidential debate

I didn't see any of the other debates but I did catch about half of this one. I was really bothered by Bush deflecting the question on minimum wage and going off on a tangent about NCLB for a couple reasons. While I believe that better education leads to better wages, I don't think NCLB is going to do that, and frankly, there are educated people out there who are having trouble staying employed so I really was disappointed by his insinuation that the problems in our economy are because of a failure in the education system. There are a lot of educated people who are unemployed and under employed, and the issues in our public education system are not to blame for that. I also wish he would have rebutted some of Kerry's remarks with something more substatial than stating Kerry didn't know what he was talking about. I'd have liked to have heard a detailed, concise, and solid reason or reasons WHY he thought Kerry was wrong.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Tyler & Halle's Conferences

Parent teacher conferences were about two weeks ago - had Tyler's first and he's doing really well. No behavioral problems, his focus/attention is good. He's not consistent with getting his homework turned in though - but that's almost to be expected with him. Other than that, his handwriting is now what she considers grade level, and she confided that his handwriting is not the worst in the class by any means. BUT, it is still laborious for him, which is one of two problems contributing to the improvements he needs to make in language arts. Because it takes him so long to write, he often loses his thought before he's done with the physical activity of writing. He does anything and everything he can to cut whatever he is writing about short - very few details, frequently fragmented sentences. She feels his analytical/logical nature also is a hindrance and she wants him to work on being silly/funny/creative in writing, and that it's OK to write about a character in a way that you wouldn't talk about a real person (like maybe make the character ugly, or crazy, or stupid, etc). So that's going to be our focus for him with his tutors. Oh, and his reading fluency doesn't match his comprehension and apparently Tyler interests lie in/he is choosing books that are beyond his fluency so I need to help him work on that.

Pleased as punch, I head over for Halle's conference. I got over to see Mrs. A.G., and I didn't think it was going to go well when she started off by saying 'Halle, Halle, Halle'. I commented as such, and she told me she is not very happy with my daughter right now. She said she thinks she is a very sweet girl, but she is not happy with her. Apparently, Halle does *nothing*. She comes into class with a smile on her face, but then goes to her seat and sits there, and usually does nothing while the rest of the class writes the morning message "Good Morning. Today is (month, day)." I swear to all that is I almost fell out of my seat when she told me this story.... the other day B.A.G. told her she couldn't have treat or free time or whatever was going on that day until she did the Wednesday morning message - which Halle did. But the on Thursday, thinking it had worked well the day before and she gave Halle the same instruction, Halle came to her two minutes later and said 'I'm done!' She had taken the paper she used Wednesday and erased Wednesday and 29, and wrote Thursday and 30 in their place. I was so glad Halle was not there; I couldn't have held it in. B.A.G. told me she thought it was pretty funny too, but would never tell Halle that. She figures if Halle was smart enough to do that, Halle is plenty smart enough to be writing the message every day like she's supposed too. B.A.G. tells me that she looks at Halle, and Halle looks at her, and she looks at Halle, and Halle looks at her. She says she gets the impression Halle thinks it's her job to sit there and look pretty; she will look over and Halle will be straightening her skirt, or adjusting her socks, etc. She gets a 100% on almost every spelling test, and got an 85% on the last reading test. Academically Halle is one of her best students, but she isn't doing anything to demonstrate that. She has moved her seat several times, no results. She has tried time outs, but that seems to suit Halle just fine (I can agree, Halle used to put herself in time out all the time). She's at a loss, I'm going to try and figure out a way to give her some incentive that will be easy for B.A.G. and I both to follow through on. She and I also talked about kinder standards and how lax the other kinders in the school and district seem to be. I told her how I was totally overwhelmed at the first of the year by her pace but had to say I am so impressed because obviously it isn't overwhelming the kids and they are clearly rising to the challenge, Halle included. She complimented my list of questions and asked where I got them, so that made me feel like a good mom :)

Pro-life? Look at the fruitsby Dr. Glen Harold Stassen

I am a Christian ethicist, and trained in statistical analysis. I am consistently pro-life. My son David is one witness. For my family, "pro-life" is personal. My wife caught rubella in the eighth week of her pregnancy. We decided not to terminate, to love and raise our baby. David is legally blind and severely handicapped; he also is a blessing to us and to the world.
I look at the fruits of political policies more than words. I analyzed the data on abortion during the George W. Bush presidency. There is no single source for this information - federal reports go only to 2000, and many states do not report - but I found enough data to identify trends. My findings are counterintuitive and disturbing.
Abortion was decreasing. When President Bush took office, the nation's abortion rates were at a 24-year low, after a 17.4% decline during the 1990s. This was an average decrease of 1.7% per year, mostly during the latter part of the decade. (This data comes from Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life using the Guttmacher Institute's studies).
Enter George W. Bush in 2001. One would expect the abortion rate to continue its consistent course downward, if not plunge. Instead, the opposite happened.
I found three states that have posted multi-year statistics through 2003, and abortion rates have risen in all three: Kentucky's increased by 3.2% from 2000 to 2003. Michigan's increased by 11.3% from 2000 to 2003. Pennsylvania's increased by 1.9% from 1999 to 2002. I found 13 additional states that reported statistics for 2001 and 2002. Eight states saw an increase in abortion rates (14.6% average increase), and five saw a decrease (4.3% average decrease).
Under President Bush, the decade-long trend of declining abortion rates appears to have reversed. Given the trends of the 1990s, 52,000 more abortions occurred in the United States in 2002 than would have been expected before this change of direction.
How could this be? I see three contributing factors:
First, two thirds of women who abort say they cannot afford a child (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life Web site). In the past three years, unemployment rates increased half again. Not since Hoover had there been a net loss of jobs during a presidency until the current administration. Average real incomes decreased, and for seven years the minimum wage has not been raised to match inflation. With less income, many prospective mothers fear another mouth to feed.
Second, half of all women who abort say they do not have a reliable mate (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life). Men who are jobless usually do not marry. Only three of the 16 states had more marriages in 2002 than in 2001, and in those states abortion rates decreased. In the 16 states overall, there were 16,392 fewer marriages than the year before, and 7,869 more abortions. As male unemployment increases, marriages fall and abortion rises.
Third, women worry about health care for themselves and their children. Since 5.2 million more people have no health insurance now than before this presidency - with women of childbearing age overrepresented in those 5.2 million - abortion increases.
The U.S. Catholic Bishops warned of this likely outcome if support for families with children was cut back. My wife and I know - as does my son David - that doctors, nurses, hospitals, medical insurance, special schooling, and parental employment are crucial for a special child. David attended the Kentucky School for the Blind, as well as several schools for children with cerebral palsy and other disabilities. He was mainstreamed in public schools as well. We have two other sons and five grandchildren, and we know that every mother, father, and child needs public and family support.
What does this tell us? Economic policy and abortion are not separate issues; they form one moral imperative. Rhetoric is hollow, mere tinkling brass, without health care, health insurance, jobs, child care, and a living wage. Pro-life in deed, not merely in word, means we need policies that provide jobs and health insurance and support for prospective mothers.
Glen Stassen is the Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary, and the co-author of Kingdom Ethics: Following Jesus in Contemporary Context, Christianity Today's Book of the Year in theology or ethics.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Monday, back to work...

Well, I feel like I worked all weekend. My weekend was pretty good - productive. Got a lot of work done in the yard yesterday, and a lot of house cleaning... and I rearranged by bedroom. I think I have a little more space this way, even though I had to give up a little 'Fung Shui' to do it. There are only two walls I can put my bed on, and it just so happens that the one that makes sense for the bed, faces the door. But not directly, so I consoled myself with that. The wall that my bed was on is really better suited for an office nook. Anyway, it seems to look better this way, and I can actually feel my ceiling fan now... and I can see my TV from the bathroom (on those rare occasions I remember to check the weather channel!) Got the kids' Halloween pictures done, and I am now counting down to our appointment for family holiday portraits on 10/30. I have 4 more pounds to go by then... I've decided that breaking this weight loss down into five pound increments works a little better! So I'm focusing on getting down to 135 by the end of this month - that probably where I need to be to fit comfortably into most if not all my winter clothes. I probably already told you about my wardrobe crisis; I'm trying really hard to buckle down. I had gotten down to 138 and then shot back up to 144. I went back to phase 1 last week and did pretty well despite the obstacle of a couple oatmeal raison cookies... I took off four pounds. I'm down to 139 now and I'm so excited that 130 is actually on the horizon! Then I'm going to give myself until the PAI Christmas Party to lost another five. I had wanted to get to somewhere between 125-130, so I'm going to see after I get to 130 how that looks/feels before I decide to stay there. Of course, these are very lofty goals considering the holidays approaching. But I made up a 4/5 week meal plan last week and I think that's really going to help. I wrote down specific days for eating out, which are about half as often as we have been. I think I may just rotate the same plan instead of making a new one every month. Five weeks is a pretty long time to go between having the same meal twice...

Monday, September 27, 2004

Five year old girls: Built to cause terror...

Thus goes my Friday afternoon:

3:15PM My cell phone rings. Tyler indicates to me that Halle is not at PAC (Phx Activity City, after school program at MLK).

School is dismissed at 12:30PM on Fridays.

I ask to speak with Miss Nikki, who tells me that Tyler asked to call, and that she had not seen Halle all afternoon, and had thought I had picked her up early or something.

I call the office, and inform the dumb *** secretary (seriously, I think she's an idiot) that Halle is not in PAC. She seems to think *I* should know where Halle is, and informs me that the teachers are all in a meeting. I inform her that I left Halle in the school's custody this morning, therefore I expect her teacher to be able to tell me where my daughter went when school was dismissed, and I need to speak with her NOW. She goes to get her, and B.A.G. tells me that after school, Halle and another student who go to PAC were walking to the cafeteria after school. I inform her that Halle never arrived there, and she indicates that they will do an all call and search the campus. I try to call Salvation Army; their rec center is where ASU's Service Learning Program that Halle and Tyler attend on Tu/Th is, but their line is busy.

3:25PM With most of my coworkers huddled in my cube, I call 9-1-1. I am praying she's at salvation army, but if she's not, someone has a three hour head start with my baby girl and I figure Phoenix PD can check all possible places I think she might be in the time it would take me to get to my car.

3:28PM I hang up with 9-1-1, try Salvation Army again and get through; the old guy who volunteers at the front desk puts me on hold.

3:29PM I get call waiting from the school, click over to Nikki who tells me Mrs. Poole (the attendance clerk; she has a clue and I really like her) got in touch with Salvation Army and Halle went on a field trip with the ASU tutors.

3:30PM Having been disconnected from Salvation Army, I call back and Mr. Volunteer puts me on hold, and gets Miss Janet (preschool director at the Salvation Army) who tells me that she saw Halle with someone from the ASU 'Garden Club' (comprising of the tutors from the SLP). I inform her that I have never heard of the Garden Club, and would love to know why the HELL anyone would take my five year old daughter on a field trip without my knowledge or consent. She says she will go and search the community center for Halle, and I ask her to please do so, so that I can call off the swat team.

3:35PM I am on the phone with ASU's switchboard trying to find out who the Hell is in charge of the Garden Club and where they took my damn child; Miss Janet calls back and tells me that she found Halle in the rec center Library. Apparently Halle got there, realized she was not supposed to be there, and being unsure what to do, just went to the Library with the 'Library Lady', and never mentioned to anyone that SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.

3:38PM I call back to 9-1-1, who informs me that the police have been at MLK for 11 minutes. I explained that I was en route from work, but had just gotten a call and that Halle was at Salvation Army. Ms. 9-1-1 says she'll have the officer meet me there.

I have to give major props to Phx PD - by the time I had tracked Halle down by phone, they had already been to the school and had knocked on all my neighbors' doors... they also beat me to salvation army. I don't think Halle was scared (in her mind, she was in a safe place) at all until I got there and she saw how upset I was and that I had called 9-1-1.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

First day of school

We managed to get up and out of the house yesterday! On time, running smoothly. Ro went with us to school; I could tell he was a little 'alarmed' by the school. It's about 50 years old; the school Tyler went to was only 2/3 years old and from what I heard, they went way over budget. It's also about 50/50 Black/Hispanic, with only a handful of white kids and I could tell he was going to the stupid place about that too. He started asking me about private schools which I'm against at this point; there are none in this area I'd be willing to send the kids too, and I can't drive across town for the two/three programs I'd be willing to try. We had a heart to heart
about the quality of the teachers vs. the size of the budget and I think he really came around to see my point of view. I pointed out how well Tyler has done there at the 'gangsta' school and how much trouble he was having at the 'country club' school... and said that if when the kids get older they aren't getting what they need there I'll be happy to revisit it but I really feel like it's important for them to be where they are for now.

Tyler had a great day... all the kids from last year are still in his class, except one of the James' who is still at the school but apparently not in the gifted program anymore. This James was the James who wasn't a particularly good influence, so I can't say I'm unhappy that they won't be
in such close quarters. There are two new boys, and three or four new girls. Mrs. H said he was a little talkative, but that was to be expected.

The kindergarten teachers at MLK don't have teacher's aides (!!!) so I wound up doing that all day yesterday. The kids are just priceless... and a couple of the girls have really high aspirations for kinder. During 'circle time', Mrs. A/G was asking the kids what they wanted to learn. Most kids said read, write my name, one kid wanted to learn to do a cartwheel. But Hasani wants to learn to be a mother, either Kayla or Krishelle wants to learn to be a doctor, and Halle announced that she already knows how to read, so she wants to learn how to baby-sit babies. I really like Hasani, she told me while giving me a hug that I have a really small stomach. Made it a point to introduce myself to her mother ;)

Halle's day had ups and downs... she started off with a bang... happily waved goodbye the first time I went to check on Tyler. Things started to go downhill at the potty/water break. There are 15 girls and 4 boys. There are four stalls in the kinder bathroom. Needless to say, there was a wait for the girls room. It was very hot. Halle is not about being uncomfortable. So 30 minutes or so later, when the teacher needed to turn in attendance and coupled that with a tour of the school so all the kids would know where the nurse and office was, Halle decided it was too hot for a walk so she would just stay in the classroom with me while I made writing packets. I wound up going on the tour of the school. Then, when they started an activity, Halle decided to join me at the work table, and got teary when I sent her back to her seat. When I left to grab something to drink & check on Tyler, she cried. this is when I returned and she wasn't working. I asked her what was wrong, she said she didn't' know what to do. So I'm going over directions, and Mrs. A-G informs me that she knows what to do, because she had turned around to tell someone else what to do. She eventually finished her assignment, and did great at lunch. Cried when I left her room to have lunch with Tyler... when I came back, still not really working. Finally Halle starts working, and almost completes the sheet before Art. She went happily to art without me, and I finished homework folders and chatted a little with her teacher. She did a little better with the activity they did afterwards, but was still more concerned with correcting the mistake the child next to her was about to make than she was with completing her own work. She went to PAC (Phoenix activity city after school program held in he gym), and wanted to stay. So I left for an hour; apparently while I was gone, Miss L. Jones (gifted 2nd grade) went
into the gym, and Halle asked her to stay 'I want an adult to watch me'... apparently Halle wasn't satisfied with the three adult staff members of the program. After we got home, I checked her backpack and her homework was missing. When I questioned her about it, she responded 'I didn't want it.' I asked, 'Where is it?' and she replied 'I put it in the trash at school.' I have explained that the homework was not an optional activity. Last night I told her what a great kindergartener she was, and then went on to explain that I would not be able to stay with her Tuesday because I had to work. She indicated she did not want to go back to school, and that she would rather stay with Crystal. She started to cry, but calmed down when I started naming some of the kids who would really miss her. First thing this morning she did not want to go to school, but by the time she was dressed she seemed fine... I took her to school and waited until she had gotten breakfast and that's all I know. I'm really curious to see how day two went. I have about another hour till school gets out and I'm just dying to know.

Friday, March 10, 2000

"The Terrorist," written by Caroline B. Cooney

Dear Mr. Corman;

I am writing this letter urging the recall of the book "The Terrorist". I am not of Islamic faith but know many who are and find the stereotypes presented in this work to be inappropriate for middle-school children, whom I understand this book is marketed to. Children of this age have often have no experience with any faith outside their own. It would be a terrible shame for any child to have his or her first impression of Islam be such a negative one. This book gives the overall impression that all Muslim people are evil and that Islam is a corrupt and invalid religious institution. The following quote: "Islam. You thought that religion was a pact between youand God, but it wasn't...Men who hated women. Men who wanted women literally locked in their clothes and their homes." particularly disturbs me as my personal experience (having been in an inter-faith relationship with a Muslim) has led me to believe no such thing. I think that this book perpetrates the false belief that many cultural abuses of women in third world countries can be attributed to Islam. I suggest that you peruse the religious tolerance web-site ( http://www.religioustolerance.org/islam.htm ) and compare the book you have published with the facts about Islam and you can see for yourself the gross misconceptions the author and you, as the publishing company, are thrusting upon a captive audience of young and impressionable pre-teens.

Thank you in advance for your kind consideration.

Thursday, March 09, 2000

More Kid-Speak

Last night I told Tyler that after his bath we would have a special treat... cheesecake (got started on calorie free thursday wednesday night...) so he got in the tub and wanted out less than five minutes later... by which time I was on the phone re: a new job opp... he's yelling for me to come wash his hair... I told him to hang on a few minutes and I'd be there. Apparently I wasn't fast enough... he got out of the tub and I heard him muttering... fine then, my hair will just have to stay dirty!

And Miss Halle has been chanting ba-ba for a few days and last night made the transition to da da!

Wednesday, March 08, 2000

Tyler-Speak

Last night I cooking corn tortillas for dinner... Tyler asked me "are we having tacos" and I said yes, and he said, "you're such a good feeder, mommie"...

I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a good cook or if he is just grateful that his sleep-deprived, absent-minded mommie remembered to actually plan something for dinner!

Also, last night he told me that I was going to die (what do they put on PBS these days?)... but that if I don't die, I won't... and that if I ever need anybody to save me, let him know...

Monday, March 06, 2000

jobs falling out of the sky

OOOH! I am feeling much love lately! Brian and I worked for Shell Vacations/Orange Tree - I left a little over a year ago, as did he. There was a huge stink with my boss (commonly referred to as the wicked bitch of the west). She basically made some very slanderous statements insinuating that he sexually harassed the female employees and cited several other admins/managers in the office and indicated I could expect to be next on his list and that she was going to take the issue to HR. Well he hadn't done anything to me but of course I was concerned - I asked one of the admins she mentioned (who was renowned around our office to be a straightforward say it like it is person) about it, and she said she didn't know what the hell my boss was talking about. Without going into much detail, I gave Brian a general idea what had been said to me. Donna wrote me up, and Brian took the issue to the Division VP, that Donna had no right to reprimand me for discussing a work related issue with him, because he was also a manager and I had the right to discuss any concerns I might have with him. Anyway, my reprimand was retracted and my boss was demoted as office manager! Y'all are probably wondering why the hell I'm telling you this, but that was all background info... I lost touch with Brian around April of last year and he got in touch with me over the weekend and asked if I'd be interested in joining his company as the Administrative manager for his department... and basically said that unless I'm making a million dollars a year he'll pay my asking price! woohoo!!! Anyway, I sent him an email with some questions... I’ll keep you posted.

Friday, March 03, 2000

Friday...

I think I forgot to mention I had some ~GREAT~ news on Monday! Tyler's dad called and said he absolutely can't wait until summer and that he'll be calling me with an itinerary for a visit in about a month. I think he's been getting a little pressure from his parents (specifically mom) not to take time off work yet. I am very happy, and have already approached Roro with him having his first weekend visit with Halle when Joel comes... I'll send my sister to her mother (for the weekend, and maybe longer) and I'll be heading somewhere... don't know where but maybe to visit Kath! Hopefully Joel will be willing to housesit (ok, the house doesn't really need watching but RaMie would probably appreciate being walked).

More on Roro... I talked with him in more detail about the fact he had the wrong back surgery... well, after I told him I didn't htink that surgery would help him, he got a 2nd opinion, and the 2nd surgeon said it was not the best surgery... so what did genius do? He let the first surgeon do it anyway! So I doubt we have grounds for a mal-practice lawsuit (LOL), but maybe we can award the first "Idiot of the Millenium" trophy... he went back to work on Wednesday and is working light duty, day shift, M-F... and he gave me some $$ last night, always happy when that happens :o)... it's not the full amount he usually gives me but after two months of getting nothing, every little bit is a lot!

Tyler has a new friend... named Jackson {where does he come up with these names? he named his doll Gus}... Jackson makes a mess in Tyler's room... but he does help clean up. Jackson is a dog... but a friendly dog. Jackson is "bigger than me"... and my sitter and I were talking to Tyler about jackson and she asked him where jackson was and he said... "in here {rubbing his tummy}... I'm going to the office for the doctor to take him out..."

Calgon? Please? Valium, anyone have some spare valium?

Monday, February 28, 2000

quick update...

I got Halle's ears peirced on Sunday! She was PISSED for about a minute and then she was fine, smiling and happy. I got her earrings with the diamond stone in the middle and pink stones all around so it looks like a flower. She looks so cute in them!

Both kids have colds, but only Tyler has pink eye... halle doesn't have it but I'm putting the drops in her eyes anyway just in case. Halle weighs 18lbs... Tyler weighs 31! I meant to check Tyler's chart to see what he weighed at 6 mos but I forgot to.

And surprise of all surprises... Roro didn't pick Halle up yesterday. I just knew that he would wait until it was a time where I wouldn't let him take her anyway, and sure enough he called at 8:15 knowing that I put her to bed at 9:00. I just started telling him about the doctor's appt and her ears and said that's all that's happened today... I didn't even bring up him picking her up (or not picking her up, as the case was)... but I'm sure he expected me to. I wish he would stop playing these games... but then what would I get my amusement from? it's all funny to me...

Friday, February 25, 2000

Thunder Perfect Mind

I am the first and the last
I am the honoured one and the scorned one
I am the whore and the holy one
Iam the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the barren oneand many are her sons
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband
and he is my offspring
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent
and the word whose appearance is multiple
I am the utterance of my name
I am knowledge I am ignorance
I am shame I am boldness
I am shameless and am ashamed
I am strength I am fearGive heed to me
I am the one who is disgraced and the great one
I am she who does not keep festival
and she whose festivals are many
I am the wisdom of the Greeks
and the knowledge of the barbarians
I am the one whose image is great in Egypt
and the one who has no image among the barbarians
I am the one who has been hated everywhere
and who has been loved everywhere
I am the one whom they call Life
and you have called Death

Wednesday, February 23, 2000

Humpday again already?

I called Roro this afternoon and told him that I am not going to file against him in court. I told him that if he wants Halle's interest to be protected that he needs to go file... I would have to take at least half a day off work to go file and he is off work right now anyway, so it's not like he doesn't have the time. I also told him that I am not going to give him something to throw in my face later, because even though he was the one who wanted me to do it, you all know how he is. I told him that it's up to him to take responsiblity for his daughter, I can't make him do it and anything he gives will be up to him, I can't make him and I'm not going to ask the courts to make him. We also got into a discussion about him not giving me anything at all, and he said that he's broke and doesn't have anything to give me... I said I won't touch that... but he pressed it so I said, what about your cell phone? he said that's only $29, what would $29 do for you? I said, buy a case of diapers at sam's club which would last the baby almost a month, buy 3 cans of formula which would last two weeks... he said that if I needed formula or diapers I should have said so and he would get them... I said I shouldn't have to ask, you should just do it or at least offer or ask if I need anything. If you have an extra $29 it should go to your daughter before it goes to AT&T.

I am thinking I'm sending my sis back to my mom. I am tired of repeating myself, tired of $$ mysteriously disappearing, tired of everything...

Tuesday, February 15, 2000

Going to court... eeewwwww

UGH!!! I just got off the phone with Roro... and I was in such a good mood. He had his preliminary hearing with Sandy this morning, who downright stuttered over his box of receipts... :o) They have 30 days to work out a visitation/custody agreement, and then they go back to court and the judge will determine child support and/or custody if they haven't worked something out. In this 30 days Roro wants me to file against him for child support... {picture me stomping, kicking pulling hair, gnashing teeth. I do not want to go to court - DCSE does not live in my house and I don't want it involved in my life! We are all adults, dammit!} He also wants to Halle and Brianna's visitation with him to coincide so that they can be together as well. I told him that I think as long as he wants their visitations to be together, that is a conversation the three of us should have together. He agreed but said not now... I am sure that Sandy is pissed. The advisor told her that it would be in her best interest to work something out with Roro because the judge will not give her sole custody, that sole custody is usually only given when the parent is delinquent (a drunk, drug addict, abusive, etc). So he'll get joint, and she won't be able to cut Bri's hair, pierce her ears, move, change her phone number, without letting him know and getting his agreement. I doubt she's in the mood to discuss anything. Hopefully she'll CHILL THE F#CK OUT before this 30 days is up. Baby momma drama, y'all!

Monday, February 14, 2000

Weekend alone...

I went out Friday night (part of my efforts to move on). I had fun, was on pins & needles waiting for Roro to show up at the club but he didn't. I met a guy, Mark, who was very nice, gave me his phone number (and didn't ask for mine, 10 points, buddy!) and didn't grope me on the dance floor. Tree was there, however (Roro's BF) and I am surprised that he hasn't told Roro he saw me, and even more surprised that if he did, Roro hasn't said anything to me. And except for calling me Thursday wanting tickets, he hasn't called at any inappropriate times. Of course, I find it interesting that since I told him to leave me alone and that he needs to spend time w/Halle on his own he hasn't been by to pick her up. Saturday afternoon when he finally got in touch with me he wanted to know where we'd been, that he had wanted to come get her. Of course, he never called my cell phone, it just so happens I was two miles away from his house at the Chinese Cultural Festival and could have easily dropped her off. Same thing Sunday, he called in the afternoon while she was napping. He needs to get it through his head that he can't just wing through anymore. He needs to make reservations. Our time is valuable.

Thursday, February 10, 2000

The Talk

My head is throbbing, my eyes are burning, my stomach is queasy and I overall feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I am operating on barely three hours of sleep, and very restless sleep at that. Roro and I had the infamous talk last night. I started out by apologizing to him for saying that I didn’t need him and explained that I had said that to disabuse him of the notion that I was trying to trap him into a relationship or have a baby just to get money from him. I told him that I never meant to make him feel like he wasn’t important or that I didn’t want him to be around. Then he asked what else was on my mind, and I said I wish you would tell me what you want from me. He was quiet for a minute and said what do you want me to tell you… DUH! We started talking and he said that he wasn’t happy with himself and that he knew he couldn’t make anyone else happy and that he frequently took out his frustrations on others and that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now, he rambled a lot, and also said that he wasn’t just using me for sex and that he wasn’t trying to lead me on. I told him that I can understand that but if you can’t give me what I want (he interjects here… you’ll find someone else who will) and I said no, if you can’t give me what I want I need you to back off me. I said to him, we are not two strangers/acquaintances who are just hanging out and having sex, we'll never be able to go back to that casual kind of relationship. We have a baby and a history and I care a lot about you. I explained that there are two different kinds of relationships – a relationship where two people care about each other and are committed to each other and then there is the relationship where two people just fuck. He asked me what relationship I was in, and I said I am in a relationship with someone and we just fuck and that’s not the relationshp I want to be in. He said that he wouldn’t bother me that way anymore, and I asked him if he realized how many times he’s said that to me? I explained to him that he is really the only person I’m comfortable spending time with right now because Halle is so little and Tyler is so grown and my time is so limited, and that it was a very lonely time for me and that it was very hard for me to say no to him and that by putting me in that position, can’t he see that just by approaching me he is leading me on? And then I told him that I don’t want to have these kinds of feelings for you where I have nightmares about busting you cheating… and then we got into a discussion about this recurring nightmare I’ve been having ever since he came back from England where I walk into a room and catch him having sex w/another woman. He got defensive because he's never cheated and I got frustrated because he's not LISTENING to me or making any effort to understand how insecure I am in this situation, so I started listing all the things that he shouldn’t have done which escalated into him throwing out his “American women are never satisfied” and “if you want to go to court we can go to court” (I have NEVER in the 14mos of our parenting relationship said I wanted to go to court… but “all” American women do so we can if I want) and that all American women want is child support anyway. I threw in a few statements about him taking responsibility for himself and stop using the fact that he’s made some crummy choices in women as an excusefor everything that hasn't gone right for him and that he might want to wake up and realize that he didn’t live back home anymore. And of course once I started bringing up his mistakes he didn’t want to “talk about this shit anymore because it’s in the past”. I took a few deep breaths and said I knew that I’d brought this up before but that I really feel like it’s time for us to start separating Halle’s visitation… he asked me to explain and I said I think you should start spending time with her here at your house and not at mine. He said that’s a good idea. Then he said “anything else” and I asked him not to call my house after 10PM anymore and not to stop by without calling. He said fine, and I started to get up and leave and he throws out… don’t call me unless it’s an emergency. I said fine and kept going, and he added don’t call to tell me when she does something, only call if it’s an emergency. I said OK and left. I heard him open the door so I know he was watching me leave. I don’t know if he was expecting me to come running back, or probably thinking I’d break down in tears as soon as I got outside but I’ll be damned before giving him the satisfaction. I waited till I was pulling out of the parking lot ;o) Anyway, that was the talk and I am mourning now too. If he chooses to be unhappy with his life that’s fine, but I’m pretty happy with mine and I’m not going to let him drag me down with him. So now I have to find my DIVA self. But first things first I need to have a REALLY good cry. {sigh} I’ll just have to find the time.

Tuesday, February 08, 2000

Tiamat, Mummu and the formless creating Sea

Among the ancient cuneiform poems that have been discovered in the last century and a half, the Babylonian Creation Epic (dated about 2500 BCE) caused excitement among biblical commentators in our late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. They were able to use this poem to show extraordinary similarities with the Genesis creation story. Today feminist theologians use it to review material that until recently has been overlooked or discounted. The creation myth, named the ‘Enuma Elish’ (When on high), like Genesis begins with an account of pre-creation.

When on high were not raised the heavens
And also below on earth a plant had not grown up
Alone there existed primordial Apsu, who engendered them
Only Mummu and Tiamat who brought them all forth
Their waters could mix together in a single stream
In the depths of their waters were the gods created.

There are references to ‘the chaos Tiamat’ who was ‘the producing mother of all of them’. She is referred to as a sea monster, a chaos monster and ‘the deep’. There is a Babylonian depiction of her as a dragon.

The Epic describes her story. Creation of the gods comes first, from her body; then there is dissension between them. Eventually her descendant Marduk with his various friends manages to kill her and tear her apart. He gives the various divisions of her body to his friends and each of these becomes master of some part of the universe created from Tiamat.

Whether Tiamat ‘alone’ created the world, or with the help of Mummu, an enigmatic figure – sometimes female sometimes male – and with Apsu, god of the sweet waters as engendering father, depends on the text. Mummu, whose name is related to the word for mother in almost all languages, appears to be an aspect of Tiamat described as a ‘chaos monster’. The primeval sea, her home, has been understood by numerous ancient writers to be the origin of life.

The concept of Tiamat as a dragon indicates a vision of totality, thus encompassing the four elements 0f a dragon is amphibian, living in both sea and on land; it breathes fire and air. The formless deep which is the body of Tiamat contains everything within it necessary for life – and she herself creates various forms and monsters during the battle with Marduk.

In addition to this totality – a wholeness without form – Tiamat is described as ‘holding the Tablets of Destiny’ which appear to symbolize supreme knowledge of the world and its future.

The Enuma Elish describes how the god Marduk assembles a force to overcome Tiamat and Mummu, in order to become lord of the universe and possess the Tablets. After a horrific battle he is successful. How he kills Tiamat and the way he disassembles the various parts of her body and builds the different areas of the universe from them have been widely commented upon, as has the possible relationship of Tiamat to the Hebrew Tehom (the ‘void’, Genesis 1:2), and the idea that she was an alternative source of creation which must, in the Hebrew bible, be shown to have been vanquished.

Until recently, there was a general consensus among scholars that the dismembering of the ‘chaos dragon’ brought about what Jacobsen (1946) called ‘the fundamentals of world order’. The separation of her various parts and labeling them, as areas of the world, and putting them under the dominion of various lords has, Jacobsen suggests, contributed to the orderly control of Nature. Today, this is no longer a unanimous view, owing to the reappraisal by female scholars. Mary Daly (1979) uncompromisingly names the Tiamat-Marduk story as a ‘sado-ritual syndrome enactment of goddess murder’. Ruby Rohrlich-Leavitt (1977), documenting the consolidation of the state into the hands of a male elite in Sumer during the fourth millennium BCE draws attention to the relevance of the murder of Tiamat and its methods to ways in which force and violence were used to enslave women of the period.

In fact, Tiamat stands out not, as Jacobsen believes, as a symbol of passivity and inaction, but of wholeness and totality. She is the creator goddess from whom all beings emerge, and further, she is the keeper of the tablets of destiny. The later Babylonian priest Berosus, naming her as the ‘woman Omoroka’, praises her as Mistress of Incantations and Mistress of the Moon. ‘The Coil of Tiamat’ is part of certain Kabbalistic doctrines, reflecting echoes of ancient mysteries. N K Sandars 91971) points out that the Babylonian hymns, whilst recounting Tiamat’s defeat, also intimate that she is never really destroyed. The Hymn of Praise exhorts Tiamat to ‘recede into the future…till time of old’. Durdin-Robertson (1975) reflects that the zoomorphic beings of Tiamat’s creation are probably considered to be prototypes of the present Western zodiac, and connect with the well-known Chaldean (Babylonian) skills of astrology and astronomy.

Thus Tiamat comes well within the definition of a Wisdom goddess; creator of the gods, possessor and keeper of the Tablets of Destiny, repository of magical and intellectual powers, and with even a hint of immortality. That she lives in, and is goddess off, salt water gives the idea of the sea as the source of life.

Excerpted from : In a Chariot Drawn by Lions, Wisdom Goddesses in the Ancient Near East, Ch. 6

Friday, February 04, 2000

on that job opportunity...

I've pretty much passed on it already. The hours for the job are 7:00AM to 4:30PM. Can't do it. Add that to the commute and my day away from the kids would increase by about 2 hours. No money is worth it. Sam was supposed to get back to me yesterday about the hours, I told him it was not possible for me to be there by 7A anyway, Tyler's preschool he'll start soon doesn't even open till 7.

Queenie Mama

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PHX, AZ, United States
I’m a thirty-something Unitarian Universalist-urban-professional-hippie-ghetto-trailer park-country-anti-racist-pro-choice-standing on the side of love-1983 station wagon driving-single-ADHD-volleyball/boxing/wrestling mom of three multiracial children and two bad-ass dogs.

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