Another Tyler Brag

Well, here's a short post for a change. Tyler brought home his 8th consecutive perfect attendance award for last quarter, and also an award for making the Silver Honor Roll.

Rapping at the speed of sound...

Well, due to popular demand I pulled out Tyler's space book and got him to tell me what he had about to say. First of all, there was a typo in my other post... the paragraph should have read, the shuttle can travel much faster than the speed of sound.

So Tyler's question was... if you were the fastest rapper in the galaxy, would the shuttle get to outer space before you could say even one word. So we talked a little bit about the speed of sound... and we determined, that if the shuttle took off at the same time the fastest rapper in the galaxy started to rap, the shuttle would get to space, much faster than the sound of the rapper's voice. At least, I think that's how it works.

It really sucks to have a kid smarter than you are.

After I got home last night and got the girls in bed, I asked Tyler if he'd read any of the 'How to Become an Astronaut 101' articles I'd given him. He said, yeah... I learned a bunch of stuff I didn't know. I showed him some of the stuff I printed about the Civil Air Patrol, and had him read it, then asked him, do you think that's something you'd like to do? And he looked at me and said

I am going to do that.

And we talked a little bit about how it is soooo hard to become an astronaut... so he will have to work very hard starting now, but that even if he can't be an astronaut, there are still lots of other jobs he could do at NASA. He thought I meant he had to get a job now. I told him, no... that means you have to work hard in math and science. And you have to be a certain height (he cried, OH NO, I said don't worry... it's not really tall and he sighed, Oh, good!), so you have to eat right so your body has fuel to grow. You have to make sure you never ever do drugs, because drugs can hurt your body so badly. He brings up that, drugs are medicine.

So then we get into this discussion about legal and illegal drugs. There are prescription drugs that you get from a doctor that you need to help your body, but there are other drugs that are not legal, and it's not legal to take Rx drugs that are not yours. I remind him that some drugs are so dangerous that you can die the very first time you take them. I told him that I'd never done any drugs, so I knew he could NOT do drugs too. I told him how a lot of poeple I went to school with did drugs. He wanted to know how old... I said 13 or 14. He was puzzled, then said... '13 is too young to do drugs. They should have waited until they were 20... or maybe 30.' I was laughing on the inside, but I told him it was not good to do drugs no matter how old you are, but I agreed that 13 was definitely way too young.

Then we started talking about marijuana... I told him that pot kills brain cells so every time you smoke marijuana, you get dumber. I told him that one of the girls I went to school with smoked a lot of marijuana, and she didn't graduate from high school... didn't even finish 9th grade, and now she works at a gas station... and that she wouldn't even be able to get a job mopping floors at NASA.

THEN... Tyler says, 'so that's what nana does, right?' So then I needed to explain the difference in tobacco cigarettes and marijuana cigarettes... one gives you lung cancer, and the other is bad for your lungs, AND it makes you stupid. I am so bad... I'm gonna scar this kid, I swear.

So then he wants to know about other drugs, so I told him about a few, including street names. Now he wants to know what they look like, so he can stay away from them. I told him, we'll work on learning how to recognize them, but you remember these five things and you will be fine...

1. Never EVER take a pill from a friend, even if they say it's just aspirin. Don't swallow any pills unless me, Ro, your dad, or a school nurse gives them to you.
2. Never EVER smoke anything. Smoking is always bad for your lungs, and you never know what other drugs might be crushed inside.
3. Never EVER snort any kind of powder.
4. Never EVER put a needle in your arm.
5. Never EVER breathe in any chemicals.

I think it was the water...

regarding my post on testosterone poisoning... Phoenix had a problem with potable water and there was a ban on using it for consumption all day yesterday and most of today... and I think that might have been the problem. I wonder if he got some bad water before we heard about it. They cleared the water for drinking today. Tonight, Ro kept the kids while I went to Site Council and PTSO meetings at the school for two hours. While I was gone, he fed the kids the burgers I brought, made himself something to eat, cleaned up after the kids, took the diapers I bought and put them all in the basket where I keep the diapers, and gave the kids a snack. He left the house not too long after I got home, but before he went he put his leftover food in the fridge and told me to leave the pan; he'd take care of it.

Careers in Space...

Well, the goal of being an astronaut is kinda like wanting to be a professional basketball player... The number of people who make it that far is very very small. I had read, on one of my 2E lists, where one parent told another that if her son really wanted to work for NASA, not to ever give him meds for ADHD, because that would disqualify him from entry into the program. I've heard the same thing about military service. If I hadn't read that, I probably would have thought Wow, Tyler... that's a great goal. Good for you. And left it at that. So when I started looking at the requirements to see what it said about ADHD and if what I'd heard was fact or rumor, I saw the flight hours required to be considered for the space program. It's a lot and would be very difficult to accomplish as a civilian... the easiest way to get the hours is to be either a commercial or military pilot. Now, Tyler has been interested in space for a while, and his 2nd grade teacher made a comment last year to tell me to make sure he takes AP math classes and that she thinks he should work in the space program, perhaps as an engineer. So I'd already looked into the fact that the high school that is our 'home' school has an aviation and aerospace magnate. I contacted them yesterday and asked them to send me a brochure.

So, if you don't already think I've gone over the top, you will now that I tell you that I've not only emailed the high school, I've also emailed NASA, and the US Coast Guard. I've discovered that Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University has a campus in Prescott AZ, and that UofA is one of the consortium schools NASA gives grants to. Scouting is strongly recommended, but I just don't think I can do boy scouts so I've discovered that the Civil Air Patrol (which is thru the air force) has a cadet program that focuses on and volunteer work and aerospace education opportunities, and Tyler can join that at 12. I've probably printed a ream of paper for him to start reading... not all at once of course, but bit by bit, so that he can have an idea of the work involved if he really wants to do this.

The way I figure it, there is NOTHING that he would do to try and get into the space program that would be a waste of his time or that wouldn't be of use to him whatever his career choice. My plan is to encourage him to do all the things he would need to do, because frankly, you really have to start preparing for a career in space in grade school, starting the with basics of science and math. If worse comes to worse, he just finds a job working for NASA but isn't in the space program, that's still fantastic and that will still make him very happy. In the meantime, I can hold onto the hope that he'll be busy enough preparing for this career that he'll stay out of a lot of the trouble that appeals to boys... especially ADHD boys.

Testosterone Poisoning...

Roro had testosterone poisoning last night. It involved a video game. 8 hours worth. It just made for a very long, angry night. He's been in a funk ever since he came back from England, which is a pretty normal 'cycle' for him... but it's not what I want to be dealing with right now.

Anyway, he started playing this game last night at about 5PM. I asked him probably half a dozen times to get Daija out of my way while I made dinner. And he has this appt with immigration tomorrow. We talked while he was in England about this letter I was going to help him with. Well, either he wasn't home or neither he nor I would think of it when he was. We were supposed to get it out of the way last night. So in about hour three of the video game, I go in and say, 'I have this list of 8 things that need to be done. If you want my help with this letter, tell me what you can take care of.' Without missing a keystroke, he says, 'Don’t worry about the letter' and continues to play the game. I get the kids in bed, and go into the room to get my shoes (I need dryer sheets) and he says to me, 'if you're going to the store, go now'. I lost my patience then and asked him if he minded if I didn't go barefoot. Then while I'm at Safeway, he calls me and asks me to get honey. I told him I wouldn't buy honey to save him from starving and hung up. And can you believe when I got home he was upset that I hung up on him? He never said anything about the honey I didn't buy. Oh, and btw, he didn't turn off that game until 1AM… and I know this because he was playing it right next to me in the bed. Well, he was lying in the bedroom watching cartoons with Daija when I got home... that's where he was at 5 when he started playing, that's where he STILL was at 10 when I crawled in bed. Couldn’t move and miss a keystroke. It actually didn't keep me awake; I just woke up when he started his usual 'I can't get comfortable' side-to-side toss. The fact that 5PM to 1AM is 8 hours pissed me off.

Tonight, he offered to buy pizza (which I took him up on when I discovered my hamburger was still frozen) and although he was glued to a basketball game, he did keep Daija out of the way... even changed her diaper without prompting. However, at about 7 he fell asleep, which he is still doing now.

Can You Hear a Shout in Space?

Tyler was reading this book last week called 'Can You Hear a Shout in Space' and there was this section that talked about the speed of sound... and Tyler got this intense look on his face, and said 'So if you were the FASTEST rapper on the planet...' and then the poor kid saw me biting my lip to keep a straight face and said 'never mind...' I really wish I knew what he had been about to say. A night or two later he was reading this part about astronauts and it was talking about who can become and astronaut. I walked into his room to check on him, and he told me that his new motto is' Less playing, more learning', and went back to that page and had me read it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he can probably work for NASA if he works hard enough, but his condition and meds will probably make being an astronaut unlikely.

I consider ADHD a neurological disorder, but a lot of people lump it with depression, bipolar, and other mood disorders... not sure what NASA does. And depending on how you read the requirements, ADHD could easily fall into a category that could be excluded... for example, while it doesn't spell out ADHD, the section on psychosis does say...

(i) The individual has manifested delusions, hallucinations, grossly bizarre or
disorganized behavior, or other commonly accepted symptoms of this condition; or
(ii) The individual may reasonably be expected to manifest delusions,
hallucinations, grossly bizarre or disorganized behavior, or other commonly
accepted symptoms of this condition.

and under the neurological portion, it says:

(b) No other seizure disorder, disturbance of consciousness, or neurological
condition that the Federal Air Surgeon, based on the case history and
appropriate, qualified medical judgment relating to the condition involved,
finds--
(1) Makes the person unable to safely perform the duties or exercise
the privileges of the airman certificate applied for or held; or
(2) May reasonably be expected, for the maximum duration of the airman medical
certificate applied for or held, to make the person unable to perform those
duties or exercise those privileges.

Someone who is unable to focus their attention or control their impulses can pose a safety risk to others, so even though this really sucks for my kid, I can see the logic behind it. I.E., research has shown that people with ADHD have more car accidents; There are quite a few parents on my 2E list who have teenagers who are a risk to themselves and other behind the wheel of a car, or who were able to get through school w/o meds but need them to drive safely. I'm just not sure if someone taking meds to control it are OK... or if the drugs taken are a problem as well. And I'm not sure how far back this stuff is looked at... but the impression I got is, it counts. I'm just having a hard time confirming anything that spells out what ADHD is considered in the framework of their requirements. I imagine I'm just going to have to email NASA to find out.

What a morning!!!

OK, so Ro was planning on keeping Daija at home this week. Last night he says to me, he wants to go to car dealership in the AM to see about trading in the Escalade, so can I take Daija to the sitter in the AM? I say sure. So this morning, I oversleep. Wake up about five minutes after I usually leave the house. Not too terrible, I can rush and get to work without being too terribly late. Until I remember, that I do not have the option of skipping breakfast, as I need to take my Strattera and since it made Tyler puke if he had it before eating I don't want to take any chances on that count. OK... that puts a minor kink in the works, but we're all still doing pretty good time wise. But at 7:30, the doorbell rings. Who would be ringing my bell at 7:30 you may wonder? The countertop people, who I scheduled to come this week assuming Ro would be at the house, but forgot to mention to him, and of course who never crossed my mind last night. So I had to hang out while they ripped out my sink and countertops to take totheir shop to refinish/laminate. Fantastic. Didn't leave the house till 7:55, which meant I had to go to the kids school, which is only five miles from work, first so they don't miss breakfast/aren't late to class and then backtrack two miles the other side of my house to drop off Daija... oh and pick up my lunch which I forgot. All the while stressing about these countertop people who will need to come back to the house to reinstall, and then of course a plumber has to come put my sink back in. ARGH. Fortunately, I got in touch with Ro and he was able to meet them at the house and wait for the plumber, which helped, but I was over an hour late for work.

Strattera: Day 3

So on day three of my initial dose (there are three doses to start with to get you to what the minimal optimal dosage should be; it's a gradual buildup and you are to take each one for 4-7 days. I think I'm going to be conservative and take each dose for the full seven days). I don't feel 'different' like I did yesterday and Monday, I think I am 'adjusting' to the dosage I'm taking this week, but that may also have been some caffeine withdrawal, since I had to cut back the caffeine to avoid it interfering with the effectivity of the Strattera. Not a lot that I said to Dr. Thomas seemed to shock him, until I divulged how much diet coke I drink. I think the last few days I've probably had no more than 1/3 of what I usually drink. Finding that lime flavored water is really saving my behind... drinking the bubbles kinda gets me over the craving. I also usually walk down to the cafeteria to get ice for it, which takes care of the times I would go get a drink or snack just to walk away from my desk for a few minutes.

And, I'm on my call as I type this and I have thus managed to respond to two inquiries without being prompted a coupla times :)

Psychiatrist Visit

I saw Dr. Thomas yesterday and talked to him about the problems I'm having as well as the behaviors that made me hit so high on OCD; basically, the behaviors that appear OCD aren't so much that I'm afraid something bad will happen if I don't do certain things, it's more behaviors I've adapted to compensate for the ADD (for example, I am constantly checking for my keys, I can't close my car door unless my keys are in my hand, I can't walk away from my desk unless my keys are in my hand, I go to wash dishes and notice that the garbage disposal switch is dirty, so then I need to clean all the light plates in the house because if I don't do it NOW it won't get done... then I notice the wall around the light plate is dirty, I wash that too... then I notice the door jams and the doors are dirty... now all my light plates, walls, doors are clean but I'm exhausted and there are still no clean dishes). I told him about how it seems like the more the kids need of me, the less able I am to handle the household and perform adequately at work... and that I'd like to take the next step in my department, but I am really concerned that I won't be able to do the job adequately because of the nature of the job. He feels that I'm definitely doing everything he would suggest to someone with my condition/in my situation. He gave me some Strattera samples to try, which I started yesterday. They take a while to build up, unlike stimulant meds, but I definitely feel different... I can't exactly describe how. But for the first time in I can't remember how long, I was able to keep up with my morning meeting and not have my named called twice every time one of my requirements came up in the report. I wasn't focused on the meeting completely; I was reading the paper online like I usually do, but I was still able to keep part of my mind focused enough on what was going on in the meeting to be prepared when they needed my updates on certain parts.

Quotable Quote

"Why should any of us be confined within a single area of religious culture? When I read Amos and Jeremiah, I say 'Would to God I were a Jew.' When I read the Parable of the Good Samaritan, I say 'Would I were a Galilean.' When I read the 13th of 1st Corinthians, I wish with all my heart that I might be a Christian after the manner of the Apostle Paul. When I think of Buddha and his Eightfold Path, I say, 'I, too, would be a Buddhist.' And when I remember the trial of Socrates, I say in awe but with exalted spirit, 'Oh that I might be so brave a humanist.' And thus at the end, there is nothing I can say but that, like Emerson and Channing, I want to live with the privilege of the illimitable mind."

-- A. Powell Davies

Kid-Speak: This is backwards & other news

My little princess was cracking me up the other day. She was trying to tell me something and apparentl forgot the word 'yesterday' Halle: Mommy, do you remember... that day. The other day. Not today. Then in frustration, with wild hand gestures to indicate a reverse in time, she says 'not THIS day... this is backwards' It was just so funny to see her searching for the right word.

And then Daija just threw me for a LOOP before dinner tonight. The table was mostly set, and I asked the kids to grab cups and napkins while I changed out of my work clothes. I'm just finishing and Halle comes in to tell me that Daija poured milk in her cup and spilled some. Visions of a gallon of milk on the already semi-sticky floor prance in my head. As I walk into the kitchen, I say, 'You guys can't leave the milk down here where she can get it', releived that there is only a fist sized puddle of milk on the table bench. Halle says, 'We didn't leave it there... she got it herself.' THAT'S RIGHT! Daija, my 2 years and three week old munchkin, got herself a cup, got out a GALLON JUG (3/4 empty) of milk, and poured herself a glass, 3/4 full, and only spilled that little bit. I turned to go grab a towel, and see this same little munchkin pulling the step stool out from under the sink, and as she steps on to it (looking, I assume, for the dishcloth), she comments to me, 'Mama, mess.' I got the dishcloth for her and she took it and wiped up every drop. Isn't she amazing?

And news on my little man... he got his report card home today (wonder where Halle's is?) and He his grades are all 1/2's (a/b's) in the sections he gets graded work, and almost all S's in the other areas (PE, Music, Library, citizenship, etc), with the exception of Art, where he got an E for excellent and 'works to complete tasks', where he got an I (a C equivalent). His teacher wrote a not that he had done very well this quarter and that she hoped her maternity leave wouldn't be too big of a change for him. My heart was truly warmed by that, as well as the follow up conversation she and I had after the incident last week.

Oh, and I finally found all the paperwork I needed for that packet for the AZ Child Study Center, so I can drop that off hopefully tomorrow and get on their schedule for last this spring or early summer.

So, the results are in...

Is it a bad sign when, at the end of your first session with a therapist, if he turns to you and says,

I'm going to recommend that you see a good psychiatrist.

With emphasis on the word good. Like a regular old, run of the mill, average skill psychiatrist just couldn't help me.

All smart comments aside... I'm showing moderate signs of depression, which probably isn't surprising. I show most of the DSM signs of ADD, which is what I think the problem is. But the thing that hit me clear out of the blue, is that on the behavoiral symptoms index I filled out, my ratings for obessive compulsive order are 16... anything 7 or under is considered normal. I commented to him, 'I'd expect my house to be a lot cleaner if I had OCD.'

So he thinks I need someone really sharp to make a differentiating diagnosis. I think I've been trying to hard to manage ADD that I probably appear really OCD.

Nana Update

Got a call from my mom... my nana is home. I still don't have any details about anything than I did before, which is frustrating, but I'm really happy she's home.

'Uh oh, Mama knock!'

Today I put about 15 boxes of varying sizes on the front porch for a charity pick up. The kids were playing outside while I was moving the boxes from the garage to the porch. Tyler and Halle went inside before I was done, and Daija stuck around with me. I was just rearranging the things in the garage and she was going in and out of the garage door. Just as I was closing the garage, I thought I heard a click. Sure enough, Daija had locked it. I could hear her trying to unlock it and tugging on the door, trying to get it to open. After a few seconds I realized I might be waiting for a while, so I knocked. Then I heard her cute little voice

"Uh oh, Mama knock!"

Unfortunately, the kids were in the back and Crystal had her headphones on. I knocked louder, and I heard the pitter patter of Daija's little feet running. She ran to Crystal, and tugged on her pants and pointed to the back door. Crystal asked her 'what?' and Daija tugged her again. That's when she finally heard the knocking. I hear Daija's litle feet running back to the door, and her breathless "Mama!"

Thank goodness Daija loves me... I might have been out there for a LONG time otherwise!

REAL FEET!!!

OK, of all the things I could be really stoked about, Mattel is making a Barbie™ with REAL FEET. As in, a size proportionate to a real person. With normal arches. And toes. You don’t believe me? Check out the Cali Girl™ Friends. It gets better. It may be my imagination or some wishful thinking, but Cali Girl’s hips seem a little wider than Barbie’s. And her chest… a tad smaller. Her thighs are still anorexic, but overall, the body shape is an improvement. And the very bestest, bestest part? They’re starting to make the dolls so that they look like there is actually some racial and ethnic diversity. Christie, the ‘Black Barbie’, actually has curly textured hair. Summer, who could be a number of ethnicities with her caramel tan, also has curly (not wavy) hair. I think I just rediscovered my childhood passion!

The kids had gift certificates for Target and Wal-Mart and I think I have the three happiest kids on earth tonight. Tyler and Halle especially loved picking our their own stuff!!! Mattel made a killing off Halle. She started off with the Christie Cali Girl and a My Little Pony toy set. She and I were so enchanted with Christie’s curly hair and painted toenails that when we went to Wal-Mart, she passed right by the dreaded Bratz section. First time in over a year she hasn’t begged me for a doll. She picked out the Barbie Cali Girl® (who unfortunately does have the feet that look like they were bound and then stuffed into nine inch high heels and left there for the last five decades) and the 4x4 Beach Car®. We also got the Riding Club Summer® and Lea® dolls. She’s been playing with them all night. Daija loved Halle’s My Little Pony so much that I got her a Cabbage Patch Pony. She also got two sets of ‘fake food’ and a set of dishes. She’s fed her dolls everything from grapes to hot dogs to cookies. She also got a Bear in the Big Blue House DVD that has several shows on using the toilet… I put that on continuous play as soon as we got home. Tyler picked out a set of Spy Vision Goggles, and of course with his larger gift cert, he headed straight for electronics. Picked up some batteries for the goggles, a set of ear buds, and Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams®, which seems like a pretty cool game. I tried to access a really detailed description since the one on the box was pretty sketchy and I like to know what exactly he’s doing… but I got blocked by my own firewall!!!

Nana Update

Finally, I have an update! My grandmother has emphysema, which we knew. She started breathing better as soon as they got her on oxygen; my mom said something about keeping an oxygen tank with her. I don't know if that was actually a suggestion from her doctor or my mother just thinking it sounds like a good idea. Her blood pressure is a little high, as is her cholesterol. There is also fat in her liver. She likes to go out every morning for coffee and breakfast at 'home style' restaurants... Denny's, Coco's, or any similar greasy spoon Mom & Pop joint. She frequently eats lunch at the same kind of place. I've been griping at her about it for years. So that's finally catching up with her. Now, the dark spot on the CT scan - it's not on her lung, as they thought, it's an aneurism on her right aorta. She also has an irregular heartbeat. I'm not sure if this is new, or if she just didn't tell anyone. They have her on a new med for the irregular beat and back on a blood thinner again. She'll need to see her primary doc every three-six months to have that aneurism monitored.

No details on why they want to ultrasound her stomach, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that she had a major intestinal blockage not long ago (she was hospitalized for that too). She's stubborn as anything so I don't imagine she's done much to improve her diet since that little escapade.

Oooh, DRAMA.

There was a little drama in Tyler's class today. Apparently one of the children, J., told Ms. Librarian to shut up. I was floored to hear that. But that's just where the drama started. Apparently two of the girls, afterwards, were making a list of the 'bad kids' for Ms. Teacher (they had a sub), and included J's name. J. went to erase his name and T., who Tyler lists as a 'best friend' said something to him, and apparently J. pushed her. Mr. Substitute witnessed this, and apparently J. ran out of the classroom but came right back. When J. came back, Tyler, who tends to be overprotective when it comes to girls, he told J. that he was going to tell on him. J. flipped him off and called him a f***er. Tyler then proceeded to write a note to Mrs. Teacher.

Dear Ms. Teacher,
J. pushed T.! He ran out of the classroom! He said fuk to me! He told Ms. Librarian to shut up to! If you give him refurl, I would be so thankful!

Your student,

Tyler

I am just more floored by the minute. I'm trying to peice this all together and Ms. Librarian heard what J. said. Mr. Substitute saw what J. did. While what J. did both in the library and the classroom was very wrong, Tyler inflamed the situation and diverted some wrath to himself. Tyler tends to be sensitive, but apparently no one came to his defense when J. made the rude comment; they just all made the 'ooooh' sound, but not 'oooh', like J. did something bad, 'oooh ' like 'he told you'. I tried to explain to Tyler that while J. was definitely in the wrong, and it was good of Tyler to want to stand up for T., there is a difference between telling and tattling. The grown ups in charge already were handling the situation, and to threaten to tell on J. when he was already upset, was not necessary. It would be appropriate for him to have told the adult in charge if no one saw J. push T., but that since the adults already had J.'s actions under control, Tyler has no reason to get involved, as the staff will surely let Mrs. Teacher know what happened. We discussed how J. is normally a pretty nice kid who(as far as Tyler knows) has never been in trouble, never picked on anybody, never called anybody a name. We talked about how everyone has bad days and some examples of mistakes he's made when he was upset or angry. I asked him, how he would feel if he was having a really terrible day and made a BIG mistake that he was probably going to get into a lot of trouble for. Then I asked him how he would feel, in that situation, if someone he thought of as a friend, or at least had never had any problems with, was going to rat him out on top of that, even though he was already in a lot of trouble. I explained that threatening to tell on him at that point was totally unnecessary and very unkind. It's obvious he didn't understand that his actions weren't going to help the situation in any way shape or form; he seemed to think he was doing all the adults around him a favor by breaking it down for them. We talked about giving Mrs. Teacher the note as written. I told him he did not need to tell Mrs. Teacher about the library incident or the shoving. Neither happened to him, and the adults in charge already handled it. He still wanted to tell her about what J. said to him since Mr. Substitute hadn't heard that, and I asked him if he also planned to tell Mrs. Teacher about what he had done, that led to J. making the rude gesture and calling him a bad name. Tyler had been so full of righteous indignation, and he just cried. He told me that he feels like what everybody says he is (stupid, which is a whole 'notha story) and that he wishes he wasn't born. It broke my heart; I hate to see him hurting and I know he is probably feeling as out of step socially as I did (and still do half the time). I don't know if there was a better way I could have explained this to him. I asked him, if you write another note to Mrs. Teacher, do you think that it will make things better between you and J.? And he said no. I asked him if he wrote this letter to Mrs. Teacher, what did he want her to do with it? And he said 'nothing, really.' I asked him, 'Do you think J. should be in any more trouble than he already is?' and Tyler said no. I asked, 'Do you want J. to be punished for it?' and Tyler said 'Not really.' I told him that I thought the best thing for him, and for his friendship with J., would be to say, 'I'm sorry I said I was going to tell on you, and it really upset me when you called me a bad name.' Tyler said J. wouldn't listen. Apparently at some point J. apologized to T. for pushing her, but Tyler informed him that HE would not accept J.'s apology. I asked T. if maybe he just wanted to let it go and forgive it, even if J. didn't want to talk it out, since we know that J. is normally a pretty good kid who he has never had a problem with, and he said that's what he wanted to do.

I'm hoping he's feeling better about this now but I am still very worried.

Mojo, please.

Y'all know I don't ask for the good stuff real often, but if you can send something up to my Nana it would mean the world to me. My mom called this morning to tell me Steve (her husband) took my nana to the ER around 3AM this morning because either she couldn't breathe, or was having trouble breathing. There was a dark spot on her lung in one of the X-rays and they're sending her for a CT scan. I don't have a whole lot of details other than that; my mom is actually on the road right now so I'm getting third hand info from her.

I know it could be a lot of things... scar tissue from TB if she ever had that or maybe something left over from when she had pneumonia... but she's smoked for thirty or forty years now and is in her late 70's, so even if it wasn't something so terrible as lung cancer, at her age, anything can get serious real quickly. So whatever it is you do (hands and knees prayer, healing meditations, get nekkid and dance around a candle, you know, whatever)... think of her while you're doing it. I'd probably be a high school drop out living in a trailer park in kansas with seven kids on welfare right now if it wasn't for my nana.

Tyler's Dr. Appt

Today we met with Dr. Shoptaugh and discussed Tyler's sudden drop in appetite and what is probably rather minor bouts with being unable to fall asleep, as well as my big concern: He is beginning to express obessive or paranoid thoughts that no one likes him, that everyone picks on him, etc. He and I have talked it through, and I've also spoken with his teacher and the staff at his after school program, in addition to doing a little observation on my own. Tyler is far from ostracized, and no one else has noticed any kind of major conflict. When I talk through a situation, it often boils down to the fact that he had a relatively minor conflict with ONE individual, but to hear him tell it, his whole class ganged up on him. He also suddenly became fixated on a scary story he'd heard at his after school program in October, and came to me several nights because he was afraid to be in his room. He has never in his life been afraid of the dark, and although we reasoned out several times that 'RedRum' was just a spooky story, this lasted close to a week. Since Tyler is at a higher risk for depression and other mood disorders, I took that pretty seriously, especially when his dad reported no insomnia, fears, or problems with appetite over Tyler's (unmedicated) winter break.

Some good news first: Since July, Tyler has gained 1.5 pounds, which is a good gain in that time frame. Not huge, but substantial and he wasn't at a flatline or losing as I'd feared. Dr. Shoptaugh thinks that the eating/sleeping problems are definitely related to the Adderrall and scaled his Rx back from 20mg to 15mg. I talked to her about the (very preliminary) research I'd done on dopamine/norepinepherine balance/imbalance and coupling stimulent meds with a non stimulant, like Strattera. She was familiar with the practice, but said it was very, very new practice that still had kinks to be worked out (like everything else LOL). She said that out of 30 patients, she hasn't had one stay on strattera. She's also not sure that his obsessive thoughts/fears are definitely related to medication. She wants us to take Tyler to a behavioralist. She does want to work with us as far as balancing out these chemicals, she's just not sure strattera is going to be the solution, and that she wants to work in conjunction with someone who specializes in this area. I was once again so impressed with her as a medical professional; I wasn't sure she would be comfortable with the med combo since I know she's not a strattera advocate. I was really prepared to have my inquiry squashed and find myself back to trolling the listings for a psychiatrist. So even though she wasn't comfortable making that Rx, I definitely didn't feel like I was on my own.

Unfortunately, there are only two "behavioralists" ; Dr. Melmed of the Melmed Center (which I've heard of, they offer classes for parents, teachers, and kids in addition to counseling), or Dr. Kessler of the Arizona Child Study Center. Thankfully, Dr. Kessler is an in-network providor for my insurance. I've done a little reading and he's got a REALLY impressive bio, with special interests both in ADHD and nutrition. Now, I'm not sure if we'll actually see him, or someone in his practice... but I am so much more comfortable getting this referral than taking whatever random person my EAP would provide. I called this afternoon and it'll be a four-five month wait; Dr. Shoptaugh had said to expect three. So the school year may be close to over before he's seen by them. I have to fill out a packet about an inch thick before they'll even schedule the appointment, but I went and pickthed it up this afternoon and I'm already about half done.

Since I knew it would be a while trying to make do in the meantime, I gave his teacher a heads up and also spoke with the principal at his school. When we had the 504 meeting last year, the only accomodations we had written in were for testing, because he was doing so well. I noted a concern at the time if we ever reached a point Tyler can't take meds, we would have to revisit. His principal thanked me for letting her know what was going on and said she'd touch base with the school social worker about classroom accomodations. So I may be having another 504 meeting before too much longer. His teacher is a nice lady, but I don't really have a rapport of any kind with her and while I believe she's passionate about gifted education, I don't really get the impression she's incredibly in tune with Tyler. I don't think she'd be nearly as proactive in addressing his special needs as his 2nd grade teacher was, especially since she'll be going on maternity leave soon. Which is another worry; there are going to be a lot of changes in the classroom... she'll go on maternity leave sometime in February and then return just a few weeks before school lets out. I wonder how Tyler will handle those transitions, how a sub will handle Tyler, etc. I guess only time will tell.

I also made an appointment for myself with a therapist for next Tuesday.

Bug Spirits...

So tonight when Halle goes to change in her room, she discovers a 'black thing' on her wall. I check it out... it's a MOTH. I tell her not to worry about it... they're like butterflies (a bug Halle likes), just not pretty, and not too smart either. She's starting to panic, so I here I go, to get the Raid. Of course I spray the thing and he's flying around the room and Halle's practically hyperventilating. I had to send her to another room to change until he stopped flying around. Halle went to check things out, and came back to me and told me that his head was twitching, and imitated his poor little chemically induced seizures. Trying to instill some empathy, I say to her... He's close to dying and he really doesn't feel good. You should send up a prayer for his spirit.

Halle replies, firmly.... 'Uh uh. He's a bug.'

Wanna hear something ironic? We observed the last night of Chalica this evening, and we lit our chalice in 'Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.'