Daija wants the moon...

Last night I was reading with Daija, and after a few rounds of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom she got out another favorite... Grandfather Twilight. I read it to her once and then she flipped through a few pages. On the last page, the dog and cat pictured in the story are curled up asleep. She said to them 'Good night... I love you...' then kissed them/the book. When I read it to her again, on the first page you see the door to Grandfather Twilight's house in the trees, and she reached over and put her fist on it. I asked her if she was knocking, and then she knocked. I ask her sometimes if she can identify objects (where is the moon, where is the cat), after she pointed out to me 'him glasses' a couple months ago (there is a picture where the book he's reading at the beginning of the story is placed on a table with the glasses he was wearing on top). So anyway, instead of asking her to identify objects, I asked her on the next page, what G.T. was doing, expecting her to say something about him reading. She answered 'him sit chair' and so I asked 'What is he doing in the chair?' and she said 'him read story' babble babble 'him cat' (cat was curled up on the back of the chair). In the next two pages G.T. unlocks a chest and takes out a pearl, and she told me 'him lock' ' him keys' and 'him open.' Then the story continues without words and he walks through the forest to the beach, with this pearl growing each step. He releases it into the sky above the water. At this page, Daija reached out and pretended to snatch the big pearl from the sky and said 'gimme my moon.' I asked her if she wanted the moon, and she pretended to snatch it again and claimed it as 'her' moon. Then the story shows G.T. walking home, and when he approaches his house in the trees, Daija reaches out her fist again, and I realize that she was not knocking... she's pretending to open the door. She is developing such an imagination!

Quandary: 2005-2006 School Year

The gifted coordinator tested Halle about two weeks ago, and she scored 98+ percentile on the Ravens. Our district uses the Ravens test because it's non-verbal and less biased than most other IQ tests. The highest percentileranking is the 98th percentile, so if a child does better than that, they can't get a score of the 99th percentile... they are said to have scored 98+. Tyler took this test when he was six years, 4/5 months and in the first grade, third month? I think, and scored (pre-meds, mind you) in the 92nd percentile. Halle is 5 years, 9 months, and just finishing kinder. I had expected her to do well, but I really hadn't expected her to ceiling the test. The gifted coordinator told me she doesn't know what to do for Halle next year and suggested she and I meet with the principal. I sent the principal an email last Wednesday requesting a meeting but haven't received a response. To be honest, I don't have very high hopes of an acceptable placement. Out of the four 1st grade classes, one is a bilingual classroom (and the teacher is retiring) and one is ESL. In the two traditional classrooms, one teacher took a administrative job at another school, so there is a sub and no permanent replacement as of yet. And in August I witnessed the teacher of the other 'regular' classroom 'disciplining' two or three little boys who were being sent to lunch detention and I was really bothered by her tone and body language... as well as her volume. I didn't hear every word she said, but far more than I think I should have heard given the distance between where they were and where I was standing. I would not be comfortable working with her because that incident would always be in the back of my mind and I would always be concerned about her addressing Halle that way. And if Halle is bored now, I can't see how she'll be challenged in a bilingual or ESL classroom. Tyler was in a bilingual classroom for first grade and I felt he grew so little as a student in that environment.

Last Wednesday I also visited one of the charter schools I mentioned last month - based on what I've read at their web site it seemed to offer the most of what I would be looking for. I toured with the school's community relations person, and was really impressed with the philosophy and that the school had the student's work displayed everywhere, bio's of all the existing teachers. The staff is very diverse, which is important to our family. There are a handful of staff members who are Muslim and from the middle east (three from Turkey), one is Jewish, and another is from Venezuela... and then there is a teacher from Kansas, which from personal experience is really almost like it's own little country (or planet). They incorporate character development into their curriculum. They use Saxon Math, and let the kids go as far with it as they can. Their sixth grade students are doing calculus. No classes more than 24 students. They do math placement tests for all incoming students... with beginner/intermediate/advanced levels in each class, and offer free tutoring to get kids who are behind at grade level and to give extra attention to kids who are needing extra challenge. They have a mentor program, also free of charge.

After the visit I was thinking about it a lot more seriously. That same night, I went to the 'open house' at Julian, where Tyler is supposed to go for fourth grade. I was hoping to meet the teacher and discuss their math curriculum. I had looked at Julian's report card, and the AIMS %ile is in the teens for both 5th and 8th grade last year, and just 3 years ago was less than 10. I was further concerned to read the following, which was listed as an achievement for the 03-04 school year:

70 students in the RSD tested into Honors Algebra on the Phoenix Union School
District Math placement test. Of those, 12 were from Julian. Nine of those 12
were not enrolled in the gifted program and three of the 12 tested for placement
in Geometry.

I think this is great for the nine students from traditional classrooms, but I find it alarming that only 25% of the students were gifted. Not that there should have been fewer 'traditional' students, but that I would certainly expect for a gifted program at a school that feeds into a high school with an Aerospace Magnate, to have at least as many gifted as non gifted students achieve placement into honors math. This furthers my concern that the math curriculum for the gifted classrooms is not accelerated.

Well, the event was basically a band showcase where there was not a dedicated opportunity to meet the gifted teachers, and that it had already been performed at King Tyler had already seen the entire performance. I was even further disappointed to learn that there would not be any kind of open house for the gifted program or in general for transitioning third graders and their parents. I attempted to speak with the gifted teacher for 4th grade, and inquired about the math curriculum. She asked if I wanted to know what my child needed to know for fourth grade. I clarified that I was asking what differentiated the gifted curriculum from the traditional curriculum. I was told that there wasn't really any difference, she just usually finishes the book (I guess the other class doesn't?) I then asked what concepts she would be covering and was told that there would be a lot of review because the incoming fourth graders wouldn't be up to par in math. She assured me that this was a district wide problem and included the students coming over from King's gifted program. The other teacher (whose name I didn't catch but she may be the 'math chair') seemed to concur. Based on feedback I've gotten from multiple educators about my son's math skills, and considering that King's 3rd grade math AIMs rankings are twice that of Julian's 5th grade math rankings, I was pretty skeptical of that claim, and downright dismayed at this clear expectation/culture of mediocrity. As I pondered the futility of asking what would be done to challenge students who were not needing remediation or who excelled she invited me to visit her during her planning period at 2:15. We discussed my work schedule, she indicated she was usually on campus until five and perhaps I could come by then. I was about to suggest perhaps a conference call, when she wandered away from the conversation without excusing herself, and never returned. The other teacher remained and indicated that there would be an open house about a week before school starts. I told her very candidly that I had reservations about my son attending school there and that their math program, while the largest concern, was only one of them, and I was not comfortable waiting until school was about to begin to address them. I mentioned the excerpt I quoted above from their scorecard and expressed my concern about the complexity of the curriculum and asked why more gifted students hadn't placed into honors math. She appeared surprised, as though the disparity in the numbers hadn't occurred to her, and suggested that was a good question and one that might be good to ask the 8th grade math teacher. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Preparing students for an 8th grade honors placement exam is not the sole responsibility of the 8th grade math curriculum, it begins when the child enters the school, as each grade builds the foundation for the next. I don't want to hear what is being done to prepare kids in the 11th inning! I pictured posing that question to whoever teaches 8th grade and being told that the seventh graders weren't prepared... and then that the sixth graders weren't prepared, and so on until I reached Ms. Dunn to hear that the third graders are not prepared. The phrase 'passing the buck' rang through my mind. The next morning I inquired with Tyler's current teacher specifically about his math skills, and whether a) I should anticipate that he will need remediation for fourth grade math or b) that he will languish in a classroom where most of his peers need remediation. She assured me that she felt Tyler's math skills were above par and he is well prepared for fourth grade math. She says she has never gotten any feedback indicating her students were unprepared, and that she watches their test scores and that her students have done very well in math. The teacher also indicated that she keeps in touch with several students who have gone on to Julian and has specifically inquired if there was anything that they were struggling with and that none of them have indicated having trouble with the math curriculum.

I've talked to both Joel and Ro about the school situation, and they're both open to the change. I have a few more questions for the school and I should probably visit at least one of the other schools that looked like possibilities to get a comparison. But at this point it's pretty likely the kids will be going somewhere else for school next year.

A special lunch for Halle...

Here's a cute story that a friend of mine who works for the school district sent me about Halle... Halle wasn't permitted to go on a field trip (I have no idea why, and since Halle didn't seem to care I didn't even bother to ask, I know I wouldn't have liked the answer) so our friend decided to take Halle a surprise lunch...

This morning, I went to the cafeteria and asked Ms. Cafeteria if students were allowed to bring outside food to lunch. She said yes, so I told her Halle wouldn't eat the cafeteria's meal today. She said Halle'd already paid, so she's have a credit for the next day. I also told Halle I'd bring her lunch. Well, when I got to the cafeteria with the McD's, Halle had a lunch tray. Ms. Cafeteria said Halle insisted on getting a lunch. Halle said something like this, "I paid you a dollar fifty this morning for my lunch, so I'm getting a tray. I don't think my mom's is gonna bring me a lunch because if she was, she wouldn't've given me a dollar fifty for lunch." Both Ms. Cafeteria AND her classmate tried to explain it to her, but she was insistant. LOL!! See, that would've upset the average adult as Halle being impudent (sp?), when in reality Halle's reasoning is perfectly logical.

A moment of silence...

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went
unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at
age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in.... And then the trouble started.

it's OK to laugh, you know it's funny.

AmWest, US Airways to merge

Of course this is by no means final, but it looks like we're moving ahead on this. A couple people have expressed concern for me and my job... my mama wanted to know if I'd have to move to DC. Right now I'm not worried about my job, or needing to relocate anytime soon. While the merger plan is official, the current plan doesn't have the airline fully integrating until 2008, and that's if all the powers that be approve everything that needs approving.

AmWest, US Airways to merge
Dawn Gilbertson
The Arizona
Republic
May. 19, 2005 02:20 PM

After weeks of nonstop speculation about their hush-hush marriage talks, America West Airlines and US Airways became officially engaged today, seeking to create the nation's fifth largest airline.

The two major carriers this afternoon said they plan to merge in a complex, $1.5 billion deal that will have the new airline based in Tempe but flying under the US Airways banner. America West Chairman and CEO Doug Parker will run the airline, which will have hubs on both coasts and a route map spanning the world.

No details were provided on the impact on employees or flights at either airline, but the companies said the airlines will operate separately for two to three years.

The backers of the deal many thought would never get off the ground financially include the parent of Air Canada, Boston-based investment firm PAR Capital Management, regional carrier Air Wisconsin and industry players Airbus and General Electric.

In their first public comments about the motivation for the deal, Parker and US Airways CEO Bruce Lakefield said the deal will create the first full-service nationwide low-cost, low-fare airline.

"Through this combination we are seizing the opportunity to strengthen our business rather than waiting for the industry environment to improve," said the written statement.

More details are expected in a media conference call and news conference at the Airline's Tempe headquarters. America West's stock, which was beaten up after word of the merger talks leaked, rose sharply today in expectation of announcement. The stock closed at $4.81, up 8.6 percent from Wednesday's close. After hours trading was halted pending the news.

For Phoenix, the merger would mean a national, homegrown brand falls off an
already short list of marquee names in business. But the area gains a much larger corporate headquarters, in terms of prestige, total employees and other measures. Based on last year's revenue of $9.4 billion for the combined company, the new US Airways would rank as Arizona's second-largest publicly company, after Fortune 500 electronics distributor Avnet Inc.

The deal is by no means done. There are a host of approvals to get, including the federal Air Transportation Stabilization Board, which loaned both airlines money after Sept. 11 and is still owed nearly $1 billion from the two; U.S. Airways' bankruptcy judge; federal regulators and shareholders.

There was skepticism from Wall Street, competitors and others as soon as word of the merger talks leaked last month, and the scrutiny is only expected to intensify now that some specifics are on the table. Analysts worry about the wisdom of combining two financially weak carriers during an industry crisis that is expected to produce $5 billion in losses this year.

The president of Southwest Airlines has said the CEOs of the two airlines must be on drugs to contemplate a merger in this horrible airline environment.

David Neeleman, CEO of discounter JetBlue Airways, the only other profitable airline besides Southwest, joked at an aviation conference last month in Phoenix that Parker has started drinking his own Kool-Aid. That was a reference to Parker's repeated comments over the past year that the industry was ripe for consolidation.

The merger will form the centerpice of US Airways' reorganization plan. The airline filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection last fall, a year after it emerged from its first Chapter 11 reorganization.

The combined company has nearly 38,000 employees, though it's unlikely the count will stay that high due to duplicate headquarters staff and the plan for fewer aircraft than the 419 jets they operate now in total.

Many observers expect the thorniest issue to be integrating the carrier's union workforces. Seniority rules at unions, and US Airways workers have much more than those at significantly younger America West. At America West's annual shareholders meeting Tuesday, America West union representatives grilled Parker about whether their jobs will be safe in a merger. Parker has said only that he wouldn't do a deal that jeopardize the he hard work America West's employees.

By any measure, America West is combining with a much larger carrier. US Airways'
sales last year were triple America West's, at $7.1 billion. The two rank 7th and 8th in passenger traffic, but the gap is wide: 40.5 million revenue passenger miles versus 23.3 million. They rank sixth and eighth in passenger boardings, but US Airway's passenger count is double America West's, at 42 million.

Reach the reporter at dawn.gilbertson@arizonarepublic.com or 602-444-8617

AmWest deal looming

Dawn GilbertsonThe Arizona RepublicMay. 18, 2005 09:48 PM

Signals were mixed Wednesday on whether America West Airlines and US Airways will announce their merger today as planned.

But there was a clear sign an announcement could be imminent: US Airways CEO Bruce Lakefield was booked on an early morning flight to Phoenix.

Lakefield, who has led the bankrupt carrier since April 2004, is due into Sky Harbor International Airport this morning on an America West flight, sources familiar with his travel plans say. His reservation calls for a one-day stay with a departure late tonight.

The merger discussions largely have taken place in Washington, D.C., so his expected presence in Arizona today is notable. Assuming his travel plans didn't change overnight, Lakefield will arrive as America West's board of directors is meeting. The board has to approve any proposed transaction. US Airways board met on Wednesday.

New name for a new airline?

America West, US Airways may get new name: If US Airways and America West Airlines merge, officials will choose a name for the combined airline. One marketing expert suggested rebranding the combined airline because of recent customer service snafus at US Airways and limited recognition for the America West brand, the Arizona Republic reports. The Arizona Republic (Phoenix) (5/18)

America West, US Airways may announce merger today, report says

America West and US Airways have secured a vital loan from jetmaker Airbus and may announce merger plans as early as today, the Wall Street Journal reports, quoting unnamed sources. Meanwhile, the chairman of US Airways said the talks between the two carriers are not likely to collapse. The Wall Street Journal (subscription required) (5/19), The Charlotte Observer (N.C.) (free registration) (5/19)

Real ID

Doesn't this look fabulous and exciting and well worth all the money it's going to cost to implement...

Survival of US Airways depends on merger with America West

The survival of US Airways depends on whether it will merge with America West Airlines, the Washington Post reports. One unnamed executive said the carrier does not have many options outside of a merger. The two airlines may reach a merger agreement later this week, according to media reports.

AmWest, US Air deal likely soon

Weeks of speculation about an America West Airlines-US Airways merger should give way to straight facts this week, with a formal announcement of the deal tentatively set for Thursday.

http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/0516amwest16.html

vent...

Tyler has been sneaking the sweet snacks - pudding, cookies, candy. He has permission if he gets hungry at night or at off-meal times to help himself to a cheese stick, nuts, or fruit, but I keep finding wrappers from the other stuff in his room. He had gotten better about fessing up, but the sneaking sweets happens 1-2 times per week, and he lies to cover it up 1-3 times a month. What I've found is helpful, is when I *know* he did it, is to minimize the opportunity for him to lie. I will ask him to tell me what happened with 'xyz', and if I can see he's about to open up his mouth and lie, I tell him to stop and think before he answers. I explain that I already know such n such happened, and I want him to explain it to me. Impulsive lying is really common in ADHD kids... a lot of times a lie will pop out of their mouths before they even realize it. And I've found with that approach, he will usually stop and think and candidly give me the truth. But it's these situations where I'm not sure which of the older two did something, that is a problem. I feel like I'm an interrogator at a Nazi camp or something. And I feel like the sneaking sweets is happening more often, because I'm making their lunches and have more sweet stuff in the house than I normally would. I bought a bunch of snack pack cookies, and I split them up between the kids, with each getting 1/2 cookies in their lunch as a treat. Sunday, he got a six pack of Oreo cookies and ate them all while I was in the shower. I had already given Daija 2 oreos, and had planned to let Halle & Tyler each have a couple after Halle and I were done showering. So I go to grab the cookies, and because I had just gotten some for Daija, I notice a pack is missing. I ask who did it and my ex's son came into the kitchen and looked right in my face and told me he didn't do it, because he knows what happens when he steals. Told me this again, when Halle came into the room, and didn't admit it until I said there would be no lunch until I got an answer. I was so furious that he had so boldly offered his lie up about how he knows better than to steal... he got a spanking with a belt for maybe the second time in his life. I told him I hoped he had enjoyed his lunch, and made him go without the McD's we were on our way out to get. He whined the ENTIRE afternoon about how hungry he was. Sent him to the bathroom (another vent, more on that later) while I checked out at Wal-mart and I grabbed three packages of fruit snacks, and I find him with a piece of gum he picked up OFF THE FLOOR in his mouth. I made him spit it out, lectured him on hygiene, and made him wait until after we had finished at the next store and he had behaved in an appropriate manner. Later at home, I come from the back of the house to see Tyler dump what's left of Daija's bag into his hand and shove them in his pocket. I couldn't believe it. I spanked him again, which obviously didn't solve the problem the first time but I am just at a loss as to what to do.

I was having some issues with both of the kids, just being whiny and not wanting to pick up after themselves and walking around with this air of entitlement and OMG they were fighting CONSTANTLY, till I couldn't even stand to be around them. I sat each of them down and 'splained the difference between a right and a privilege, and that privileges had to be earned. We went to a point system, based on chores, behavior, attitude, etc and they had to buy TV, Playstation, etc. I really felt like it was helping. The whining and arguing went down, they were getting their chores done and being better sports. They were also spending much less time watching TV and more time playing with each other and by themselves. Obviously, sitting down and discussing all this every night and having them give me their input on their 'score' takes up a lot time, so I want to get away from that and just have them understand that they have to take care of business first, then they can have whatever privileges they want. I am trying to think of a way to give them an allowance without it being tied directly to chores... but anyway, now I'm just really frustrated that we seem to be backsliding. They bickered all weekend, and Tyler whined incessantly, and acted like a brat a good part of the time we were in public.

America West swings to profit in first quarter

Results include gain on fuel hedging transactions


The Associated Press
Updated: 11:28 a.m. ET April 20, 2005

PHOENIX - America West Holdings Corp., whose flagship carrier is in merger talks with US Airways Group Inc., said Wednesday it swung to a profit in the latest first quarter from a year-ago loss.

"c" is for...

I am actually thinking about charter school, for both kids. I'm just not hearing great things about the gifted program past third grade/over at Julian. I'm not entirely comfortable with charter schools, there are too many that are run as bad or worse than the public schools. There is an awesome one in Ahwatukee that my friends have their older boys in, but it's the wrong way for me to be driving. But, I know that a few of the excelling and highly performing schools are charters, so I am starting the search. There are three or four that are reasonable, travel wise, that look worth checking out.

I think Halle does want a challenge/would work if it was something she found interesting or was more under her control. She (independently) was working on these sheets she got somewhere... on each line there was a letter of the alphabet, and the rest of the line was blank. She was filling in a word that started with that letter. She got to 'c' and asked me...

Mommy, how do you spell cockroach?

A normal kid would just write cat. Hell, Tyler would have just written cat. Ro said... couldn't she just write cat? I asked a coworker, what would you write? and my 30yo coworker, SAID CAT. I don't think Halle has ever so much as SEEN a cockroach. That's one of the things that frustrates me most... at home, she carries around paper and pencil and book just as often as she carries around her Barbie's. She will get a book and read independently with no instruction from me, and Tyler still doesn't even do that. He reads 'for pleasure' pretty much only when I tell him to. I think Halle is the kind of kid who would do really well in a home school setting.

First Grade....

Well, I've got myself a pickle. This quarter we are right back to Halle not wanting to do anything. She says the morning message is boring. She wants to write something else, something harder, something 'like this, see, I don't know this word' as she waves a book around. She writes at home, little notes to the rest of us and copies out of books. Mrs. BAG says she doesn't really volunteer to read aloud at school, but she reads for me at home and reads independently at home as well. .'I don't even know what one hundred plus one hundred thousand thirty six is,' she tells me. Right now she's in the 'apple group' and she has pretty tough spelling words for a kindergartener. She's had a couple doozies like cooperative and significant. She gets 100's on almost every spelling test, whether she brings the words home and studies or not. Last week was actually the first time she's had any trouble, and she had words like blanket and number where the combos are weird and the 'et' sounds to her like 'it'. So, after talking several times with Halle and with Mrs. BAG and just feeling at a loss I called Karen Eger. I explained all this to her, and she said she thought it might be a good idea to go ahead and evaluate her, and that could probably be done early May. She said there may not be much that could be done this year, but that her bigger concern would be next year, which is also my concern. I relayed this to Mrs. BAG, and that I am really worried what's going to happen if Halle gets a teacher next year that teaches to the middle or low end of the spectrum. Mrs. BAG told me that at King, her opinion is that all the current 1st grade classrooms are geared middle/low, and that she wouldn't even know who to send Halle too. I asked a friend who taught at the school until recently, and she gave the same opinion. That really freaked me out... I am ready to pull my hair out now trying to motivate Halle, and Mrs. BAG definitely teaches to the top.

The good news, is that Mrs. BAG moved Halle right up to the front of the classroom and Halle commented she can see better (so we'll be seeing the eye dr. soon), and I'm giving her a sticker for her calendar at home for every morning message she brings home where Mrs. BAG has written ok/good job/etc indicating Halle worked in a timely manner. This seems to have helped; I don't think she likes the morning message any better, but she sure likes those stickers.

However, whether Halle qualifies gifted or not, I'm still concerned about next year.

and the saga continues...

As you know, I told my sister on the 4th that I thought it would be better for her to just get a storage unit, it would be cheaper. I was surprised that she sounded upset, I expected her to be relieved to save between $100 and $150 and at the same time, get out of a 'lease agreement' for a room she obviously didn't want to live in. On the 5th, I called my mom to see how things were going. Mom tells me that Crystal is angry at her. Apparently Crystal wasn't going to call me at all, and mom told her she needed to before she got kicked out. So it was my mother's fault that she called me and was kicked out anyway. My head reeled! A) that she thought this was my mother's fault in any way, rather than a natural result of her behavior and b) she had been absent from the premesis for the majority of March and had made no effort to pay rent or make payment arrangements for the month of April. I didn't kick her out, she had left of her own accord three or four weeks prior! I just asked her to remove her abandoned property from my home. On Thursday, my sister calls to ask me if it will be OK if she comes next weekend (this coming weekend) to get her stuff. She won't have any money to get a storage unit until then, because her phone was shut off and she had to pay the bill to get it turned back on. I explained that it just didn't make sense for her to pay me rent when she could get a storage unit for far less, but that I understood and the following weekend would be fine. When I get home that night, Ro tells me that he was watching TV and heard something creaking. He muted the TV and heard it again. He got up to check it out, figuring it was the dog, and as he let the dog out, sees my sister slipping out the door with a basket of stuff. He said she didn't come back and say anything, so he didn't even attempt to address her. This of course just strengthened my resolve that she simply cannot continue to live here.

So I've been speaking with my mother regularly about my nana and I found out this Monday, that Crystal had not intended to call me to let me know she couldn't move her things last weekend, and that my mother insisted she call. Mom also tells me that Crystal, and my brother's girlfriend, are very unhappy about what they are going to be charged for room and board: $500. They say they can't afford it. This is when I found out that they are both working only part time, and neither are looking for full time jobs. And that my sister's car payment and insurance together are about $500 per month. AND, that she was suspended on the Friday BEFORE she bought the car. She had it all lined up, but hadn't signed any paperwork or put any money down. Knowing that was her third suspension for the same thing, she still went and bought the car. For some reason, she was convinced she would not be fired. Then, after she was fired, she made no effort to look for a job for weeks.

Someone 'splain this to me. She has $500 in expenses for her car (which astounds me, it's hardly bigger than a minute), she is only working part time. She told me on the 4th that she was planning on moving in the next 45 days, but was not planning at that point to live with my mother. I don't know where she thought she was going to live where her rent, utilities, and groceries would be less than what she paid living here or what she knew my mother was planning on charging our brother for living there. The mortgage at the house my mom and grandma just bought is twice mine, so even divided by more people the expenses are higher. And she knew what my mother had told my brother and his girlfriend rent would be, before the move and before she asked my mom if she could stay there 'for a little while,' which she didn't do until after I told her I wasn't interested in receiving her rent and would prefer she move. My mother told my brother, his girlfriend, and my sister that their rent was due on the 25th of each month for the following month, and presented them each with a lease agreement. She also told them that if they do not pay the rent, they have 72 hours to leave. My sister, and I think my brother's girlfriend, refused to sign the lease, citing it too expensive. My brother has no problem with it, as this was discussed and agreed on prior to them moving into this house at the first of the month.

So, I'm thinking this: If Crystal gets paid on the 15th, and is only working part time, I doubt she can afford to pay $500 to my mother by the 25th (which is before her next payday), rent a storage unit, and cover her expenses for gas and whatever may come due for her vehicle between the 15th and 29th. I start wondering, now that I know she was planning on just not showing up last weekend and now that I know her financial situation, if she is just going to no-show this weekend because she doesn't want to tell me for a second time that she doesn't have money to move. Yesterday my mother called me about my grandmother, and I asked if Crystal was there/could I speak with her. She was asleep, and I heard her tell my mother she would call me back, but I didn't hear from her. I called my mother again yesterday to see if Crystal has said anything, or made any arrangements with my mom's husband, who has a truck and agreed to transport her stuff from my place to wherever but said he's not packing or moving a thing. My mother was under the firm impression that Crystal had called me later that morning before leaving for work. I tell her I think one of two things is going to happen. My sister is going to blow me off again and blame it on the outrageous rent my mother is making her pay, or she is going to tell my mother she can't pay rent because I 'kicked her out.' None of the issues will be related to the fact that she was fired from her job after she got yet another customer complaint, her third suspension. It won't have anything to do with the fact that she financed a vehicle when she should have KNOWN her employment was in serious jeapordy, or that she made no effort to find a job for weeks afterwards, or that she has taken a part time job and made no effort at finding full time employment. It won't have anything to do with the fact that she has been blatantly disrespectful to me or that her behavior has had a negative effect on Tyler and Halle. I told my mom that I really appreciated her insisting Crystal call me last week, but please don't say anything else to her about contacting me. I wouldn't have expected her to just no show then, but I'm aware it's a possibility now. I really want to see what she is going to do when left to her own devices. I already have ample grounds to legally declare that she has abandoned the residence and will be able to declare the same in regards to her property if she doesn't show this weekend. I can't have this dragging out forever, and it's clear that she has no sense of right or wrong and will continue to take advantage for as long as I let her.

"The base of all things is love, respect."
--Vickie Downey, TEWA/Tesuque Pueblo

The greatest weapon of any Spiritual Warrior is love. Love will change minds; love will forgive; love will let go; love will cause good luck; love will heal; love will cry; love will get rid of resentments; love will overcome fear. Love loves love. Any human who is loving will be guaranteed respect. Respect loves love. We need to love and respect ourselves.

Grandmother, Grandfather, today, lead me on the path of love.

"Once you make a friend, a friend never leaves you, even to death.

So a friend is really hard to find."
--Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

Once, an Elder told me he made a decision to be my friend. He said this friendship wasn't based on my behavior or how I acted; he said the friendship was based on his decision. He decided to be my friend. This friendship has happened like he said. Even if I don't see him for a long time, or if I get mad at him, he has never changed his decision. This is true friendship.

Great Spirit, I'm glad you are this kind of Friend.

The 'Crystal Saga'

I know I've mentioned to a few people that there was some drama with my sister, but that it was a long story, and it's been stretching out for two months. Here's the condensed version:

The first weekend of February is when it started - she left the house Saturday morning and comes in Sunday evening while the kids' and I are watching TV. Monday morning I leave for work and there is an unfamiliar car in the driveway. She never mentioned, either before she left or after coming home, anything about a new car.

The rest of that week, she came home later and later each night. I figured she was just enjoying her first car, plus my brother had recently moved into town and was staying with my mother, who lives about an hour away. As one week stretched into two and she wasn't coming home until between midnight and two each morning, although her shift at work starts between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I knew something was up. I didn't ask here where she was, although I did mention to her that the kids were asking where she was. She volunteered that she was working double shifts at work. I knew it was highly unlikely her company needed telemarketers so badly that she would be putting in 80 hours a week. I was actually starting to worry that she might be partying and developing a problem there, because she was downright pissy whenever she was at the house, which wasn't much. Early in March, a concerned family member, who requested anonymity, called to tell me Crystal had been fired from her job 2/3 weeks ago. I wasn't surprised... she has been written up twice for customer complaints and the second time it happened they demoted her. This becomes a joke around the house between Ro and I... once he asked her, 'Aren't you working today?' and she replied, 'No, it's my day off.' Yeah, today and every day. It's a comedy at work too... with coworkers stopping by every few days to see if she's moved out while I was at work or something. I didn't say anything for a while, I was hoping she would come and talk to me about it. I finally confronted her about three weeks ago, and told her that I didn't care... it was her job, or lack thereof, and what she did about it was her business. But this isn't how you treat family, it's not how you would treat a friend, and it's not even how you would treat a roommate. I told her that it showed a marked lack of respect and that I didn't want to live with someone who felt that way about me, and if this is the way she was going to act, she should just move out. I clarified that I was not kicking her out, just that if this is the way you feel about being here, please go. I haven't seen her since. I know she's been here to pick up mail and other items, but she hasn't moved anything out. She paid rent for March, so as far as I was concerned, that room was still hers. I anticipated that she would move her things out by the end of the month, as she had not come 'home' since that conversation. The kids have asked several times why she hasn't been around and I'm at a loss as to what to tell them. They have each made comments though, that indicate even though their feelings are hurt that she just disappeared, they are relieved that she is gone and overall, didn't like her living here. So it's now April, and she had made no effort to contact me about staying and paying rent or moving, etc. I called and left her a message last night, and she called back this evening. OK, short verion over.

I asked what her plans were. She said something about her checking account being messed up, and that tomorrow she would give me a little more than half what she pays in rent, and if it was OK she would give me the rest and some extra out of her next paycheck since it was late. I told her that I wouldn't have charged her a late fee, and she said I know, this is my penalty to myself. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, so you give me a little guilt money and that makes the way you've acted for two months OK? But I thought that might be inflammatory so I just asked why she was even going to pay rent. She replied, because my stuff is still here (not, because I live there) so I asked, are you planning to move out? and she replied, not right away, but within the next 45 days. I asked why she hadn't just talked to me about this (because I should not have had to call and ask), and she said that she had planned to talk to me in person because it's not nice to tell someone you're moving out over the phone. I said, no, and it's probably also not nice to tell someone you want them to move out over the phone, but when the one person avoids and lies to the other person for six weeks that's kinda the way it has to happen. She says she has not avoided me or lied to me. I guess it's just coincidence that I haven't laid eyes on her in over a month. I told her, You have not been up front with me about things that could have had a negative affect on me financially (I decided not to address that the cold shoulder offended me and hurt the kids, that I figure she knew and she obviously could care less). I really don't want you to pay rent. I'd rather that you just came and got your things and if you need to put them in storage, that will be cheaper for you. I asked if she could maybe make arrangements to do that this weekend, and she said she probably could and would get in touch with me to set something up. I could tell she was pissed by her tone, but I just thanked her and said, "I really think this will be better for both of us."

The kids heard part of the conversation and asked if she was coming home. I told them that I had asked her to move out. They wanted to know why, and I explained that I didn't think Crystal enjoyed living here and that instead of talking about it she was just being unhappy and doing things that made the rest of us unhappy, like not spending any time here or being cranky when she was here. We talked for a while about it... Tyler is glad she's gone and Halle said even though she was amean auntie she thinks that I should be able to talk to her so she won't be so mean. They wanted to know if she hated us, and I told them no, it's not them, but that she might be upset with me but I'm not sure because she hasn't talked to me about anything. I told them that I've talked to Crystal several times about being considerate and kind and honest, and that there wasn't anything else I could really do about it. Halle wanted to know if I still loved her and I said yes, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea for us to live together. It seems like she wants to be a grown up and be on her own and if that's the case, she shoudl go and do that and I can't let her live with us and treat them and I the way she has been. I stressed many, many times that I am not Crystal's mom and that she is a grown up so I can't really do anything about her behavior.

But Tyler still asked me, when I was tucking him in bed, if he did something that I really hated over and over and over, if I would sell him. I told him no way... because you are my kid and we belong together and it's my job to help him and teach him the right things.

I have a feeling Halle won't miss Crystal nearly as much when she realizes she'll (eventually) be getting her own room.

Points to Ponder

"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail."
-- Abraham Maslow

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. "

"But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way."
-- Jane Austen

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-- Winston Churchill

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
-- Anonymous

"I'm not overweight, I'm just nine inches too short."
-- Shelley Winters

"Normal: what the average person can accomplish with little or no effort. So why be normal?"
-- Bob Seay

"Today I feel like the meat in an idiot sandwich!"
-- Anonymous

"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents."
-- G. C. Lichtenberg

"Walking Eagle: Person who is too full of crap to fly."
-- Athabascan Tribes saying

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
enough hope to make you happy."

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."
-- Erica Jong

"It is not true that life is one damn thing after another.... It's one damn thing over and over!"
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."
-- Mark Twain

"Nothing so much needs reforming as other people's habits."
-- Mark Twain

"If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all."

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they are going to have some annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor

Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching.
-- Assyrian clay tablet 2800 B.C.

Devoting a little of yourself to everything means committing a great deal of yourself to nothing.
-- Michael LeBoef

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.

Do all the good you can, ...
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.
-- John Wesley

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
-- Erma Bombeck

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
-- Booker T. Washington