The 'Crystal Saga'

I know I've mentioned to a few people that there was some drama with my sister, but that it was a long story, and it's been stretching out for two months. Here's the condensed version:

The first weekend of February is when it started - she left the house Saturday morning and comes in Sunday evening while the kids' and I are watching TV. Monday morning I leave for work and there is an unfamiliar car in the driveway. She never mentioned, either before she left or after coming home, anything about a new car.

The rest of that week, she came home later and later each night. I figured she was just enjoying her first car, plus my brother had recently moved into town and was staying with my mother, who lives about an hour away. As one week stretched into two and she wasn't coming home until between midnight and two each morning, although her shift at work starts between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I knew something was up. I didn't ask here where she was, although I did mention to her that the kids were asking where she was. She volunteered that she was working double shifts at work. I knew it was highly unlikely her company needed telemarketers so badly that she would be putting in 80 hours a week. I was actually starting to worry that she might be partying and developing a problem there, because she was downright pissy whenever she was at the house, which wasn't much. Early in March, a concerned family member, who requested anonymity, called to tell me Crystal had been fired from her job 2/3 weeks ago. I wasn't surprised... she has been written up twice for customer complaints and the second time it happened they demoted her. This becomes a joke around the house between Ro and I... once he asked her, 'Aren't you working today?' and she replied, 'No, it's my day off.' Yeah, today and every day. It's a comedy at work too... with coworkers stopping by every few days to see if she's moved out while I was at work or something. I didn't say anything for a while, I was hoping she would come and talk to me about it. I finally confronted her about three weeks ago, and told her that I didn't care... it was her job, or lack thereof, and what she did about it was her business. But this isn't how you treat family, it's not how you would treat a friend, and it's not even how you would treat a roommate. I told her that it showed a marked lack of respect and that I didn't want to live with someone who felt that way about me, and if this is the way she was going to act, she should just move out. I clarified that I was not kicking her out, just that if this is the way you feel about being here, please go. I haven't seen her since. I know she's been here to pick up mail and other items, but she hasn't moved anything out. She paid rent for March, so as far as I was concerned, that room was still hers. I anticipated that she would move her things out by the end of the month, as she had not come 'home' since that conversation. The kids have asked several times why she hasn't been around and I'm at a loss as to what to tell them. They have each made comments though, that indicate even though their feelings are hurt that she just disappeared, they are relieved that she is gone and overall, didn't like her living here. So it's now April, and she had made no effort to contact me about staying and paying rent or moving, etc. I called and left her a message last night, and she called back this evening. OK, short verion over.

I asked what her plans were. She said something about her checking account being messed up, and that tomorrow she would give me a little more than half what she pays in rent, and if it was OK she would give me the rest and some extra out of her next paycheck since it was late. I told her that I wouldn't have charged her a late fee, and she said I know, this is my penalty to myself. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, so you give me a little guilt money and that makes the way you've acted for two months OK? But I thought that might be inflammatory so I just asked why she was even going to pay rent. She replied, because my stuff is still here (not, because I live there) so I asked, are you planning to move out? and she replied, not right away, but within the next 45 days. I asked why she hadn't just talked to me about this (because I should not have had to call and ask), and she said that she had planned to talk to me in person because it's not nice to tell someone you're moving out over the phone. I said, no, and it's probably also not nice to tell someone you want them to move out over the phone, but when the one person avoids and lies to the other person for six weeks that's kinda the way it has to happen. She says she has not avoided me or lied to me. I guess it's just coincidence that I haven't laid eyes on her in over a month. I told her, You have not been up front with me about things that could have had a negative affect on me financially (I decided not to address that the cold shoulder offended me and hurt the kids, that I figure she knew and she obviously could care less). I really don't want you to pay rent. I'd rather that you just came and got your things and if you need to put them in storage, that will be cheaper for you. I asked if she could maybe make arrangements to do that this weekend, and she said she probably could and would get in touch with me to set something up. I could tell she was pissed by her tone, but I just thanked her and said, "I really think this will be better for both of us."

The kids heard part of the conversation and asked if she was coming home. I told them that I had asked her to move out. They wanted to know why, and I explained that I didn't think Crystal enjoyed living here and that instead of talking about it she was just being unhappy and doing things that made the rest of us unhappy, like not spending any time here or being cranky when she was here. We talked for a while about it... Tyler is glad she's gone and Halle said even though she was amean auntie she thinks that I should be able to talk to her so she won't be so mean. They wanted to know if she hated us, and I told them no, it's not them, but that she might be upset with me but I'm not sure because she hasn't talked to me about anything. I told them that I've talked to Crystal several times about being considerate and kind and honest, and that there wasn't anything else I could really do about it. Halle wanted to know if I still loved her and I said yes, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea for us to live together. It seems like she wants to be a grown up and be on her own and if that's the case, she shoudl go and do that and I can't let her live with us and treat them and I the way she has been. I stressed many, many times that I am not Crystal's mom and that she is a grown up so I can't really do anything about her behavior.

But Tyler still asked me, when I was tucking him in bed, if he did something that I really hated over and over and over, if I would sell him. I told him no way... because you are my kid and we belong together and it's my job to help him and teach him the right things.

I have a feeling Halle won't miss Crystal nearly as much when she realizes she'll (eventually) be getting her own room.